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mag333

I just found out I have hsv2 and I need support

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I had my first outbreak April 1st of this year and it was horrible, literally the worst pain of my life. And due to covid I didn’t want to go to the doctor, I thought I just had a really bad yeast infection and I had cut myself by scratching in my sleep until it got really bad. So I went to the doctor on day 5 of my outbreak and got put on valtrex and it took me almost 4 weeks to feel better and I was fine for a day or two and now I have another outbreak. Although this one is basically painless, just itchy, I’m feeling horrible about myself. I feel like it’s completely my fault and I shouldn’t have been as promiscuous as I have been. I got out of a 3 year emotionally abusive relationship less than a year ago and I suck at being alone so I went a little crazy trying to meet new people but as a 22 year old female, that usually turns into sex. So I’ve slept with a lot of people this year and I blame myself 100% for this. But I don’t know how to tell the man who gave it to me, he keeps asking to see me but I am so scared if I tell him he’s going to expose me or get angry with me. It’s possible he knows he has it and just didn’t disclose but I can’t imagine doing that to someone so I want to believe that he doesn’t know yet. I’m planning on telling him, I just need to accept it myself first because I still am having a very hard time with that. I feel like I’m going to just not date or get close to anybody for a very long time because I’m too scared to disclose and after the pain and depression I’ve gone through I would never want to pass this to another person and I’m so scared that even if I do disclose and my partner is okay with it I’ll spread it to him. I know I’m overreacting but I just feel like my life is over, I know it’s not that big of a deal and it’s super common but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I’m just so scared nobody will ever love me and I’ll be exposed. I guess I’m basically just venting here and asking for support and advice on how to tell the man who gave it to me. 

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If I were you, I would be up front because you need the closure. Ask him if he’s ever had been tested for herpes because after you guys hooked up something happened and you think he gave it to you. Explain that herpes isn’t on standard std tests so it’s likely he’s never been tested. Also many people who have it and are asymptomatic & doctors don’t test unless people show symptoms. 
 

im 23 girl and I know it’s really scary but you can’t keep yourself wondering! Your guy might deny it or say he’s never been tested but at least you got some kind of an answer from him. It took me a year to talk to the guy i think gave me my herpes & even tho he denied having it himself, it was a relief for me to tell him what I've been going through & how I felt abt him / the situation. 

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Hi there! Please know that I have gone through all of these same feelings, and that you're not alone. I can also tell you that as time goes on, you will slowly but surely start to feel like yourself again! And you cannot blame yourself for this - it takes two to tango! Also, try not to let the stereotypes of promiscuity and STDs get into your head too much. This diagnosis isn't a punishment for having multiple partners, it can happen to anyone! One of my friends got it from her first high school boyfriend as a teenager. She's now happily with her current boyfriend of many years, and has had a very typical dating life! Once a bit of the emotion from your recent diagnosis settles down, I think you'll be able to see the world in a clearer light. But your feelings are totally normal, and know that I had them, too. Something that helped me was the cliche "focusing on yourself" - but seriously! I really focused on taking care of my health and fitness, spending time with my friends, and getting in touch with things in life that bring me joy. Then, one day, you're going to wake up and feel great about yourself and know your worth, and the diagnosis will seem like such a tiny part of your life. 

As for the conversation with your potential giver - I know this may sound hard, but really try not to dwell on it too much. The frustrating reality is that you may never 100% know! If you have a good idea that it was him, it's worth a conversation, but don't go into it expecting it will magically make things better. When I told the guy who gave it to me, I thought the conversation would take away some of the feelings of anger I had. I'm glad I spoke to him about it, but it didn't really give me any closure. The reality is that your life has been set on a slightly different path, and it's up to you now how to take the steps to heal. If he's supportive and receptive to the news, great! If he's not, don't let that change anything for you. Keep your chin up, and keep moving forward one day at a time. And know that you 100% will find happy normal relationships again! An HSV diagnosis is just a stupid stigmatized skin rash at the end of the day. Unfortunately man men have far worse issues 🙄. That being said, you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised at how kind people can be!

I remember crying on the examination table at the doctor's and literally saying "my life is over" when I was diagnosed. Please take it from me - I was SO wrong. Sending you hugs! xo

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Hi there,

I agree with everything they said above. I got diagnosed at age 22 and had the exact feelings you do. I did confront the person who gave it to me and it was anything but comforting. He said he never had it and since he showed no symptoms ever, he basically said it wasn't him to gave it to me. Even though my blood test showed no signs and I had a full outbreak which meant new exposure. I had only been with him for months so it was pretty clear who gave it to me. Knowing and telling him truly did not change anything for me. I still had had HSV2 and nothing was going to change that. I felt like I was going to be alone forever and nobody would ever love me. Little did I know that within 6 months of being diagnosed I would meet the man of my dreams. It was terrifying disclosing but my first disclosure went more than well. He told me he loved me even more after disclosing because it showed my true colors. It showed that I wanted to protect him and let him make his own decisions even if that meant me being alone and sad. I am now engaged and never been happier in my life.

 

I promise things will start to get better! Your life is NOT over. You are worthy and you are loved. You will get through this. If you need anything please feel free to message me. 

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