Please help - coping and disclosure

[strawberries]

Hello! I am new to this group and I am looking for support and advice.

When I was 13-16, I was in a relationship where I was frequently sexually assaulted. He would coerce me into having sex with him with threats of self-inflicted harm. He told his parents we were having sex and they supported it. I was young and was upset with myself for being uncomfortable - if it was okay with everyone else why was I so upset? I was embarrassed to tell my friends or my parents, so I bit my tongue and they still are unaware to this day. After two and a half years, that relationship ended but it was a lot harder to navigate the world after that. In my junior year of college (six years later) I talked about it for the first time to my favorite professor, and he helped me through therapy and to work through what had happened. I was finally becoming comfortable with who I was physically, and I felt ready to take on the world. 

A few months later, I was in a new relationship and everything was going smoothly. I told him about what happened in my first relationship and he was very considerate of how I was feeling every step of the way. He was the first person I comfortably had sex with. Within the first two weeks of us being together physically, I tested positive for HSV. Before we were together, I had him get updated STD tests, and we always used protection. I talked to him about it and he was unaware that he had it. We worked through it together, but we broke up a few months later for unrelated reasons.

Now that I am alone, I am genuinely coming to terms with all of this for the first time. When I was with my ex we didn't have to worry about passing it because we clearly both had it. Now, I am facing the reality of how this will impact my life and the relationships I may forge. 

It took me six years to become comfortable in my sexuality, and it feels like that was ripped from my hands. I am having issues being comfortable with myself, let alone other people. 

I recently have been talking to someone that is everything I could need in a person, and him and I get along very well. I am very anxious to talk to him about it. I feel like it is definitely too soon to bring it up, but I am so tired of having this weight on my chest. This is the kind of conversation I would want to have in person, but due to the recent COVID pandemic that is definitely not an option. I kind of want to rip the bandaid off and tell him about my first relationship and my HSV status, but I am not sure the best way to move forward in doing so. 

I am not sure how to navigate through all of this, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

 

[Alexus]

I’d say if you guys have frequent sexual conversation, which let’s be honest we’re grown it happens, & maybe if you’re talking about this corona virus, maybe bring up this virus? You know how many ppl could have corona & be asymptotic & it’s the same with hsv? See where his head is at with that, & take it from there, you don’t have disclose there but this is a great way to bring it up