Christian 25F w/ HSV2 - S.O.S!!! HELP! Advice Please!!!

[missanonymous]

This is my second thread trying to get some encouragement, advice or something. 

Quick back story: I'm a fairly devote Christian, although I haven't always been that way. I'm not saying I'm a Mother Theresa or anything. I had been celibate for a few years and the guy I had been dating was ok with that. He was the man of my dreams. I moved to be closer to him then one day out of the blue he dumped me. Of course heart broken I eventually get into another relationship. I figured I had been waiting so long to have sex that I was just going to do it. After a few months the guy that I was with told me he was still legally married to his "ex"wife. I was devastated because that's like adultery, even though having sex before marriage is technically adultery too but IDK that was on another level for me. Eventually I try to look past it, because they had been separated for so many years and she even had a boyfriend. It was just the papers didn't get signed so that he could keep his money. After a while we decided to have sex again, few days later get my first out break. It hurt like crap! Emotionally and physically. So I feel like God is punishing me or something, because I technically slept with a married man. I mean how much of a coincidence can that be?! So I feel like I let myself and my religion down. I also feel like I ruined my future with ever getting married or having children.

 

I've been researching about women that have HSV2 and having children. I've seen videos of C-section, looked at the scars and etc. Read about mortality rate for children born with HSV. Then on top of that who will want to marry me? I couldn't imagine the guilt I'd feel spreading this to anyone I cared about. I've also broken up with the guy that gave it too me. He just made me feel bad about the whole situation because I believe he feels like since he's apologized once and "didn't know he had it" (which I think that was a lie) I just couldn't be with him anymore.

 

If anyone could PLEASE HELP ME. Just with the following questions. I would be very appreciative.

1. How do you cope with knowing you could pass this on to someone you love/care about?

2. What's it like emotionally having children?

3. As a Christian how do you move forward with this permanent mark of a past sin?

[mr_hopp]

Hey there and welcome!

Quick answers to your questions:

1. When you disclose to potential partners, then you are both sharing the responsibility of doing your best to not pass it. And if you do, of course it's disappointing, but it's not the end of the world. They were informed initially of the risk and they made an adult decision to take on that risk. And getting herpes while in a loving partnership after being informed and given a choice is a much different experience than getting herpes unknowingly or via lies/deceit. 

2. A lot of the stuff out there that tries to scare you about passing herpes to your child is really extreme, to the point of being a bit too much. Yes, worst case scenario if you happen to get a genital outbreak before going into labor, then you would need to get a C-section. But other than that, the risk of passing herpes to your child via viral shedding is very small. 

3. I would shake off this being a mark of your past sin, sister. 😉 It does you no good to make this into your own scarlet letter. Learn from it and grow from this experience. Allow it to make you an even better and more loving person than you were before. That is how to transform what you may have thought of as a sin into an opportunity. Ultimately, it is what you make it. Your perception of this will impact you way more than the actual virus ever will. We all make mistakes and hindsight is always 20/20. Don't use that as leverage to self-judge and put yourself down. Learn to forgive yourself and love yourself. Start now. 

Here's a recording I made to help you on the path toward radical self love: 
https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/radical-view-on-self-love

[Fmals]

Ok so...Christian here too...

The good thing about our God is that He forgives...He knows we are sinners, and loves us anyways. I need to take my own advice here, as I’ve been super hard on myself lately and haven’t made the best decisions. Just writing this is making me feel better and making me realize that we are humans and God knows this. I’m gonna go say the rosary and start fresh. Good luck to you ❤️