Advice?

[reilly1000]

hey guys,

just started talking to a new guy and just planned a first date for this week. 

however, he just made an sti joke. not a herpes joke, but still. really? the ignorance is real.

should i even bother with going on the date? would you?

thanks 😞

[Hereforalongtimnotagoodtim]

@reilly1000 I think joking about STDs/STIs  is common because people don’t realize really how common STIs really are, and they are just in general misinformed about them. Last night at a birthday party a friend made a joke as well about STIs and it struck such a hurtful chord in me that I got quiet and couldn’t react in a productive way. In hindsight though I wish I had at least talked to her in private after and said, look, this is why we shouldn’t be stigmatizing STDs.... I think she’s a very open minded person in other ways and it could have been used as a teachable moment. I regret not going for it now. But all this is to say that It’s not a bad idea to give people the chance to learn and grow. So many people who are otherwise intelligent and open minded hold so many misconceptions about STDs (I used to be that person too). Maybe if you are interested in pursuing this with him, for now take the time to get to know him, you’ll get a sense hopefully of whether he is someone who has depth and would be open to exanding his understanding about STDs. My now boyfriend didn’t know that herpes and cold sores were the same thing, and he definitely didn’t know how common it was (or other STDs for that matter). As you get to know this guy, you’ll figure out if he will be open to learning or closed off.

[reilly1000]

@Hereforalongtimnotagoodtim you're right. i don't know him well enough. it just sucked because he seems intelligent and open-minded about other things, then makes an AIDS joke out of nowhere i'm like .... wtf. i guess one date wouldn't hurt?

[Hereforalongtimnotagoodtim]

@reilly1000 yeah, I hear you. I find that I’m hypersensitive to jokes and ignorant comments about STDs now. But yeah, it’s a good idea to take it case by case, in my opinion. It’s ultimately completely your decision, if otherwise he has a lot of great traits and you’re interested in giving this a chance you could see what your next conversations are like. You may find down the road that he nervously blurted out a joke like that and later on kicked himself for it “why did I say that?” I mean, it’s very possible that he’s encountered an STD himself before! He may very well be open to new perspectives about it. Good luck!