Jump to content
  • Need support? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum, a supportive and positive group of people to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have ... 
     

Sign in to follow this  
glassovy

Boyfriend still gets nervous about intercourse... am I being reasonable or ridiculous?

Recommended Posts

I have to ask, because I genuinely would like to know how y’all think about that scenario.

Dating someone, who I have an amazing connection with, that I love, who knows what I come with. Obviously he accepted it because we’re dating, but can I be upset that he still gets nervous about intercourse?

I was diagnosed with GHSV1 in 2013, and haven’t experienced symptoms since... My boyfriend will gladly have unprotected sex with me, but still gets uncomfortable with going down on me as he feels that’s more of a risk than intercourse. To each their own, cause he has done his research and has come to some sort of peace with it in order to have a relationship with me at all, but am I being ridiculous in the fact that I feel like this is almost a conditional part of our relationship? 
He’s expressed before his feelings of being nervous, and I don’t want to blame him, but I almost want to. How can you accept parts of it, and not others?

any thoughts would be helpful!

xo

Share this post


Link to post

Hey @glassovy! Great question. Here's a bit of a mindfuck of this whole thing ... When you aren't having an outbreak, him going down on you with genital HSV-1 would carry the same risk of getting oral herpes (oral HSV-1) as if he were to kiss/make out with someone who has a history of cold sores (which is the vast majority of the world). 

Here's an article to check out on that:
https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
35 minutes ago, mr_hopp said:

Hey @glassovy! Great question. Here's a bit of a mindfuck of this whole thing ... When you aren't having an outbreak, him going down on you with genital HSV-1 would carry the same risk of getting oral herpes (oral HSV-1) as if he were to kiss/make out with someone who has a history of cold sores (which is the vast majority of the world). 

Here's an article to check out on that:
https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex


thank you for your response @mr_hopp!! 
and the information.

i totally get it, so I’m wondering am I just being a little mean when I say why is it fair that he’ll be okay to have sex with me but not go down on me?

i honestly am lucky cause I could care less about it, so it’s not a big deal, but I’m my mind it’s like either you accept it or you don’t, I don’t feel like there’s really any gray areas with this stuff. Can you offer your thoughts? Thank you

xo

Share this post


Link to post

My pleasure! And hey, it's not really my place to tell you or him how to feel or think. I just want him to understand the facts before he goes off and doesn't give his girlfriend head based on not-so-good data. 😉 

To each their own as far as what risk level they're comfortable with, and if he understands the facts and still wants to play it super safe on the cold sores front and not go down on you, then it's up to you on whether that's something you can live with or not.

After all, relationship is a negotiation, an ongoing dance of finding common ground between what can be two very different worlds. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • FREE E-BOOK + HANDOUTS

    How can having "the talk" actually create MORE intimacy & connection?

    Download your free e-book + handouts now

    In support,
    Adrial

  • PRIVATE COACHING

    Ready for one-on-one coaching support?

    If you're ready to transform your shame into resiliency (and you're ready to do the work), I can help. Find more information about coaching here: http://adriallifecoaching.com

    In support,
    Adrial

×
×
  • Create New...