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Need to get my sexy back from herpes

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Hey! Welcome! Here's to you getting your sexy back! ;) Before we can help you do that, can you share a bit more about yourself so we can have some background and get to know you?

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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I am a female, 34 years old.. I live an hour from the big apple... Discovered that I had herpes 2, after the fact that I was sexually assaulted... It's been pretty hard to come to both realizations... I went to doctor after doctor telling them I thought I had it.. No help there... I was shocked that people are discouraged to actually get tested.. So I went on my way.. Decided I wasn't going to except it.. Got tested n it came back positive for hsv2... I've been dealing with this on such a wrong level...

Feeling unwanted n "damaged" is the word I have used.. I've had two outbreaks since.. N as much as I am trying to not let this disease become me instead of part of me.. It's very hard... I have resently told someone I have strong feelings for...

N believe it or not he understands... But in my heart I know I just entered the friend zone... Very scared that now no one will except me.. N am alone n scared...

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I haven't really had any help with it at all... Looking for ways to not be able to give it to anyone...

Like I said I've had a few outbreaks n it's definitely not as bad as the first... But don't even know how to cope with this... Could use some advice n some help... Like I said I need my sexy back :0( lol

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I feel the same exact way. I completely understand you. Its sad really. From loving yourself, and living a healthy normal life to being defined as a disease by society. But then again if we think about it we are the same people! We are beautiful, sexy, good people, lovable people...we just so happen to have a skin disease that we are strong enough to handel if we dont allow it to bring us down!

I am 20 years old and I got diagnosed 2 days ago and right away I felt like a virus and not a woman. All myself confidence that I had got flushed down the toilet. Im not going to allow this to bring me down and I hope you dont either. If you need anything im here for you just inbox me:)

Your not alone!

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I understand how u feel exactly... I can't tell you how this site has helped me tremomdously, for many reasons... Supportive people,

Who care, the information so we can continue to love and he healthy.. But at times it is very hard to understand n scared to let anyone in on what we now have.. I say the same thing as I'm not going to let it become me..

But as much as I say it I need to believe it... I truly believe that time heals everything n I understand feeling alone.. U can always contact me when ever u want.. I'm here for you... Be strong n love urself <3

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Yes, feeling like damaged goods is how I felt too. This will get better. I didn't think so at the time- but it does. And, you get to know yourself better, and with that comes a really awesome strength. This site was phenomenal in helping me, along with devouring information where I could. Education for you first- then you can educate others on making informed decisions. I am here for you. Full circle will come.

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Thank you so much for ur reply.. This site has been wonderful for me. It's helped me deal with so many issues not just my knew found friend.. lol I really need to educate myself so that I don't give this to the person I care about... I'd really appreciate any advice or information you might have.. N thank you uve lifted some spirits today for me.. N I am also here for you too, no matter what the reason... Support goes along way in everything... I'm a great listener...:0)

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Let yourself grieve and be angry. You have to let it out, before you can let in the healing phase. You will still be you- but better. You will understand this down the road :). Educating yourself so that you know what you're dealing with (it's not a death sentence), which greatly helps you sharing this with people down the road. Do I wish I didn't have this? Absolutely. But I do. And once I came to accept this 'lifechange', and educate myself it really helped me to move on. And, I no longer cry at disclosures.( Not that I have had a lot ;). )

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Thank you... I have cried a lot... N even though everyday I worry about what I have, I am excepting it... I am ok with it now.. I just feel I will be alone forever... N maybe I should now... I just feel hurt now... Like damaged... Like I will never find someone who will except this... So I guess at some point I hope it goes away.. N in future really understand so I don't hurt anyone with my skin condition..:0( thank u for talking to me... Sometimes u feel alone in this big world.... I'm glad I have someone who understands<3

