Ladies, how did you get your sexy back?

[Clarity]

Prior to my diagnosis I felt like a sexy  goddess. I would never say that to the public, but felt it with every cell of my body. But here we are, post diagnosis and a different me. I miss my old energy. I want to feel alive and on fire again. Can you relate? And what occurred for you to feel like a goddess agin? 

[LoveTheMountains]

Hi there, I've posted in a few places that might relate to your question. I don't think I wrote about it in terms of getting my "sexy back" lol but in some ways I guess that's what it was!  Trying doing a search for threads that I posted in to read more. I'd link them here but its late and I'm headed to bed.  I guess if I could sum it up I essentially got tired of "hiding behind my shame" and just got busy living again, and got more opportunities to disclose, and in the process I discovered whoa men still liked me- a lot. And not just for sex, but liked spending time with me. Realized I wasn't damaged goods.  Realized disclosure was often a "turn on" for many of them and lead to more intimacy (something that many others on the forums have also found). 

[LoveTheMountains]

BTW I'm in my 40's now and feel way sexier and more vibrant than ever!  It really is a surprise to me. I did not expect this.  

[no_joyride]

Still trying to figure this one out...

I have constant OB's one just rolls into another one.

I can't even imagine why anyone would want to go there.

Feeling really down.  I am also in my 40's and single and I feel that I will probably never be with anyone ever again.

LOVETHEMOUNTAINS please tell me how you disclose so that men love it!!!

On 11/26/2019 at 10:48 AM, LoveTheMountains said:

Hi there, I've posted in a few places that might relate to your question. I don't think I wrote about it in terms of getting my "sexy back" lol but in some ways I guess that's what it was!  Trying doing a search for threads that I posted in to read more. I'd link them here but its late and I'm headed to bed.  I guess if I could sum it up I essentially got tired of "hiding behind my shame" and just got busy living again, and got more opportunities to disclose, and in the process I discovered whoa men still liked me- a lot. And not just for sex, but liked spending time with me. Realized I wasn't damaged goods.  Realized disclosure was often a "turn on" for many of them and lead to more intimacy (something that many others on the forums have also found). 

 

[LoveTheMountains]

@no_joyride

Well, hard to say exactly because each is a little different but for the most part it is probably similar to how a lot of people on here disclose. I think some people have written down verbatim and posted it.  Like everyone says, don't be dramatic and a tearful mess, that scares people. But honestly many of my early disclosures were that way because I simply didn't have the practice.  If I could go back in time I'd just start disclosing away on casual dates that I wasn't that interested in just for the shear practice! I feel like its the repetition (and realizing most men weren't horrified that helped me get better).  Also I used to have such awful buildup of anxiety before disclosing.

Actually I will probably be disclosing to someone new this week. We had two awesome dates.  I usually disclose around date 3, at least that's become my pattern. My reason is because 1) I want to see if I even like the person enough to the time to talk about this (usually by date 2 or 3 I know if I ever want to see the person anymore. Date 1 I don't count as far as judging how I feel about the person because 9 times out of 10 the men I've gone out with spend the date with awkward and sometimes obnoxious bragging and non-stop talk about themselves lol! I know its usually just due to nervousness!  By date 3 if we have some chemistry we're usually much more comfortable and I can tell if I'd like to see the guy more. 2) I need to get a gauge on whether I feel I can trust this man with my very personal information. 

Anyway I will update how it goes.  He has some very stressful life issues going on that he disclosed to me on day one because he wanted to make sure he wasn't "wasting my time". Because of that I actually wanted to disclose by date 2 as a way of being mutually open as I think he is seeing himself as a bit undesirable right now. But since he seemed stressed on date 1 and we were having so much fun on date 2 I figured we needed to just have that day to be carefree. My biggest concern with my disclosure is I do not want to add to his problems (not health related) with the potential of passing this on.  So I think worse case scenario is we will determine it may be best to just take things slow and be friends if it is just too much. 

I will write some more about your question soon...headed out at the moment. Hang in there and maybe just try getting out there and casually dating.  I'm finding there are definitely men out there in our age range who are just wanting to connect with a human being, go out and have a nice conversation over dinner etc (the mid 30's to 50's are actually considered very lonely years in western culture...whole other conversation).

[LoveTheMountains]

@no_joyride

Hi again, back to add some more. Check out this link where I posted twice in.  You talked about rolling outbreaks; in it I talk about health stuff. And you talk about thinking no one will want you; I wrote some stuff about that. Both are pretty long lol bc I wrote a lot!

 

 

[LoveTheMountains]

@no_joyride  This is another one you should read. A couple of of list some of our history of disclosing. My history in particular shows a clear pattern of how I sloooowly improved and got to the place where I'm at today. A lot of the women on that post are in their 40's.

https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/6001-successful-online-dating-herpes-disclosures-female-to-male/page/2/

[CK245]

I totally need guidance on this too, as I was diagnosed 2 days ago. I used to love getting dressed up and going out, but now I just feel like- what’s the point? No matter how “hot” I make myself look on the outside, I’ll always know that any guy who knew the truth about me would run in the other direction. I don’t think I’ll ever feel sexy again.