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devilinblue

Coping with the news, I love her.

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I started dating a girl. We did have sex the first night (protected) and for the first month. After “falling” for each other continued to have protected sex which naturally lead to unprotected. We confessed our love for one another and have had an amazing relationship. With both of us going through divorces and coping with broken hearts, kids, it’s been quite mind blowing to meet someone that makes you feel you’re okay!
In an attempt to shorten, i found herpes meds in her cabinet. Questioned her, she was honest and said she got HSV2 11 years ago. Obviously a blow to the “honesty” of our relationship i felt betrayed in a way. Not an attempt to stick up for her...wrong is wrong. She just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship...her self worth has been beaten down her whole life. Although i feel that’s no excuse i understand the mental hardship that confessing such embarrassing information can bring.
I have accepted the numerous apologies and we have chosen to strive for our future. I don’t want her to feel guilt or shame, I want us to focus on being supportive for each other mentally and physically. My question is coping with my own emotion. How do I start progressing beyond this (which is what i truly want) faster...or will all of this just take time...

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You're right that building trust takes time, especially after your trust in her has taken a hit. And it requires continuing to choose trust and let go of resentment for long-term partnership to go deeper (which is a process). You sound like a compassionate guy who loves this woman very much. And you can see why it might have been difficult for her to disclose out of fear of rejection (while you still hold an expectation of integrity/truth in relationship). It's certainly a dance. Be patient with it. Just you coming on this forum and asking the questions you're asking means a lot about your self-awareness and shows your deep value of integrity. 

By the way, if you would like support in this via couples coaching, here are details:
https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/herpes-coaching


Free e-book & handouts: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook 
The Opportunity Lifestyle Guides: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/lifestyle-guides
Book a one-on-one coaching session: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/herpes-coaching

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