black day :(

[startover098]

So within the last week, I've discovered my relationship was basically a lie & now the HSV2 diagnosis. This has all been alot to take. The heartache is still so new that, weirdly, the diagnosis seems almost secondary. The relationship came after a long rebuilding period after my divorce (ironically, from a cheater-although I saw that one coming so far in advance that I had plenty of time to prepare for leaving). I was in a great place, buying my first house & wasn't looking for anyone when "mr wonderful" entered my life. I kept him at arms length for awhile, but he worked & worked and won my trust and my heart. In retrospect, I can now see when he started to pull away, but never in million did he give any indication we were no longer exclusive or that he was headed in another direction (or two). I thought he was a man of extreme integrity & never suspected for a minute. Now I find myself fixated on WHY (which I know is ridiculous). But after going through this TWICE, I keep wondering if there is something fundamentally un-lovable about me. I know the new-ness is probably keeping me from seeing the other side of things, but with this diagnosis, I'm obligated to honesty with anyone who might enter my future (although that seems like a VERY remote possibility at this point). How do I do that without absolute trust? How will I ever be able to trust again?