My psychologist advised against online support groups.

[Kacey]

I told my psychologist that i joined an online support group for herpes. I told her how much i liked it and listed the benefits. However she said , sometimes online support groups cause one to be more depressed or anxious because of others strong opinions. Especially if you already suffering mentally because of this illness. She shared a powerful article too. Read this everyone: "How herpes became the sexual boogeyman"

She also said. The illness itself is not what most people fear but it's the stigma attached to it that has caused the fear shame and guilt.

For those who struggle with disclosure:

She also said we should find courage in our vulnerability. 

I asked another psychiatrist why people do those evil things? (this is specifically who were victims of sexual predators like myself. The guy purposely gave it to me. )

Her response was that its human nature to be selfish and sometimes other people are battling their own demons. It's just sad that they drag innocent people in their own battles. She also said (this is the most important part) ‼you never know what people are capable of doing as such it's your responsibility to protect yourself against the unseen. ‼

[mr_hopp]

I both agree and disagree with your psychologist. It's just not so black and white. The question to ask yourself when looking at online forums is this: "What story is being supported here?" Is it the story of optimism and vulnerability or the story of negativity and shame? Are the members being supported in their resiliency or are they being supported as helpless victims? The context is super important here.

Sometimes a forum itself can be rife with negativity and supporting a super depressing storyline about the future. Sometimes it's individual people posting who are caught in a negative storyline about what this now means about them and their lives. It's the classic motif of dark and light. Which will win out? The one you give more attention to.

Even on this forum, there are plenty of folks who initially arrive with a super negative mindset, which is understandable since stigma is so commonplace. (Yes, I was one of those people when I first got herpes!). But once we know better, then it's up to us to be representatives of the light, of optimism, of Opportunity ... to become Stigma Bulletproof (and then pass that mindset along to those who need it).

This is when an online forum can be a place where minds — and subsequently lives — can be changed for the better. 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

Hi,

These forums can definitely be dire. I am one of those folk who is completely fine with my diagnosis but I think that’s because I had to tell 2 sexual partners about it straight away and they were both totally chill which made me reflect on my initial horror lol. I like to come on here because it’s not one of those things that you can just talk about in general conversation so it’s a safe place to chat. I am also interested in other people’s experiences. 
 

I’ve definitely taken breaks from forums though. If I feel myself getting frustrated with other people’s anger/sadness/bitterness I know it’s time for a break.

Stay positive and do what feels right for you ❤️

[unwritten]

Thank you for this article! I've been having a tough time physically (uncommon, recurring irritation that's baffling my gynecologist) and this is a good reminder of how trivial this infection once was. Once I get my symptoms under control (Dear Universe) and get back to a place where I may start dating again, I'm sending this article to them! (Or maybe I won't have to since some people take it pretty well!)

[Kacey]

20 hours ago, mr_hopp said:

I both agree and disagree with your psychologist. It's just not so black and white. The question to ask yourself when looking at online forums is this: "What story is being supported here?" Is it the story of optimism and vulnerability or the story of negativity and shame? Are the members being supported in their resiliency or are they being supported as helpless victims? The context is super important here.

Sometimes a forum itself can be rife with negativity and supporting a super depressing storyline about the future. Sometimes it's individual people posting who are caught in a negative storyline about what this now means about them and their lives. It's the classic motif of dark and light. Which will win out? The one you give more attention to.

Even on this forum, there are plenty of folks who initially arrive with a super negative mindset, which is understandable since stigma is so commonplace. (Yes, I was one of those people when I first got herpes!). But once we know better, then it's up to us to be representatives of the light, of optimism, of Opportunity ... to become Stigma Bulletproof (and then pass that mindset along to those who need it).

This is when an online forum can be a place where minds — and subsequently lives — can be changed for the better. 

I agree with you. I think this support group has helped me alot. May I add that i was once negative too but overtime i started gaining confidence. 

[Kacey]

11 hours ago, unwritten said:

Thank you for this article! I've been having a tough time physically (uncommon, recurring irritation that's baffling my gynecologist) and this is a good reminder of how trivial this infection once was. Once I get my symptoms under control (Dear Universe) and get back to a place where I may start dating again, I'm sending this article to them! (Or maybe I won't have to since some people take it pretty well!)

You are welcome dear. I haven't seen my gynae in a long while. You know what really helps. Exercising, managjng stress through a coping skill, eating lots of fruits and veges, taking vitamin c, herpes meds and probiotics. You can also take multivitamins. Oh yes DRINK A WHOLE LOT OF WATER. SLEEP WELL. Focus on Goals...Honestly once i have started doing this overtime i havent had an outbreak. Initially those steps were taken to show myself that i am still going to take "care of me" and "love me" despite herpes. Turns out it had lot more benefits.

Note: I do have relapses from time to time. I will cry or vent on the forum. So I started seeing a pyschologist to help me with the mental "symptoms" that comes with hsv but physically i am fine.