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nat87

Love (H)appens!

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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here, but I want to share my story as this forum gave me hope in my darkest days following my diagnosis. Stories, like the one I’m about to share, helped me to know that there’s life after herpes when it felt like my life would never be the same. 
 

I was diagnosed in April 2015 after I had unprotected sex with the person I was in a relationship with. We had only been dating two months and about 10 days after our first unprotected encounter, I had my first (and worst) outbreak. When I told my partner he didn’t seem concerned, worried, etc - which was odd to me, but it’s ultimately irrelevant. I was crushed after my diagnosis, I had always been so careful and now I felt like my world was ending. 

I continued on with my relationship even though I knew from the start that there were major incompatibility issues/red flag. Namely, the person I was with had somewhat of a drinking problem. But he treated me well and he happily accepted me after my diagnosis. I convinced myself that dealing with the things that were wrong with the relationship would be easier/better than dealing with herpes and dating. I spent THREE years convincing myself. Our relationship progressed and we began talking about marriage. There was always a nagging feeling that I deserved better, it wasn’t all bad, but it definitely wasn’t right. But each time that nagging feeling, I quickly pushed it to the back of mind, reminding myself again that being in this relationship would be better than dealing with Herpes and dating. Right around the 3 year mark the drinking got out of control and I became very unhappy and depressed, I could no longer ignore the truth that I deserved better so I finally made the decision to leave my partner.

 

After my breakup I was in a very bad way. Second guessing my decision, dealing with the anger of having herpes. To top things off my ex texted me at one point saying that he got tested again and it came back negative, the doctor said his symptoms could be attributed and an ingrown hair or pimple. I was so angry that he went on living his normal life despite having seen his obvious symptoms with my own eyes. I’m almost certain that he was my giver, but again it’s irrelevant as it doesn’t change my diagnosis.

I didn’t date for months as I was trying to heal from my relationship. I was also very scared of putting myself out there and having to have ‘the talk’. I always believed dating was hard enough and having to disclose H on top of that would be impossible.

After 8 months I got up the courage to start dating again. I reluctantly joined a dating app, 3 days later I was going on a date with one of my matches. I was prepared for it to fail miserably. But that night I met the most wonderful man, we hit it off immediately. We hung out everyday for a week and things progressed quickly. After a week of dating I disclosed my status - not eloquently, I might add. Things were a little weird for a few days as he considered this information, but after a few days his response was that he felt that it would be a huge mistake to write off our budding relationship because of my diagnosis.

That was one year and two months ago. One month ago, the love of my life proposed to me and we’re getting married next October! I have never been happier! 

I wanted to share this story with the forum because the people here were a huge source of support when I needed it. I’m sharing this as more proof that a herpes diagnosis isn’t the end of dating, when you find the right person, your diagnosis won’t stop you from being together ❤️

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Yes, congratulations and good on you for having the courage to disclose (even sloppily)! 😉

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing this with the community (and I'm so glad you felt supported during your dark days). So many folks come here when they're the most down and need support, then they get better and a lot of times we don't hear that positive side of the story. It's so important to see this side of things. And yes! It's such a healthy perspective to have that herpes can be a great relationship filter to actually help you clarify who is truly right for you.

It can be such a beautiful surprise to find out that life isn't just "ho-hum manageable" with herpes, but even better than you ever thought possible (I certainly am in that camp myself with a wonderful wife and amazing little toddler)! Big hugs to you ... 

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Omg! Your story describe me to a T! I just broke up with my first bf of 2.5 years this week. I’ve been crying all day long. He messaged me (he couldn’t even call) and told me his result were negative. I was shocked! I never been with anyone sexually but him and I also had those nagging feelings that he wasn’t the one. I stayed with him because he was going to buy a house and gave me a promise ring. But, I felt stuck and settled when I found out about my diagnosis. I knew I couldn’t be with that man but he was a good guy or so I thought. I know it’s hard rn but it will get better. My sister told her diagnosis to the family several years ago and I looked at her horribly. I regret that and now she is my biggest supporter and we talk nonstop. I appreciate you sharing your story with me. My sister tells me to realize how I am discovering the journey of loving myself. We both had a super critical mother so we do have issues from that. I feel a bit sorry for my ex. He is not accepting what happened to him and will waste time caring that baggage and hurting people. 

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@Elise I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough go of it, but I promise it DOES get better. It gets so much better. It’s amazing that you have your sister to support you ❤️ I disclosed my status to my friends and my family and their support in my diagnosis and my breakup were my saving grace. Try to keep your chin up, it’ll be tough for a while but time will heal. You did a really brave thing leaving a relationship that wasn’t right for you, you should be REALLY proud of yourself. Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat!

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1 hour ago, nat87 said:

@Elise I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough go of it, but I promise it DOES get better. It gets so much better. It’s amazing that you have your sister to support you ❤️ I disclosed my status to my friends and my family and their support in my diagnosis and my breakup were my saving grace. Try to keep your chin up, it’ll be tough for a while but time will heal. You did a really brave thing leaving a relationship that wasn’t right for you, you should be REALLY proud of yourself. Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat!

Thank you, your words are so helpful. People on this website are so honest and forgiving. I’m happy the website creator made this available. I know it’s saved lives. I’m not sure how to message on here, so that might take me a minute to figure out. 

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@nat87Thanks so much for sharing your success! I am still trying to navigate the waters of dating with HSV so hearing success stories like this really gives me hope. Thank you and congrats!

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