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Is it too late?


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I was diagnosed with HSV2 almost four years ago back in college. I got it from a long term boyfriend. I knew it was him because I had been clean and with another long term boyfriend for a couple years right before him (I didn’t sleep with anyone else in between). He also had an idea of who he got it from— he admitted to passing it to me without knowing. Anyways, it was horrible and devastating. My college’s health service center gave me my results and she told me it was no big deal.. and to just use condoms and when I feel like I want to marry the person (her exact words) then I can tell them. I was young and took the advice seriously. So I stayed with my boyfriend on and off for a couple of years. We’d break up, and I will admit I had a handful of one night stands without disclosing. I listened to what she had said. Long story short, as time when on.. I started feeling like this wasn’t right. I am aware now that it is transmittable through condoms and you can pass it even when you’re not having an outbreak. I’ve been intimate with about 10 people, the last one about 7 months ago— I have the worst guilt and feel like the worst person in the world. I am severely depressed and don’t know what to do. Is it too late to tell people? My thoughts are— if they have it, it may not be from me.. or is it necessary to tell someone up to two years after having intercourse? I’m so desperate for help. I’ve gone to my gyno, (well the PA there) and again, she says not to disclose until you feel ready. I’m on medication and I’ve only had one outbreak, so I do feel like my chances are really slim in passing it.. but it doesn’t make it right for what I did. I feel so disgusting and so sad, I don’t know what to do. Do I go down my list and tell these people? 

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  • 4 weeks later...

don't be so hard on yourself, my Dr's have given me the same advice. I recently met a man and have not disclosed. the shitty part is he didn't take my initial no for an answer, it had been 2.5 years and few outbreaks the last 2 so I did it. then he went and had sex with his ex behind my back. when I had sex with him after her (not knowing at the time) I brought condoms he laughed at me. well now I have an ob. we spent the night together, no sex told him I used a toy and was itchy then I asked him if he had been with the ex (I saw a pic on facebook) he asked about the itch and I said it usually happened when my ex screwed around on me. so now I am debating because he said he's "with me now" he never asked me to be his girlfriend and now I feel trapped. 

chances are you and I are the only ones that have it and fingers crossed we learned lessons and didn't pass it 

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I don’t feel like you should feel too bad, they tell us that in the UK so should everyone here feel guilty all the time too? I think its personal choice and contrary to what most people on this forum think, your taking the necessary precautions so whats the problem? 

Sometimes I dont understand because we’re constantly told its no big deal its just a skin condition but then you get condemned for not disclosing 😩 you can’t win.

If you had passed it to anyone im sure you’d know about it by now!

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 11/23/2019 at 11:38 PM, Lvsandy said:

don't be so hard on yourself, my Dr's have given me the same advice. I recently met a man and have not disclosed. the shitty part is he didn't take my initial no for an answer, it had been 2.5 years and few outbreaks the last 2 so I did it. then he went and had sex with his ex behind my back. when I had sex with him after her (not knowing at the time) I brought condoms he laughed at me. well now I have an ob. we spent the night together, no sex told him I used a toy and was itchy then I asked him if he had been with the ex (I saw a pic on facebook) he asked about the itch and I said it usually happened when my ex screwed around on me. so now I am debating because he said he's "with me now" he never asked me to be his girlfriend and now I feel trapped. 

chances are you and I are the only ones that have it and fingers crossed we learned lessons and didn't pass it 

Did you end up telling him?

Yes, we have to in order to move on. I hate the mistakes I've made.

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On 11/24/2019 at 7:06 AM, LostandFound said:

I don’t feel like you should feel too bad, they tell us that in the UK so should everyone here feel guilty all the time too? I think its personal choice and contrary to what most people on this forum think, your taking the necessary precautions so whats the problem? 

Sometimes I dont understand because we’re constantly told its no big deal its just a skin condition but then you get condemned for not disclosing 😩 you can’t win.

If you had passed it to anyone im sure you’d know about it by now!

Right... I'm conflicted. I now know I want to disclose to future partners, however, this one I drunkenly messed around with is not someone I want to be serious with.. so I was hesitant on telling him. I was also hesitant because I don't feel like I can trust him, and he's pretty judgmental, literally I just wanted a friends with benefit situation. 

Now I'm stuck with the same guilt because I didn't tell him like I planned to.

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On 11/24/2019 at 8:47 PM, Clarity said:

I can relate. Haven’t told a single ex. I feel guilty sometimes too. Moving forward, I’ll always disclose. It I don’t think I’ll be going back in time. Now to just find peace in that...

if you find a way to make peace with it let me know pls :')

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...
On 12/16/2019 at 9:48 AM, Anonymous19 said:

Did you end up telling him?

Yes, we have to in order to move on. I hate the mistakes I've made.

no and my "outbreak" wasn't an outbreak, it was bv 😞 

 

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