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Robdarko

GHSV1 Disclosure for Men How much positive it is?

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Hello

So I was given GHSV1 knowingly by my ex girlfriend who knowingly did not disclose until 3 months into our relationship and then ghosted me when I got the infection and took no responsibility or gave nay support. It has been hard to deal with the breakup and trauma and I don't see any hope in future. I have actually gotten some self sabotaging thoughts as well. I have tried to reach to my ex many times and apologized and she just gave me cold shoulder and no response.

I have read many positive disclosure stories from women I just want to know those men who have GHSV1 how much of a hope there is for finding a partner or to have the disclosure success and how did they went about it?

Need some serious advice as I am spiraling down daily

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I am a woman, and so I can't give you the male support you want, but I do want to offer some reassurance. First off, there is a HUGE segment of the whole population that gets oral cold sores and they don't even think of it as herpes, so that's a plus--they can't get the same virus again. That's the virus you have, but you have it in the BEST place in terms of low transmissibility (I got this info from one of the experts in the field, so it's the truth!) We had the misfortune to acquire the virus genitally, but it can be a blessing in disguise--since this virus doesn't *prefer* the genital area it is definitely not as easily transmitted to others. Oral sex is the biggest potential transmission activity, and that is important to know . . . but there is a strong likelihood that a person you are dating already has the same virus (maybe they get cold sores regularly, maybe they got them as a child, etc), and the chances of them getting it *again* in another location are incredibly small. 

To be honest, I've not had anyone be so concerned with my genital hsv-1 that they chose not to be intimate with me, but I did also find that most of the people I've connected with had it already (orally) or have already dated someone dealing with it and they feel comfortable with it. The biggest problem for me is that *I* am not comfortable with the idea of transmitting it. So I take a daily antiviral when I have a partner who is negative or does not know their status. That cuts the already small risk even lower.

When you have the hsv-1 virus I think it's easier to start off talking about cold sores. When it's time to have the talk, do touch on the basics about how often you test for the other forms of STIs (and if you don't test regularly it's time to start, because you want to walk the walk on this issue). Then say something along the lines of "of course, there are some STIs that don't get included in the regular STI test panels, like herpes. Have you ever had a herpes test, or dated someone with herpes or cold sores on their mouth?" Just introducing the topic of cold sores is exactly the ice breaker you are looking for! "Oh! I had a cold sore once!" and so on from there you can say, "well I have the cold sore virus, too," and as you talk more you can find the right time to explain to them your situation.

One word of advice, though, don't just go looking for girls with cold sores and jump into bed with them. I made the mistake early on of thinking I didn't really need to disclose to a guy who was sporting a huge cold sore, but he was later a bit unhappy that I chose not to tell him first, even though he knew the risk that he could have transmitted it to me and didn't say a thing! The truth is that people DO think there is a big difference when you carry the virus genitally, and they simply need a gentle education. It freaks people out, and so we should acknowledge that and handle the news with care, but then ALSO tell them our great secret: it's actually very difficult to catch it from us from intercourse. 

 

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