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Hi all, I recently went through a tough experience. I’m struggling mentally with the outcome and could use some advice or if anyone has similar stories that ended differently, for the better. It’s been years since I connected emotionally with a man. I finally meet this guy, he’s about 10 years older than me (I’m 34 by the way). He was perfect for me, so I thought. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him, but he really won me over on our second and third dates. We had so much fun together, talking and laughing. And, we had similar motives and drive in life. After years of searching (and 3 years in between where I’ve been managing my diagnosis) I thought I might have met the one! Well, we spent the night at each other’s places a few times, but no sex! I told him I didn’t want to rush that, and he was respectful. Finally, one night when he spent the night things were escalating and he was saying all these emotional things. By the way, since Day 1 he was sweet-talking me, telling me I’m perfect for him and he’s waited so long for something like what we were experiencing. Anyways, back to this night... he was saying all this stuff as we were making out and messing around (we both had a few drinks that night), and I couldn’t hold back my secret any longer. I told him I had HSV-2 and I told him the whole story of how I got it. I started to cry because of all the memories. Then, he hugged me and actually told me that he has HSV-1. We cuddled and slept the night through. Here’s where the story takes a twist. The next morning, he acted fine. We woke up, went to breakfast and then went our separate ways for the day. I was excited because I thought I found someone who knew what I was going through (since he has HSV-1). When we talked things through later that day, I explained everything I knew about HSV-2 so he could understand what the risks were and how transmission could be mitigated if we slept with each other. I can’t get his facial expressions out of my head. It seemed as though he was looking at me with disgust (he probably didn’t intend for that). But the night ended with him saying he needed to think it over, which I understood. But, the more I thought things over the more upset I got because who was he to judge me when in fact he has the same virus! He just acquired it differently, in a different location. I called him back the next day to explain how I was feeling (in more of a PC manner) and he couldn’t get it through his head that HSV-1 was ANYTHING like HSV-2. He even said that he’d “much rather have a sore on his lip vs a sore on his penis any day.” That hurt me! Also, another thing that bothered me was the fact that he wasn’t even planning to tell me he has HSV-1 and I can’t begin to tell you how often we made out when we were together!! In the end, he couldn’t deal with the fact that I have HSV-2, so we parted and went our separate ways. It’s been over a week now, and I would have thought he’d reach out since we were developing such a strong bond, but nothing. Not only do I feel rejected, but I feel rejected by someone with the same freaking virus!
after I told a couple of close friends about it they were very supportive and were very sympathetic. but now a month later they started to hang out without me and lie about a lot of things so I confronted them about it. They said that they have been doing there "research" and they say that I am being careless and putting a risk into the friend group. They tell me that I am using my "disease for attention" and they are being so hurtful and I don't know what to do because I am scared that if I stand up for myself they will tell everyone I have herpes for revenge please help
(Newly diagnosed) I met this boy, we did instantly click, and he was going away with work for a long time so we moved quite quickly and we slept together three times on the Wednesday, twice on the Friday (unprotected). He then left Saturday and on Saturday night I was told to go to hospital by 111 because they thought I had a kidney infection, I had previously had a kidney infection however and it didn’t quite feel the same, I just knew at this point this was sexual health and went to the gum clinic two days later. They said it looked like herpes and I had been checked before this guy.. thinking about it now though 1) he kept religiously downing smoothies for immune systems and said to me it was for his skin, but he has beautiful mixed Caribbean skin and so now I know why 2) he told me he occasionally does weed and it is good for medicine, and that I needed to accept him for him.. again reading online now I know why 3) we are still in touch and with the view of dating and he casually asked me on the phone from abroad if I was sore from sex (we had 5 days previously) because I mentioned whilst we were having sex the Friday it was starting to get a little sore.. but I think this was to check whether I was showing any symptoms He knew he had herpes, and he did not tell me and had sex with me 5 times unprotected. I’m guessing by this behaviour that this is a fairly new diagnosis for him and he didn’t feel comfortable to discuss this but I am now left heartbroken and completely on my own because he is also away for months. I have had very few sexual partners in my life just come out of a long term relationship at 23, I rarely drink, I have never smoked or done anything reckless, I have terrible anxiety and I am scared of everything, and now I am alone trying to deal with this and process this and that is almost blocking out the actual physical pain. I am so stressed I have lost over a stone in a week, I am a size 4, isolated myself from my family and friends. And then when he calls me in the evenings after work I sit and chat to him and laugh with him because I feel that is the only normality I have left, he has it too I’m not alone. I haven’t told him I have caught it yet.. I feel like I have been robbed from ever mending things with an ex of mine now, he would never ever get back with me because he has a phobia of medical conditions due to experiencing the loss of a sibling at the age of 9.. I was with him 4 years. Literally picturing his face now is painful. It makes me feel sick I can’t even bring myself to leave the house to get my nails done, yes physically this is very painful,but emotionally I can’t even explain, I feel like I am mourning my previous life, my ex of 4 years, a normal childbirth, normal dating, sunbathing, all at once on my own in secret. One of my favourite things was buying beautiful sets of underwear but now I just feel disgusting looking at them and they don’t even fit anymore anyway can anybody talk to me or make me feel any better