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VhYolo

He disclosed.

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I just started dating a man and disclosed to me his h+ status. It was his first time disclosing, so I hope I handled it correctly and didnt cause him any unnecessary pain. I dont want to let his h+ status ruin a good thing, so I'm here to learn. I have been reading through the articles and forums on this website. Thank you for the wealth of knowledge you all have shared! I haven't come across any posts from h- outsiders like me yet. I hope you all dont mind my participation here. 

Do you guys have any words of encouragement or advise? 

 

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First, thank you for understanding that it was not an easy thing for him to disclose - fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of what your reaction might have been.

I know when I disclosed to my boyfriend, I was TERRIFIED...I had found this great guy, he was absolutely amazing...but he had previously disclosed to me that he was "squeaky clean"...and I was so scared that he was going to reject me simply based on the fact that he was so quick to assure me that he knew he was free of any STD/STIs. Would he want to be with me?

And when I disclosed, he surprised me in the best way possible. He told me that it was NOTHING. Made sure I said HSV and not HIV, and then reiterated that Herpes is NOTHING to him. And that he wanted to be with me.

It's been about 7 months now, and things are still amazing. He is still negative, and life is good.

My best advice is to keep learning about it. Learn ways to reduce the risk of transmission, make sure you are comfortable with the facts, and then decide how you want to proceed. It is easier for a man to spread HSV to a woman than it is for a woman to spread it to a man, but with proper precautions, you can reduce the risk to a very low number. Adrial (Mr_Hopp) has been married for years and has a child with his wife and she is still negative last I saw...so it is very possible to have a great, active sex life with someone who is HSV+ and not get it...just know that it is still possible TO get it, so don't put on the rose colored glasses and think it for sure won't happen...because it still can.

However, if you truly feel like this guy is IT for you, then honestly, it won't matter if you do get it if you will be together for the long run/forever. I honestly think this is why it was such a non-issue for my boyfriend.

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