Reactions to disclosure

[Natalia1]

I been recently diagnosed and did not think much of it . Met a guy , had a brain fog and had sex with him . the only thing is that he tricked me into thinking he woukd wear a condom , while he took it off in the last minute . After sex , I told him it's dangerous not to use protection. he said he doesn't care ,since he can not get hard with a condom . Besides that we spend a lot of time together ( him worshiping me , we walk , talk , eat , watch movies , share things . ) during that time of mostly enjoying each other company . When it was time to have sex again I disclosed . So he dumped me almost immidiatelly . What hurts is that we live in the same appt building and he completelly ignores him . When he was around me couple of times he act like i have no value . I don't get why he can not at least treasure the moments that we has becides sex and remain friendly . I though it meant something

[mr_hopp]

Hey @Natalia1 ... Watch those brain fogs. That's just denial taking a different form. And denial can really knock you down if you let it take the wheel. Take responsibility, disclose with confidence and care (read the herpes talk e-book if you haven't already!), and then you'll find that you'll attract more quality guys into your life. By how you describe it, it sounds like this guy wasn't really a class act to begin with. He took off the condom without a proper discussion about it? Not cool. That's putting you at risk not just for whatever he may have, but also pregnancy (don't know if you're on the pill or shot). My suggestion is to raise your standards. Yes, raise them. Just because you have herpes doesn't mean you need to take the scraps. Know that you deserve more than that. And by clearing your brain fog and disclosing, it will chase away those who won't stick around anyway. It sounds like what you ultimately want is a deeper connection, which you need to know is totally available to you ... 

[makepeacewithit]

I wholeheartedly agree with mr_hopp. Raise those standards! That's actually one of the gifts of H, that it truly helps US raise our standards by helping US weed out the people who aren't open to discovering all of OUR wonderful qualities. I have felt the power of this gift by now feeling much much more justified in moving slowly in dating. I always *wanted* to move slower, but allowed myself to get caught up in the moments that the other pushed for. Now I feel more empowered to take dating at my own pace. I always approach dating as "friends first" and make it clear to the other that I mean it by how I talk to them and the boundaries I have in place for getting to know them. Then, when the person I'm dating seems like someone I genuinely want in my life I initiate talking about the things that are important to discuss before intimacy: attitudes toward safer sex, testing, etc. If they are uncomfortable or if our conversations indicate they are not smart and proactive enough to meet me where I am at I probably won't bother to get to the disclosure stage with them, I will consider myself forewarned and allow nothing but friendship. It's worked for me and I highly recommend it!

[Ishmael]

On 7/11/2019 at 12:58 AM, Natalia1 said:

I been recently diagnosed and did not think much of it . Met a guy , had a brain fog and had sex with him . the only thing is that he tricked me into thinking he woukd wear a condom , while he took it off in the last minute . After sex , I told him it's dangerous not to use protection. he said he doesn't care ,since he can not get hard with a condom . Besides that we spend a lot of time together ( him worshiping me , we walk , talk , eat , watch movies , share things . ) during that time of mostly enjoying each other company . When it was time to have sex again I disclosed . So he dumped me almost immidiatelly . What hurts is that we live in the same appt building and he completelly ignores him . When he was around me couple of times he act like i have no value . I don't get why he can not at least treasure the moments that we has becides sex and remain friendly . I though it meant something

He took the condom off after telling you he would wear one? In Germany, that is considered rape, which I agree with. This guys is a piece of shit. That said, you MUST disclose to partners before sex. 

[Help_me]

What a jerk! You deserve MUCH better!