Married for 8, been with him 12, new diagnosis

[RoseLynne]

I haven't officially been diagnosed, still waiting for results, but my dr is certain it is herpes and started me on valtrex 2x a day. I have never experienced pain like this and I've had two kids! It started with sensitive skin in my inner thighs, like nerve pain or my pants rubbing wrong. I now have swollen glands in my groin and am losing sleep because of the pain from the sores. I have been with my husband 12 years between marriage and dating. He is the ONLY partner I've had in that time. I trust him when he says he has never cheated on me. He has had cold sores on his face since he was a child. They pop up from time to time when he is stressed or getting sick. I went into the relationship knowing he had these and it was most likely hsv1. Because of this, him performing oral sex on me is few and far between but it has happened. He has never had a genital outbreak. I have never had an oral outbreak. Is it possible for him to pass hsv1 to me? Possibly one of the few times he went down on me, or even just touched a sore and didn't wash his hands before touching me? Could it have been dormant for a long time and flared up due to the stress of all this coronavirus stuff now that I'm a stay at home mom and teacher to my two kids? I've been going through all the possible scenarios, because being in a monogamous relationship for so long to have this news is devastating. I'm devastated. 

[mr_hopp]

Hi @RoseLynne! Yes, all of your above scenarios could be true. I'm sorry I can't give you a more definitive answer, but you're running into the frustration a lot of folks have when trying to figure out how they got herpes. One way to get a definitive answer that will help you on your detective hunt would be to get a Western Blot test, which will tell you which type you have. And to be sure, wait another 3 months (easy now since we're in quarantine!) to make sure any antibodies build to detectable levels. 

And I hear you that you're devastated. It's a normal response to getting herpes, but also know that for the vast majority of people it doesn't end up being something that drastically changes their lives for the worse. The stigma would have you believe that it's a life and love ender, but that's all BS. Over time (give it 6 months, year tops), your body will have the virus more under control and you'll have very few outbreaks since you most likely have genital HSV-1 (which doesn't prefer to be on the genitals, hence less viral shedding and outbreaks). Make it through the first few outbreaks knowing that there are brighter skies for you in the future. And we're always here for you if you need a shoulder or someplace to vent ... We've all been there. Hugs to you.