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becominganewme

How to Have Casual Sex With Herpes???

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Hey,

I'm a college student that just wants to feel normal. How do I have casual sex with herpes without feeling guilty of my status? I do not like the idea of disclosing my status to a lot of people, but I also don't want to be dishonest about my status and end up transmitting to someone without their knowledge of the risk. I am on daily antiviral and want to use protection, but sometimes getting men to wear condoms can be quite the task.... Hence how I ended up with herpes. Thoughts please!

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Just putting this out there: You do not have to have casual sex to be "normal". 

 

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I haven’t personally been in the situation yet of having casual sex with herpes, but when I found out I had it, one of my really good friends put me in touch with her friend who has it as well. She told me that at first she thought casual sex was over for her but in her experience no one was ever turned off by it when she disclosed. There was 1 person in the grand scheme of things who refused after that but she has no regrets to this day because he was an asshole anyways so it saved her from going through with that. That’s why people say it can help weed out the undesirables I guess. But really she said it didn’t change her ability to do that, it was an extra step to take beforehand but it wasn’t a deterrent for 99% of the people she went on to sleep with after that. I know everyone’s experience is different with this and there may be people here who would tell you they had a harder time of it, but I would look up some info on how ppl successfully disclosed. I do think it’s important though to be upfront and honest with people even if it’s a one night stand. 

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Take. Things. Slow.

I wouldn’t say that I had casual sex after being diagnosed, but I did go on some dates that led to steamy makeout sessions, more dates, or nada.

I really weeded out who was worth telling and who wasn’t. Going on dates was fun, but I made sure for it to go only as far as making out. If and when I felt like it was getting close to fooling around, I would usually have a few drinks (May or may not be a good idea for you) and I would just tell them I needed to talk to them about something. I gave them a little background to what led up to my diagnosis and then gave them statistics to look out on one of those printouts. I kept it in my night stand; sexy right?? Lol.

It ended up fine for me, just lots of questions. Then we’d usually proceed to whatever step or sometimes we’d just make out. It went well for me but I also really tried to read people and see if they were worth it. On the flip side, I may’ve disclosed a time or two just to practice in the beginning. 

Moral of the story?

One, I’m sure the above makes me seem like I’m a floozy but most of the time I only made out with these people or fooled around, or maybe just liked free meals and a fun evening with someone new!

Two, use this as a tool to gauge who is worth it or not. 

Three, please use protection. Selfishly enough, you’re more prone to contracting other things so protect yourself!

You ARE normal and like the one poster; you don’t need casual sex to be normal!

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@becominganewme I think i understand where you are coming from here. The thing is...your 20s (especially early twenties) are for experimenting, fucking new people if you feel like it, making mistakes and learning from them. I was never one to be real promiscuous but I do feel as though contracting HSV in my late twenties meant I did get to fuck around some and have some great and some not so great sexual encounters. I learned a lot about my sexuality from those partners and I think maybe that’s what you mean by “normal”...you feel you may miss out on those opportunities because of herpes  

The fact of the matter is, you don’t have to stop doing that, but you should always disclose. Does that really suck? Yeah. It definitely does. But unless you go to a super small college, in a super small town, you can still do the Tinder thing, you can still do the frat party thing, you can still disclose to whoever you want and see what happens. I haven’t disclosed to any guys in their early 20s, certainly no college guys. But you may find there are more accepting partners than you think. 

It’s a new world we live in today. Any guy who turns you down and then spreads private information about you will only show his true colors as a complete asshole. Will there be ignorant people who pass judgment on you, maybe. But you need to become comfortable with the fact that honesty should always trump staying in your comfort zone. 

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