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Was dumped by potential love interest after giving him ghsv1, and struggling to get over him and wonder what could’ve been

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It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen him in person, and 1 month since he officially ended it with me. Before this whole mess, I felt a connection with him that I’ve never felt before. It just felt easy for both of us.. unfortunately, I was in a bad place mentally all of my life. I wasn’t ready and I was so scared. My own personal issues prevented me from effectively communicating with him and being considerate towards him.

 

we had sex with a condom at first. I insisted on the condoms. I know it’s a poor excuse, but I hadn’t had an outbreak in 8 years and pretty much “forgot” about it and blocked it out of my brain. I was 19 when I got it and am 27 now. For the first time in 8 yrs I got mild symptoms, but I was in denial of what it was. I went to his place to hang out, got way too drunk and high, and ended up having unprotected sex. I gave it to him instantly. He took it really hard. He took off work and overused substances in response to this. I told him I was there for him if he needed support, but he didn’t reply and we didn’t talk for a month... in the end, he told me that he didn’t want to continue this. We had a final phone call where I said what I needed to say. He told me he forgave me, to never say I’m sorry to him again. He said that he thinks some day we will cross paths again, and that he’ll always say hi to me. He felt like he didn’t get to hang out and know me enough to like me enough to continue this at this point, and that it’s a shame.. and I agreed. I told him I still liked him and kept wondering how things could’ve been had I treated him better. He assured me he wouldn’t use our sex tape against me, and we were even able to laugh about it.. & I cried to him about how I needed my space to heal all along before I even met him. & we wished each other the best. We both care about one another. We’re taking time to heal individually. He said he’d be fine, and to never let this prevent me from living my life and enjoying myself. He said this didn’t have to be the last time we talked, I can still call him if I need someone to talk to, but we prob wouldn’t be as close as we once were. He ended the call saying, “until next time”

i sent him the resources/links to the websites and videos about the disease.. he thanked me for it. It’s been a month. I miss him everyday. He changed my life, and I regret losing him everyday. But we were both so glad we had that talk to get closure.. & it’s really for the best that we give one another space.

ive been in therapy to work on my past trauma/ issues with history of abuse. I’ve been focusing on my professional life and hobbies. This experience brought me closure to my friends and to finding myself. But I still miss the hell out of him and know that he’s moved on. Idk if we can ever be a thing again, but I want to stop wondering. I want to stop stalking him online and thinking about him nonstop. I’m never going to be physically intimate again without full disclosure. I learned my lesson.

 

This is a weird situation that I could’nt have ever imagined being in. I know the pain won’t go away right away. It’s a process. But does anyone have advice?

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I think you need to move one. The reality is if there were only one person aka one penis in the world that could be "the one" then we'd all be screwed. You could be born in different hemispheres and never meet.

His reaction is normal and he's entitled. He might of been just "being nice" about the rejection.

 

You've already learned your what happens when there's no disclosure. But now you have to ACCEPT the consequences. (I'm not chastising you.) I just think you haven't moved towards the acceptance part and its inhibiting you from moving on in a healthy manner.

I think you should stop "stalking" him and focus on how wonderful you are and how much you have to offer to the world. No man should ever be that important to you. Heck you never know. He may come back later...

 

Wishing you luck in moving toward the next part of your life. As a victim of trauma and abuse (I am a survivor too) it can be hard to move forward. However think of it like this. YOU are abusing YOURSELF if you dont move on and focus on getting happy and mentally healthy for yourself. After you do this you will probably radiate new energy that will attract a greater love to you!

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On 8/11/2019 at 8:19 PM, anonymousone said:

I think you need to move one. The reality is if there were only one person aka one penis in the world that could be "the one" then we'd all be screwed. You could be born in different hemispheres and never meet.

His reaction is normal and he's entitled. He might of been just "being nice" about the rejection.

 

You've already learned your what happens when there's no disclosure. But now you have to ACCEPT the consequences. (I'm not chastising you.) I just think you haven't moved towards the acceptance part and its inhibiting you from moving on in a healthy manner.

I think you should stop "stalking" him and focus on how wonderful you are and how much you have to offer to the world. No man should ever be that important to you. Heck you never know. He may come back later...

 

Wishing you luck in moving toward the next part of your life. As a victim of trauma and abuse (I am a survivor too) it can be hard to move forward. However think of it like this. YOU are abusing YOURSELF if you dont move on and focus on getting happy and mentally healthy for yourself. After you do this you will probably radiate new energy that will attract a greater love to you!

Hey, thank you for your reply.. I have been trying to take this month to better myself. If it wasn’t for this horrible situation, I wouldn’t have learned this much about myself. It’s forced me to face truths that I’ve been too uncomfortable to admit to myself. At the same time, I still hate it. I’ve been trying to force myself to do things I enjoy, forcing myself to try to be happy. But I haven’t been. Sometimes I feel like I should’ve just moved on by now and it’s taking too long. I’ve been trying to distract myself, and one of my friends noticed it.. he told me that I need to accept the situation as unacceptable and keep trying to feel a little bit better one step at a time.

 

I’ve been continuing with my therapy, reading self help books to try to heal, doing a lot of introspection.. along with getting back into doing my artwork. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing what I’m “supposed to,” though. That my bad feelings keep coming back. I guess it will just take time and effort.. and accept that it’ll take longer than i want to heal. Bc it’s not just this isolated incident— it’s also years of trauma and abuse that I need to get over. Thank you for spreading the positivity. It’s a real struggle but I force myself to keep on going no matter what. As someone who has also undergone trauma and abuse, what was your process like? How were you able to transition to a better place?

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