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How to tell my boyfriend I have herpes..

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So I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 4 months now. I sill have not disclosed my H+ status to him. He is so wonderful, and we talk openly about so many other things, but the idea of disclosing absolutely terrifies me. I have never been in a serious relationship before, so there has been a lot of new things for me since the beginning of our relationship, but this definitely takes precedence. We have told each other 'I love you', and I care very deeply for him. I know he cares very deeply for me, too and I like to think he wold be very accepting of my status, but I just don't know and it scares me. Love itself is a very scary feeling, and it almost feels like I am so scared to disclose to him because that is my final wall coming down. I have NEVER let anyone in the way I have let him in. This conversation is starting to feel like it's holding me back though, or like it might end up driving a wedge between us. Other than my parents and my doctor, he would be the first person to know about my herpes, so this is a very big step for me, and I just want to make sure I do it all right. I tried talking to a counselor about figuring out how to get over the mental block of disclosing, but that didn't really work out. If anyone has a successful disclosing story PLEASE send some advice my way!! I have read every website and article I could find about disclosing and other people's SO reactions to their status, and some people have even said that their doctors have told them to wait until they decide they want to marry someone to disclose their status! I don't think I want to wait that long, but I just don't know when the right time is. Whenever we first started dating I felt so guilty every single day because I felt like I needed to tell him immediately, but those feelings have since subsided. I know I need to tell him, but I am just scared. For someone who has never been in-love before, saying 'I love you' was a hell of a lot easier than disclosing is for me, and I kinda hate that. People see movies about disclosing their feelings, etc. etc. all the time, but there's no movie that tells you how to tell someone you love that you have herpes.

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Hey there,

I know how you feel this was me a little over a year ago. I disclosed to my boyfriend around this time. The good news is, if he truly loves you it will not matter. My disclosure story was the best possible outcome. I told him all the facts I knew. I told him I wanted to protect him and I loved him. I then went on to say that he needs to decide if being with me is the best option for him. I said that I understand this is a huge decision and if he needs time I get it. It was hard to not be emotional. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. but he asked a few questions about having kids and the pain. Then literally said "I did not think it was possible to love you more. I am glad you told me but its nothing to be upset over. A little bump in the road is not going to keep me from you". the joke was a nice touch since I was very emotion lol. But he tells me now that he fell even in more love for me in that moment but it was then that I showed his health and life was more important than my own happiness. Disclosing is the most selfless thing we can do and some people out there see that as pure and rare. I hope your boyfriend sees these qualities in you. Message me if you need anything!

 

Also! its been 1.5 years since I disclosed and I am happier than ever and ENGAGED! there are love stories out there. He also is still negative for everything. It's truly is possible to keep our loved ones safe. I hardly ever think about having HSV now. I hope this helps!

 

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@nobody555 how did you disclose? What did you say? I’m so worried that I will never find love. I just feel so damage and scared to let anyone in bc they might reject me 

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@Jenn88You can go to page to find the whole disclosure story if you want. but I just told him about my test results and the facts of the virus like transmission rates etc. Told him I wanted to protect him and he needed to decide what's best for him even if that means I wont be in his life anymore. Then I let him ask all sort of questions.

 

I was super worried as well. I thought that the guy I loved most would leave me and I accepted that maybe I would be heart broken but I knew it was the right thing to do. At the end of the day I cared more about protecting him than getting rejected and hurt.

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I told my SO right away in our relationship because for me, that was the right time. Of course, we were also about to have sex and I needed to tell him before that happened. It was not an option not to tell him.

I was TERRIFIED. I had played the scenario in my head so many times with so many different endings. In some of my imagined scenarios, he freaked out and broke up with me. In others, he was accepting. In all of them, I explained to him that I was asymptomatic, yadda, yadda...had this entire script in my head of what I would tell him.

In reality, it went like this: 

Me: I need to tell you something before we go any further
Him: What is it? You didn't use to be a dude, right?
Me: No. I've always been a girl. (way for him to add some levity and to break the tension, though!)
Him: Okay, so what is it?
Me: *blurts out that I have HSV but that I have never had an outbreak that I'm aware of, I only know about it because of a recent blood test*
Him (interrupts me): You said HSV, not HIV, right?
Me: Yes. HSV. 
Him: Oh, so it's just Herpes. Is that all?
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay, that's nothing. Can we continue?

And that was IT. 

We have been together for over a year, he is still negative, and things are going great. We never talk about Herpes. It has no importance in our lives. He knows, he doesn't care about it one bit, and he loves me. 

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