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A year and a half after my shock diagnosis following an assault.. I'm still struggling. For the most part, my life is the same. I also have a wonderful partner now who completely accepts me and helps me..he doesnt care an inch.. doesn't mind if he gets it..doesn't see it as a big deal. He is perfect. But we are long distance and I get so nervous when I see him that I often have what I think is an outbreak (1 small tear triggered by sex) when I finally do get to see him. Then I'm never really sure how to proceed the rest of the time we spend together.. .whether to stop sexual contact altogether or carry on as normal in spite of the tear seeing as I'm unsure if it is or isnt an outbreak (he also really really doesn't mind.. ). 

 

The biggest issue for me is that it's on my mind constantly. I feel like its changed me as a person..whether it has on the outside.. no..but on the inside. I worry about seeing him and something spilong it. I feel ashamed of myself and never have before. I feel disgusted by myself and feel different from other people. 

 

I'm not saying these feelings are warranted. My partner keeps reminding me how little of a problem it is. It's just me and how I've reacted to it. Im not sure I'm strong enough to shake these feelings and that really worries me..I dont want to worry my whole life or keep ruining things. I want to be happy and I'm so desperate to be. 

 

Please help if you can. I really need it at the moment more than anything 

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you are sooo lucky to have found a perfect guy who doesn't care. That's the worry that is ruining my mental health and happiness, if I will ever find someone.  Tears are not outbreaks - i have a vagina that tears easily too, even pre-H. Try medicin mama's vmagic - lots of women have found it helps with delicate vulvar skin myself included!

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@Jasmine10You will find someone. I know its hard though. This can be very hard to deal with mentally. I've never really noticed tears prior..but I dont know if that's because I spend a lot more time looking at it in a mirror these days!! As for the tear..its still there. Not so much a tear but a small looking cut. Its been there around 2/3 weeks now. I'm on suppression..could this be an outbreak or just a tear? Is it normal for a tear/cut to stick around so long? Not really sure what to do or how to treat it! 

 

How do you use vmagic and do you have the lipstick?

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Hello. Reading your story, this is what I would do... I would start taking the anti viral three days before seeing him and during as well. Just to help give you peace of mind. I would also use a condom. Between the meds and the condom the risk is much lower. I would do this until the relationship reached engagement and then discuss your sexual relationship and herpes with him again. By that point, you will likely have a better foundation for your intimacy and can let your sexy out! Also, you can tell him how you’re feeling and let him know you want to get through this mental road bump with him. Let him savor every inch of your body and help you feel like yourself again. Sounds good to me haha 

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Thanks. We do those things and I'll continue to. I'm struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts at  the moment. Any positive stories on coping and thriving would be great to hear. 

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I would recommend calling a therapist so you have someone to talk to. I just made an appointment on Wednesday and I can’t wait. I can tell you my story, not sure it’ll inspire you but here goes. During an 11 year relationship I never transmitted HSV. I had a child who was born perfectly healthy and is 7, and she doesn’t have HSV either. I have my horse and downs but my life is good. I stay hyper focused on what may cause me stress and I get rid of it. It’s empowered me and given me strength. And you can have a life just as full as mine. Figure out ways to cope and to mange your bad days and then remember who you were before this. You are still that person! And the world needs that person. Much love to you 

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