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Afraid to Date


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I was feeling good and thought this diagnosis isn’t going to define me or stop me. I went back to my online dating and found a site where there’s a lot of questions someone can answer and post to their profile. Ironically they have questions about dating with HSV and STDs in general. Not everyone answers them but a good amount do. I did, figured it was a step in the right direction. Unfortunately I just keep coming up on profiles where they answer those questions as no. No one wants to date someone with herpes. It’s just a fact of life. I can’t believe one mistake of mine is literally defining the rest of my romantic life. I have a great career and a beautiful child so I should just suck it up. But I was really hoping I could date. I just don’t think it’s in the cards anymore. I feel very defeated. Bad day. 

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Sorry you’re having a bad day. I’ve been there...I too have a beautiful child and great job...I’ll count those twice as blessings...What dating app was this? Just curious 

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@Fmals

i was thinking about and a lot of ppl don’t answer, perhaps they are afraid to answer. I thought it could be a good way to answer them personally so that when people see the responses it may make them feel more comfortable answering or messaging to say me too or idk. It’s worth a shot. It’s actually okcupid. Now don’t get me wrong to find someone worthy even without the blemish is a search effort, this will add an additional layer of digging. I was impressed by the questions. The funniest thing I realized was some of these men say yes to being peed on but won’t date someone with a cold sore. That person just automatically gets an F. What the hell. There are other good questions about hobbies, politics, religion, cleanliness, debt. I liked it. One guy had the same answer as me on 150 questions, then was like nope I don’t date hsv people lol. Oh well. I’m not going to lose hope. It will work out. Better day today. 

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Honestly for me, I am not ashamed when guy's say they dont date people with herpes because before i contracted it I was one of them who feared STDS. Remember it is highly stigmatized. Spend some time becoming more knowledgeable about the illness and NEVER disclose too early. 

Stay positive but be smart as well.

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13 hours ago, Kacey said:

Honestly for me, I am not ashamed when guy's say they dont date people with herpes because before i contracted it I was one of them who feared STDS. Remember it is highly stigmatized. Spend some time becoming more knowledgeable about the illness and NEVER disclose too early. 

Stay positive but be smart as well.

This is me as well! I was SOOOOO paranoid and afraid of std’s. I’m also a hypochondriac...and I was one of those people who would have probably said no too...ah the irony. 

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Emmy19, 

 Maybe you should try, like I did, postive singles.   Granted, you will get the jerks still.   I went on two dates with guys on that site that, one guy I wanted to slap into the next state and another one who made me scare to talk about h in public.  He was also bitter about his divorce.  So there are more things to be concerned about then h, but then I met a guy on there that was wonderful.  We have been together for over a year now and I couldn't be happier.   We do have our problems, but they are normal problems that every relationship has and will define a relationship.  He makes me feel normal like I should feel and just because we both have H, it's not that big of a deal for us.  To each other, we are normal people in a normal relationship, even if we do talk about it, our experiences and how we got it, it's like two people having a normal conversation.  There is no stress and no worries.   So think about that website.  It might be a little easier.  Hopefully this helps you and others who read this.  

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I did a lot of research and frankly after now living with it it’s not that big of a deal. I know some people have horrible experiences but I don’t. But I also take daily suppressive therapy. As for positive singles I think it’s an idea. I just don’t like the notion that you need some special place to go get a date. It’s really amazing that you found someone. That’s good PR for the site.  I’m gonna take it day by day. The way I’m trying to see it is I have to be ok with me and accept it all. Then I’ll be completely comfortable talking about it. It’s only been 2 months so it’s still an evolution. And yes I would have said no too. It totally changes the perspective now. 

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I thought I met my soul mate and turned out he was my worst nightmare.. I conceived a beautiful baby boy from this relationship but everything else I got was negative. It ended up being a horrible mentally abusive relationship and he had lied to me about a lot of things including genital herpes. I used to be such a happy and healthy person and now I'm the exact opposite.  I just left the relationship 2 weeks ago .. I quit my job I had just started after being a stay at home mom for 7 months and moved back home with my son. I feel so defeated and disgusted with myself. Whenever I see myself all I can think of is how my dating life is ruined. . especially being back in my home town.  And although dating isn't something I'm interested in right this second,  I would like to eventually.  I know I'm a wonderful person that got beaten down by someone who was not worth my time but now I feel like I'll never be able to openly date with confidence. I have given thought ti the online dating sites but I am old school and would like to meet someone when the universe puts that person in my path. . not through a keyboard. I'm just in a rutand needed to vent with people who understand.

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