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Successful Disclosure, Finally!

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I have been waiting for the day where I could finally post in this topic starter! I have had my first successful disclosure and he was completely understanding and accepting. We have gotten to know each other on an emotional level more than anyone I’ve ever met.  I am so proud of myself for having the courage to tell him as I know a lot of people don’t. 

The next part has been a little tricky. We have not had sex yet and honestly both him and I are scared to. I don’t want to pass this on to him. I would be devastated. But at the same time I want to see how our physical connection is. I have not had sex in over a year and am nervous that our first time will cause an outbreak. What can I do to prevent this? Does the anxiety of transmitting eventually go away? 

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Congratulations! (I'm doing a big happy dance for you over here.) I'm proud of your courage and integrity and that you have been rewarded with an emotionally available man and trustworthy man. Bravo. This is why we refer to this as a great relationship filter.  

And yes, the anxiety of transmitting herpes absolutely does dissipate. I've had herpes for over a decade now. My wife and I have been together for 5+ years now and she hasn't gotten herpes yet. It's just not a thing we worry about together. There are much riskier things we as human beings do every day (driving a car is a biggy!). The spectre of transmission looms large early on because of the stigma and shame, but the more you learn to accept yourself, talk openly to your partners and trust that awareness is the biggest way to protect your partners, the paranoia that you once had moves into being careful (full of care).

So my suggestion to you is to take it slow ... in more ways than one. 😉 Ask him to be slow with you. Use a lot of lube if you need to. Be present with each other as you are having sex. Have the care you have for each other translate into how you make love. Paranoia distances, but care connects. Also, take your time for how long and how often you'd like to have sex. Keep an open dialogue as both of you ease your way back in together. 

And finally ... Enjoy! 🙌💝

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  • mr_hopp changed the title to Successful Disclosure, Finally!

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