Self reflection

[Riseandfall]

Hey 

Just wondered if anyone else has struggled with looking back at the past, over analysing, doing lots of self reflection since their diagnosis? I was diagnosed 2 years ago but still struggle with this. I've never had casual sex, but I've definitely fallen for people quickly and let them in, believing they wanted something serious or more, only to realise they weren't in it for the long haul. I've spent a lot of time alone, a lot of plans haven't worked out and I realise now that I definitely sought comfort and companionship in a relationship.

 

I never looked back and analysed things until my diagnosis. I know in some ways it's a positive because having to do that made me realise that I'd not valued myself enough before...and now I will. On some occasions I should have set boundaries or been more careful, or even stood a bit firmer. I feel more able to do that now. But, the process of reflection, self criticism, assessment, guilt regret etc is zapping away all my energy now. I feel like it's gone beyond a healthy reassessment and now I sometimes just feel like I dont deserve to be happy and that this diagnosis is some kind of punishment for falling too easily, for being too trusting and too naive on occasion. (Side note..I got this from a guy who was really pushy with me. We didnt have sex because I said I didn't want to repeatedly but he forced my head back told me to relax and went down on me for a matter of seconds before I pushed him away. I struggle with this memory a lot) I guess I just want to forget my mistakes and move on but this just feels like a constant reminder that comes back to haunt me when I get low. I constantly look back wishing I could change the past but it weighs heavy and I know I cant go on like it.

 

Not sure what I'm hoping for. Just needed to explain how I feel because I cant talk to anyone about this. Wonder if anyone feels or has felt similarly? 

[Lunar0]

Hi there, 

I totally understand how you're feeling - if you want to, feel free to message me! Happy to chat. 

[Riseandfall]

Thank you. I would like that but I dont know how to message. Could you let me know how to do it?

[HopefulHerpy]

Click the three lines above within the blue runner. Click the double message (speech bubble) icon. Click compose new message. Type in the username of the individual with whom you’d like to connect and then compose your message. 

[Lunar0]

7 hours ago, Riseandfall said:

Thank you. I would like that but I dont know how to message. Could you let me know how to do it?

Hi! I tried to compose a new message to you but it says you can't receive messages 😞 maybe something in your settings? But anyway - I'm here! 

[Riseandfall]

Yes I cant see how to do it at all! No 3 lines coming up! Will check my settings!! Not having much luck at the moment!!

[Riseandfall]

Does it work now?

[Lunar0]

7 minutes ago, Riseandfall said:

Does it work now?

No 😞 still says you can't receive messages 

[Riseandfall]

I wonder why! Cant see any way to change it! I'll keep trying..in the meantime its nice to hear that I'm not alone in how I've been feeling. Let's hope time heals xx