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missanonymous

Need advice and insight; just diagnosed with HSV2

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I'm looking for some support/advise/insight, really just anything. I got diagnosed with HSV2 a few months ago and this is very difficult for me to deal with. So I started dating this guy, I'm 24 he's 40 with 6 kids. I'm 99% sure it came from him because I never had an outbreak or any symptoms. And 2 days before we had unprotected sex, he told me he had a "small cut" then I get my first outbreak. We both get tested and turns out we both have HSV. He told me he was clean before we had sex. Sex is a really big deal to me because I had been celibate for about 3 years because something that had happened to me, and I'm also pretty religious. When I tried to tell him a little bit about my past he called me stupid and made me feel really crappy. I got depressed after that (I really regret not leaving then). About a month later he tells me he's still legally married to his "ex-wife/ mother of all the kids". That kind of broke my heart cause I was already going back and forth about having sex before marriage and then to find out he's still married and waited so long to tell me. So I felt like crap again...We talked it out and tired to make it work. But obviously I was depressed and he knew it was him and he said he felt bad for me becoming this way. A few months later I get my first outbreak and my world is rocked. I called him before I went to the doctors because I told him I think I had a cut and was in pain. He didn't take it as anything serious and reminded me that he had been tested and was clean. After the doctors I call and tell him I had HSV and told him he seemed to have felt very bad about it and blamed him self. He kept saying how he ruined my life. Here are the red flags, he told me he's gone through this before because he thought he had it but doctors told him he didn't. He never had a viral cultural test just blood test. Which can come back as false negatives. He also later tells me he gets cold sores in his mouth. I believe he knew the whole time and he says he didn't know. 
 

Now we're broken up and still talk from time to time. But I'm so freaking messed up. I'm scared it'll spread, cause it already did. I lost like 8lbs, I try not to eat much because I'm afraid to use the bathroom. I really want to have children one day but I am terrified that I could pass it on to them. (I know I could get C section but I'm still uneasy). I'm scared to think one day if I find someone they won't want me because of the HSV or I'll pass it on to them. So I just want advise and know how other women were able to get married and have kids. I'm just looking for hope.

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