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Kacey

Herpes break out on forehead?

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So recently I decided to take my medications and eat healthy and date for fun. I have both HSV 1 abd HSV 2 and I am recovering from a narcissistic relationship where I was raped by my ex predator who took my virginity. He was a very cruel guy. Anyway, I was dating for fun just to boost ego and still feel pretty and atttactive without any plans to have sexual intercourse with anyone. I have met a friend who practices celibacy and decided to do the same. If celibacy didn't work for me , i had plan to invest in sex toys and please my damn self and love myself. One the guys i dated was so kind , so loving so understanding of my trauma story except i didnt tell him I had dire consequences. I experienced two tramautic situation whivh lead me to have a brief psychosis and almost lost my mind due to the traumas. So we are having a really good relationship but no sex. I kept putting sex off because i wanted to disclose but didnt know how. In my culture, HSV 1 orally is very normal. No big deal but when its genital its a big thing....One day he invited me over and I was going to disclose until he turned me on and we started kissing. I had no sores to my knowledge. Havent had outbreak since first and thats almost 2 years ago and now i feel i might be asymptomatic. We tried sex but i couldnt lubricate enought because i was traumatised from rape plus i feel like its deceptful not diclosing and so sex was very painful. Anyway he started kissing me all over. In prior discussions, we said to each other that we dont like oral sex and that ots against out beliefs.... so i didnt expect him to kiss me and then surprisingly kiss my clit and it felt so good since it was me first . He didnt even ask he surprised me... so even though i wasnt into oral sex i had to do it back. PENETRATION WAS WITH CONDOMN. Weeks past and i felt good that yes my virus was dormant until 3 weeks in he had a terrible rash all over his forehead with pus and i am wondering if it is the herpes. I am going to let us both get tested because i thought i was careful but if its its hsv i will never forgive myself.

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Hi Kacey,

I am sorry to hear about your traumatic past. I know becoming intimate with someone after that can cause all types of emotions. Then to find someone you vibe with, must have put you at ease.

I am so happy you found a guy that you felt comfortable enough with to try & be intimate again. H can cause us to stop living especially when all you think about is having it.

 

After not experiencing outbreaks, I can understand your thoughts. You thought all was well when you engaged in a little foreplay. I would not beat yourself up just yet.
 

I would get the rash swabbed, if possible, to see if it is herpes and to find out the type of it if it is herpes. This would inform you and help put you at ease. I know everyone likes to spat facts as if they’re a walking herpes almanac. Most people who reply are going to say after having it for a while that you can autoinoculate yourself because your body has built up a sense of immunity. However, I disagree. 
 

The rash may be acne (positive thoughts). 
 

I am not encouraging nondisclosure; I am saying make sure that you are sure that your symptoms are herpetic before you beat yourself up. And if your symptoms are herpetic, give yourself a break. You didn’t wake up with thoughts of being deceitful. Things happened, you felt wanted, & acts occurred.
 

If you feel the need to have him tested, do it. I’ve been where the guilt of engaging in a simple act makes you so worried it consumes you. For peace of mind, do what is best for you.

Because I experience extreme levels of anxiety, my peace comes from disclosing early on so my anxiety stays at a healthy level. 
 

Hugs & best wishes. 
 

 

 

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