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Cheated and defeated


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So this is my story.  I met a younger woman roughly five years ago.  Actually we started training for a new job at the same time.  I can still remember her first words to me, "Watchu doin (my name)?  We didnt really connect at that time, but I knew I was attracted to her.  Anyway to make a long story short, we eventually started dating.  Over the course of the relationship there were concerns/evidence that there was some extra-carricula activity on her side.  I proposed anyway.  She said no but had changed her mind before the end of the night.  Continuing; there was more activity discovered and I broke off the engagement.  And while doing my best to want to stay, we have a two year old son to consider, I goes to the doctor for a routine checkup. Just so happens, I was experiencing my second out break, (didnt know what it was the first time, kept putting ointment on it and it went away eventually), so I had the doc look at it and sure enough he said "Looks like herpes to me my man".  So he took the culture and gave me some meds and sent me on my way, in shock.  Later that evening I told her I was sick.  She asked, whats wrong and I told her the doc said I had Herpes.  So by this time Im trying to figure how I contracted it, never gave it thought it was from her.  So she comes over to me and says "Im so sorry, I was raped as a teen", and she walked away in tears, again saying im sorry, im sorry.  So of course I consoled as best I could.  Im still kinda in disbelief.  I wasnt mad at her,but I was very disappointed that she did not tell me until after the fact.  After some time I decided I did not want to be the relationship anymore, and I started talking to a young woman who works in the same building, and confided that I indeed had it, and I made the mistake of telling her who gave it to me. It wasnt 2 weeks before it got back to me that she ran her mouth.  I feel so bad for her right now, like a piece of shit, no, a pile of shit, damn!!!!!!!

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Certainly a multi-layered situation with a lot of different emotions involved. You feeling upset that she wasn't truthful with you while also having empathy as to why she has a lot of pain surrounding herpes and being raped. And then talking to the new woman about it who you assumed you could also trust, but then having that new trust betrayed as well. It doesn't sound like you were telling this new woman out of malice that your ex gave you herpes, right? It sounds like you were just being honest and upfront with her, perhaps a bit naive that it might get back to your ex. Take this as a lesson learned that disclosing to potential partners is all about asking yourself the question, "Do I trust this person with my vulnerability?" And if the answer is a no or there's any hesitation, then wait until that trust is established before you pursue the relationship on a more intimate level and disclose.  

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