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You sound like me awhile back. Like months back. It is different in that we now have to disclose. Because we are honest and don't wish to 'hurt' others. When I disclose I tell people I was unfortunately gifted with herpes. Unfortunately it is not the one accepted by society. But it is not a death sentence. I give the stats (which I gleaned from this site for the most part- I actually carried it folded up in my bag in the beginning). I tell them I don't want to do what was done to me ( gifted that is), that I want them to make an informed decision. I cried the first couple of times. I have only had 2 walk away. Another 2 I didn't want to continue a relationship with. And, I am now getting to know another- I quite like him. He said what a shitty deal- but it was ok. I will just let him know if I am having an outbreak. I chose to go on suppressive therapy as that further cuts back the risk of passing it on. However, there is always a risk. It takes a special person to accept the risk- and I deserve a special person, as do you. Have you told any family members or friends? Funny thing, once I told my sister and her significant other and my 16 year old daughter about it- the healing really started. It was like I wasn't any longer hiding a dirty little secret, and I no longer FELT dirty and or damaged.

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I have told my mom who all along was telling me it wasn't it..

N my sister who is very supportive... I have a guy friend who've I also told recently...

N he told me he dated someone for years with it n never got it which was a relief n has been really helpful... As much as I've excepted it.. I am truly scared to give it to someone.. I've always been ok with carrying Around my emotional baggage..

N now I have something else following me.. I cried for days over this n having this guy friend except it was a relief. N as much as it felt good I know he doesn't want it..

As no one really does... I feel like I've been given h for a reason, to really be able to build a relationship n be trusting.. With one another but when that happens I want to be able to be smart about not being able to transmit it to this person.. N it scares the living day lights out of me... I don't get many ob, n I am not on anything n my first initial ob was in February of 13...

I am really not good with taking medicine, n my body has never reacted to well on it.. So if I don't have to I don't want to... Which leads me to think I'm about to embrace a sexless life:0( god that sounds awful..


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I'm happy that uve found someone u like... N as much as we get upset it's all for good reason... N he's it is. Shitty deal.. I wish people were out there As honest as we r.. I truly believe in letting it be their choice.. N having someone who is willing to risk, is truly an amazing person... That's why I am so scared.. I never want to be to blame for that... Guess that's why I am having such a hard time with it... But all smiles for you!!! U help me see hope in All this :0)

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I hear you. If going on suppressive therapy is something you don't want, try L-Lysine. Look it up online for info. And, avoid peanut butter.

I don't want to pass it on either. But I have learned to believe someone if they make their decision knowing the facts.

And your mom- she was just trying to be reassuring. Give her that. No one likes to see their 'baby' hurting.

And if you don't have baggage- you haven't lived. It's all in how we deal with it.

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I understand she was trying to be a great mom... lol n love her for that... I'm just confused on the whole suppressive therapy stuff.... If I don't have painful outbreaks,

Or a lot of them, does it really seem necessary... The only benefit it would give me is to make it less likely to pass it on...

Is there any other way? I know when I have outbreaks coming it's the shedding that scares me..:0( I seem so helpless in being able to be intamate with this... Totally depressed at the fact:0( thank u so much for all the support and advice.... It's nice to have someone to vent n talk to:0)

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Lamme, getting depressed over something you don't know yet is creating depression now over something that probably won't be the big deal you're making it now. Trust me on this. Give yourself a break. Give yourself some compassion. 99% of the worries I had about herpes for the first few YEARS (yes, years) turned out not being problems at all! In other words, I spent years worrying when I could have been happy instead. Your life is happening moment by moment right now. How are you choosing to feel? That is one of the main reasons I created the H Opportunity, so none of us have to waste our precious lives worrying. Yes, get educated on how to protect future partners, but worrying does you no good; being paranoid does no good. Worrying and paranoia tend to ironically bring you a self-fulfilling prophecy, brilliantly creating exactly what you're worrying/paranoid about since you've been putting so much creative energy towards it.


As to specifics about your question on suppressive therapy, read this article for more on that:



"Worrying won't stop the bad stuff from happening. It just stops you from enjoying the good. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength."

