Who gave me herpes?

[Askingmyselfwhyme]

So I’m having a hard time accepting all of this and I believe part of the reason why is because I don’t know exactly who I got it from. I’ve made some terrible mistakes and I’m not proud of myself but here I go...

Man 1: Lost virginity to him back in 2017, been off and on since then. Mind you this was not my boyfriend, just a long time fwb... basically a toxic situationship so it is possible he was having sex with other women. 

Man 2: Was talking for a while before we finally decided to have sex in December. Got super drunk and had unprotected sex one time. We still speak but I’ve never asked. I’m scared of the reaction. Just doesn’t seem like he has it but he has asked me questions like “have you ever had an std?” Like wow dude you’re asking me NOW 8 months later smh. But I kinda brought up herpes the other day and he was disgusted by it and said he wouldn’t want to get it. So that’s what makes me think it wasn’t him but I could be wrong. 

Man 3: In the end of April, One night stand. Met someone at a club and hit it off. I was super drunk and we didn’t use a condom. I know I know 😩 I feel so horrible and disgusting. After this incident I told myself I’m never drinking again. 

So now we’re in June, I’m still messing with Man 1. I had sex with him and we got into our biggest fight. It was so bad I was ready to cut ties. 3 days after intercourse, I experience the worst pain. I thought it was an uti at first so I went to the hospital. The hospital prescribed me pills for uti and I noticed it wasn’t getting any better. When I went back to the hospital, they examined me and thought I had chlamydia or gonorrhea so they gave me a shot. MINUTES LATER, sores appeared down there and I freaked! I called the doctor back in the room and he swore it was nothing. He said it looked like a bad rash that was probably from the gono/chlamydia. So I believed him. 2 days later I returned because the pain was unbearable. The sores became bigger. I couldn’t wipe. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced. After I got over the outbreak I decided to contact Man 1 and tell him. He was shocked and tried to comfort me. He actually cried with me. but that didn’t last long. He eventually cut ties with me because I was making it “hard to talk to”. Whatever that means. I was going through something obviously I am not going to be in the best of spirits but he left me hanging. It hurt me we’ve been close for 2 years and it was that easy for him to leave me alone. 

I’m not sure if I got herpes from my one night stand and got the outbreak in June because of the stress I went through during the argument I had with Man 1. Now that I think back Man 1 did have a scratch on his penis that he swore was a scratch nothing more. I should’ve took it way more serious but I didn’t. Now I’m here. So now I ask you guys who do you think gave me herpes? I know it’s hard to tell but can you let me know your thoughts. I have no one to talk about this with and I’m so stressed out. Please help. 

[Fmals]

My money’s on man 1...but you know there is actually no possible way of knowing... 

 

but a scratch? I don’t have a penis but I’m thinking it’s not too often they get “scratches” 🤔 

 

How have you been feeling since you’ve healed? Did they ever give you a confirmed diagnosis or tell you which type?

[Askingmyselfwhyme]

I was leaning towards Man 1 as well. Even though he was “shocked” and trying to be there for me at first. He still never got checked as far as I know. 

I was also skeptical about the scratch. He said it didn’t hurt/bother him. He said it had started to scab up and went away making me think it was really a scratch. Ugh smh 

Honestly I haven’t been great. I’m a mess tbh. Depression and anxiety has definitely kicked in. Some days are better than others. But there’s not one day that it’s not on mind. I’m pretty sure I’m stressing my body out so much that I’m causing my face to break out and the stress is causing itchiness all over. I’m not sure if it’s herpes related or what. But I appreciate you for asking 😊

I got a swab test on the sores and it came back positive. They called me when the results came in and I was such a wreck that I did not ask the type. I plan to go back in for a blood test and find out exactly which type I have. 

[IJDK]

I understand the need for closure but racking ur brain upsetting urself wont change ur status . This is a big adjustment.