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Wingstatoo

Made to feel less than

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My boyfriend of 2 years and I recently had a conversation that left me feeling like he sees me in a different way because I have herpes. About a year back he had mentioned sex without condoms. To be honest we were both drinking, so I never said anything more about it. I recently brought up what he said and he flat out told me that we could never have sex without condoms because his health is the most important thing to him and he won't jeopardize it by rolling the dice on unprotected sex with me. While I understand why he said that, and I would never want him to get it, the way he talked to me made me feel like he sees me as less than an ideal partner because I have an incurable virus (as he called it).  Now I'm questioning if I can stay with someone who sees me that way. Am I being overly sensitive?

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No I don’t think you are. I would’ve taken it the way you did. It’s a hard one..he has every right to be concerned for his health but I also think he should’ve said it in a better way. Maybe you should tell him that you respect his want to not contract HSV but that the way he went about it made you feel less than. Just be straight up! My boyfriend says, “I’m worth the risk” but I also think that’s dumb in some ways..lol. I do appreciate it very much. This doesn’t mean you need to have someone who feels that way; I think you just need to tell him the way he went about it made you feel like a, b, and c. If his reaction is crappy and defensive, well then you have a whole other issue of him being insensitive and that may be a red flag!

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I agree, I'd have a big problem with the way he said it. I have a feeling a few guys I've dated struggled for the same reasons but they were tactful to never say it in that manner. And ultimately its hard if not impossible for it to work with someone who isn't all in. Its a risk for sure, and its not for everyone. But there are so many happy discordant couples (I think that's the word for + and - couples) out there that with the right person it doesn't matter when steps are taken to reduce the risk.

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