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golden193

Still with the person who gave it to me and need advice

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I just discovered this community yesterday and am so thankful I did. I was diagnosed with hsv2 1.5 years ago. I was in a brand new relationship that I really saw turning into something serious. Because of the trust and immediate connection we had, we started having sex about a month into our relationship and never used a condom. I started experiencing symptoms less than a week after my unprotected exposure to him and never experienced anything like it before, so my doctor is pretty confident that I got it from him. I was terrified to tell him because our relationship was so new and I didn’t want it to change anything but he handled the news SO well, got tested, and found out he had it too, so it’s likely he had it all along and never knew. 

 

Flashforward, we are still together a year and a half later and are living together. We talk about marriage, kids, our future, etc., but I’d say about  3 months ago I started developing serious doubts that he was my forever person. We just aren’t as compatible as I thought, and so many things he does or says just gets under my skin. I need to decide if I’m only staying in this relationship because it’s “safe” and I don’t have to disclose my status to anyone new, or, if I actually love him and am just in a rut/psych-ing myself out. It’s the chicken or the egg problem if you’re familiar with that analogy! I often have feelings of resentment towards him and think about what my life would be like if we never met and this unlucky thing didn’t happen to me.

id love to hear from anyone who was in similar shoes and stayed with the person who gave it to them out of fear of the alternative (breaking up and facing dating again with your new status). I am seeing a therapist but I am so terrified of rejection and am trying to work on forgiving myself. I know I deserve to be with someone who is a perfect fit for me, but I don’t know if he is that person or not. 

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Would love to hear what you ended up doing and how it all worked out. I am in exact situation and am so anxious about it!

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I'm in the same dilemma as well. I've been with the same guy for 3 years but I feel like I am falling out of love. I think it's the fear of rejection keeping the relationship alive which is super unhealthy. I am so scared for the future. I want to get married and have kids. I have a lot of doubt with my boyfriend. 

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Wow I forgot I wrote this, glad to see others commented.

I wrote this in July and it’s crazy to look back on because when I think about when I started having doubts, I usually say the end of summer/September, but this just goes to show how unhappy I was for so long. I ended up breaking up with him in December. It took me 6 months of fighting, anxiety, sadness, fear etc to build up the courage to do it. 
 

7 months later I’m still single, but having nothing to do with herpes and everything to do with the pandemic! This adds a whole new level of difficulty to dating obviously. I’m scared and nervous I’ll be alone forever but everyone keeps reassuring me that won’t be the case. I’ve since told two close friends about my situation and they were SO unbelievably supportive it made me feel a lot better about telling a future guy. All I can tell you is you deserve to be with someone perfect for you and, while I haven’t found that person yet, I know I made the right decision getting out of my relationship. If we had stayed together and had to quarantine together it would have ended WAY worse than it did. You are more than this virus and you have to hope that someone else will see that. If you’re unhappy now, imagine how unhappy you’ll be 5, 10, 20 years from now and how that will impact your mental and physical health, but also your possible future children. I hope this helps and I will keep people updated if I end up meeting someone who accepts me and my circumstances! Fingers crossed. 

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