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I was diagnosed with HSV a year ago after finding out my partner was cheating on me and had it and lied about it. I’ve been extremely conscientious about telling everyone I have it so they can make an informed choice about dating me. It hasn’t been an issue even once so far. Back in August I matched with several people on apps that I was interested in getting to know (I’m poly) and had extensive text exchanges with all of them, or so I thought. One day about 2 months in, I was looking back through the early texts with this partner for some info he sent me I couldn’t recall details of. I noticed there was no mention of my status or disclosure. I went to the app we matched on to see if I had mentioned it there but I hadn’t. I started to panic. I’ve never not disclosed to someone. I figured I must have said something about it before we had sex the first time because I would never not do that. But I was pretty tipsy our first time and couldn’t remember. I was agonizing about whether or not I had told him. So I brought it up that night when I saw him. I explained I’ve been on meds every day and that none of my other partners had contracted it and that it’s very unlikely I’d give it to him but there was still risk and I apologized profusely for not being it up before because I thought I had. He took it really well and so I thought that was that. Until a month ago when I told him I was having really strong feelings for him and was interested in working towards something long term. He freaked out and pulled away. I thought it was commitment phobia but when we talked he told me he was still angry that I hadn’t disclosed to him right away. I told him again how sorry I was and would work hard to earn his trust back in any way I could. Fast forward to this week when he tested positive. He ended things saying that his health and connections with others will be forever effected now and he was angry it took me two months to tell him and that he wanted to process this on his own. I’m devastated. Not only for losing this person that I could see building a future with, but that I have changed his life forever with my horrible mistake. I’m riddled with guilt and worried he’ll never forgive me. I told him I’d do anything to undo the hurt and pain he’s experiencing and that I hope he can heal and find peace down the line and that I’d give him the space he needs but that I am here to support him in any possible way I can if he wants that. If this has happened to you (giving your partner HSV and them leaving you) any words of wisdom?

Well, I really liked this guy. Probably the most amazing & genuine connection I’ve ever experienced in my life. One of those fairy tale, cliche types of feels for this boy. i knew having the talk with him was going to be hard. He was the first person that I wanted to date since being diagnosed so it was terrifying. He made the process so easy. Told me that it didn’t change the way he felt towards me and that he still really really liked me. Score. I thought the hardest part was over. I think it was, but maybe i’m just being a little dramatic with my feelings here but, now i’m hurt. A week goes by and his feelings change; his worried about it and what it’ll do to his body. Totally fair and understandable. But he wants to think about it more. I lose it. Cause I can’t sit around and wait for someone to decide my worth if they have already decided in their head they’re veering in the other direction. So I cried. A lot. In front of him. At home in bed. And driving to work the next day. It really sucks. But ultimately, I hope I become a stronger and more amazing person by doing the right thing. Just can’t see it now but hey, it’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay eventually. Sometimes it’s just harder.

Hi. I have genital HSV1. I had my first outbreak in early 2016, and then didn't get my second outbreak until 2 and a half years later (this past July). Thinking I would never get it again because it's genital HSV1, the shock and shame I felt was so intense. When I had the 2nd outbreak I happened to have just started dating this amazing guy who I'm still with now. When I disclosed to him, he was so kind about it and really calmed my nerves and shame. He takes supplements that I give him to helpfully help his immune system, and as far as we know (knock on wood) he hasn't gotten it yet, hopefully. Anyway, for other reasons, I feel like I want to break up with him. But every time I think about breaking up with him, I remember how nice he was about my OB and how not a lot of people are. I used to not tell people because I figured it wouldn't happen again being HSV1 and if we were safe it was fine (not the right mindset I know), so I wasn't worried about being on the dating scene before my 2nd OB. But now that I had my 2nd OB I'm terrified to date again and have to disclose AGAIN and possibly be rejected. Has anyone been in a similar experience?

No, that’s not the title of a C-rated horror flick. If you’re reading this, then you’ve probably Netflixed and chilled ... on a bag of peas. Wow. Where do I start? Is it a “Whodunnit”? Perhaps it’s a film with Oucho Marx. Levity, take me away! All jokes aside, this is my first outbreak (zombie outbreak mind you) and I was just diagnosed a few days ago with genital hsv-1. I’m still freaking out a bit. Let’s just say that less than a week ago I was 100% positive that this demon spawn of an OB (look at me with the lingo!) WAS NOT herrrrpeeeees. Like burpees, yet more hated. How did I get it? My husband unknowingly passed it onto to me via oral sex. He's has hsv-1 since he was a tot, but was just diagnosed after my symptoms.The answer is right there, but I still find myself asking myself in these early days, 'How, after all this time, did I, ME, catch this awful virus?' It must be punishment. (on bad day). It must be an opportunity (on a good day). During this whole ordeal, despite my not being able to walk sans pain, I have tried to focus on all I have going for me. I was not brutally murdered in a BART station. My dreamboat of a husband has my back (and my front) like none other. Good job, health insurance, blah blah blah. Can you go back? No time machines yet. Is it curable. None of the stuff Sam Inc. pumps out is. [Little conspiracy theory there for ya]. You good otherwise? Sure am! So it’s settled. This doesn’t define you and you may even be able to use this mf to spur much needed change. All that being said I would love to hear from folks who are far on the other side of their first horrid ghsv-1 outbreak and from those who contracted it while in monogamous relationships. We're already in marriage counseling so here's another topic of discussion for $165/hour. However, would rather not pack HSV into 50 minutes a week. We need to have healthy, open communication about status that we share. Advice, tips--most welcome. Thanks, all!