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I’m so over disclosing I give up on ever finding some one 😢😢


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Last time I wrote on here was in the summer. I had a summer fling that recently just ended. It ended with us never being in a relationship .  He lied about everything I ended up finding out that he had a girlfriend and she was pregnant. My heart was broken. I loved him.  He lied about everything but the truth came out. So I get over him , well I tried too.  It was so hard it still is . He never judged me he would never talk about the herpes thing. Once I found out about the other girl he told me that if she wasn’t pregnant he would be with me and he didn’t care about herpes. I wanted to believe him so bad. But we had to end it I couldn’t trust him.......So I met another guy. I try my hardest not to get close to guys but this guy was making it so hard for me. I felt like he adored me. He was just so into me. And I was loving it I was also a bit scared because of my situation. The crazy part is he 10 years younger than me. That scared me but he assured me that he was very interested in me.  I wanted to wait before I told him but he was the type of person they wanted too ow everything upfront. So one day I wrote him a very long text. And to my surprise he took it very well. He told me by tell me one on my biggest secrets it made him want me more. And he wanted to get to know me more now. He told me that he wanted to take it to the next level with me if I would allow him too. I was kinda scared but I was so excited and confused all in one. He invited  me over to his home the next day. We had sex with condoms of course. He was all on me he couldn’t take his hands off me. Two days later I spend the night we talked about us and having a future. We had sex he held me all night I was kinda uncomfortable but it was ok I was in his arms. The next morning we woke up  talked , cuddled. I had to go home I had to work later that evening. We hugged and said our goodbyes  And that was the last time  I heard from him. That was 10 days ago. We’re friends on social media so I know he’s alive. I don’t get it what was the point of all that. I’m so sick of this I swear. No guy will ever love me for me no matter how hard they try. They will always see they I have herpes. I’m not worth the risk. They won’t even kiss me. I haven’t had a kiss in so long. They two guys I dealt love to kiss and have oral sex. They might feel like I’m useless and why be with some when I can’t have sex the way they want. So many thoughts go through my head. I tried to look on dating sites for people with herpes but it’s hard. I’m a very attractive woman. So many guys like me but they don’t know and I refuse to get close to and one and I have to tell them and get my heart broken again. And I’m definitely not messing with any one with out they knowing. So I’m just stuck HELP! I don’t want to give up but I have no choice. This is so hard. Why can’t true love just find me please. I just want to be happy and make someone else happy. I would love to meet someone with the same thing. We would appreciate each other more hopefully. 

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You said you haven’t kissed or did oral but you’re having sex?

do you have ohsv1? 80% of people have it so It’s no big deal and dating should be completely fine. Sadly tho a bunch of people don’t even realize they’re carriers of the virus so they might be deterred from dating someone who knows their status. 
 

 

 

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@Missmissy Yes I’m having sex. I have HSV2 . I only did the swab not the blood test. I always felt kissing and oral sex is more intimate just my opinion. But they both have had sex with me just not oral or they haven’t kissed me in the mouth. Idk it’s just weird to mess with me and nothing come of it. If the situation was reversed I would make sure I see some type of future with this person first or maybe that’s just what I wanted. The last one  really acted like he wanted to be with me. He kept thanking me for telling him and he said he trusted me and that made him want me more because being truthful meant a lot to him.  I’m done after all that tho  I’m go keep focusing on my children and making money. When I wrote that last night I was kinda sleepy but I had a lot on my mind at the moment. Sorry for the long rant.

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A lot of people will say I am a bitch for saying this but i am over being positive and searching for love. Kudos to people who found love with HSV. Some of us will never be thay lucky. The truth is even women who are beautiful and STD free cant find Love. My advice may be harsh and cruel to some but this is my opinion... I stopped having an OCD about herpes. I take my meds and i take my vitamins and practice safe sex but i dont disclose anymore. 1- 6 people have this damn virus that just cause stupid bumps and rash like eczema and acne and other skin disease. Kmt. Its just the stigma attached that makes it looks awful. Tired of playing good emotional soft women disclosing and breaking my heart when i disclose. I am going out there practicing safe sex with condom and i told them half truth that i was a victim of rape and i know i dont have hiv but there might be others so safe sex please. When U disclose, some men expose you... damage ur reputation and make yoh look like R.Kelly. I was a virgin when i contracted this from a predator and i dont think i should let stigmatization hold me back.

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I am reading so much hurt in these comments. I can empathise, but please know even if you don't have herpese, heart ache happens.

It took me a long time to find my guy. Lots of disclosing and rejection. 

Theres nothing wrong with being single, but dont do it out of fear of rejection. 

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  • 8 months later...

I have been HSV positive for 20 years. Married and divorced and back in the dating game I disclosed to everyone and also got really sick of "the talk" and the rejection.  I agree that so many people have it and don't even know. It's a skin condition that is more stigmatized than HIV.  I made a decision to stop disclosing and then I met someone with whom I have been for seven years. He has no idea that I have this.  I have had outbreaks here and there and take medication and abstain from sexual contact during these times, but I know he could still contract it. Or, perhaps he already does and has no idea.  I have justified my non disclosure based on the fact that I have never passed this on to anyone that I am aware of. I have two healthy children to whom I gave birth naturally and I did not take anti-retrovirals during their deliveries. Now, after marrying again, I feel I should tell him the truth. I just have no idea how he is going to take the news that I have lied to him for seven years and possibly put his health at risk all of this time.  Should I do this? I honestly cannot decide.  I risk losing everything all over again and am not sure I can do it. The other option is to keep lying and if something happens I can just say I had no idea that I had this. Or, that since he is an HSV1 carrier (I have seen an outbreak on his face. I do not have oral herpes-thank God!), I can say that maybe he gave it to me.  What should I do!

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