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Thank you adrial, it's so hard to not worry.. I've always been the type to worry about things ahead.. N everyone always say deal with today because today is upon us.. And as much as I get it n I start to do that, I worry about finding someone who will except me...

Suppressive therapy is great when ur ok with taking medication.. Me not so much.. I want to protect the person I decide to be with but there's no guarantee it will n it scares me that if by chance I do, I have to live with that... I'd feel probably worse then keeping myself abstinent... See I can't help but worry.. It just must be because I'm trying to process all of this... N on top of it.. Seen my doctor n he had no advice on wether I should take medication or not.. So no help there... I realize I am creating my own issues here.. N putting myself in a bad place.. I am ok with what I have n will need to love me m understand me now a lil differently n hopefully everything else will fall into place... N I love the last part u wrote.. If I tell myself that, I think in my tomorrow's it'll be alil brighter... Thank u adrial...

I will try to go alil easy on myself <3

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You should go more easy on yourself :)


When you disclose and you have a reaction of "okay...I still want to see you so what now?" All you can do is arm them with knowledge and get yourself on some antivirals. If the two of you decide that bedroom activities are gonna happen...it takes two to tango!!!!


I would LOVE some input from someone who acquired HSV from someone while they were knowingly in a relationship with someone HSV positive. How do you cope? Is it easier?


I deviate from what I was saying here because I didn't know. I didn't have a choice. And that's part of why I believe I had such a hard time accepting everything and why I take transmitting so seriously. I was blindly thrown into a social stigma I didn't know how to deal with...I was alone. My friends that did know weren't a lot of help because they couldn't even begin to fathom how I felt. Their support helped more than I will ever be able to thank them for but a herpes buddy would've been soooooooo helpful during my initial OB. I feel like if you can be with someone and know the risk...if you pick up the virus while it's still going to be a rough time...you knew going in that this was a risk and you have someone there who loves you to help Gide you out of that dismal herpes pit of stigma and self loathing.


Ok back to my tango pun! Yes! If someone wants to have sex with you known the transmission rates then anything after that isn't your fault so long as you know your body and say no when you feel symptoms. Trust is a big thing and if you trust them enough to disclose and they trust you enough to stay then you need to be open if you are worried about having an outbreak or symptoms or anything. Keeping that communication open will help strengthen your relationship as well as keep your partner safe. And if you do all that and still transmit....you can't be held accountable for your herpes sending its ninja assassins out to play with your partners unmentionables...IT JUST WANTS TO MAKE ALL THE FRIENDS OMG CAPS LOCK.



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Thank you so much for your advice n support.. I can tell you this, I didn't have a choice either.. Unfortunately I didn't even have the choice to have sex if u catch my drift... As much as I went thru the pain of being assaulted I had to reap the aftermath of this d*rtb*g also.. It was hard to handle n I realize this is ultimately the worst it's been for me.. But by the grace of god I have found supportive people on this site that actually sometimes makes me feel we r one Ina million type people.. We r strong because we take the time to learn our bodies more carefully to protect the ones we love.. N we disclose which is such a strong characteristic to have.. Cause as we know people are out there passing it with no intentions of keeping people safe...


So as to keeping my partner safe, which btw I don't have one yet.. I think in my head I'm still going to worry.. I've kinda got a lead on when I do get outbreaks which is a few here n there... N when I do be come intimate I guess antiviral n protection is gonna be the only safe way to go.. Not that I wanna use medication.. I wonder the longer u go with the virus, is it harder to pass it???? I guess I'll hAve to review my options when I believe I am ready..lord knows when someone will actually wannA risk it.. See there's the worry again.. Keep saying what adrial says... Worry empties tomorrow's strength!!!! :0) I truly believe there's gotta be people out there that love someone more than this virus....

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Disclosing is what we all seem to worry the most about...and for good reason! I've realized that when I disclose to someone I am becoming super vulnerable...I'm going to let them in to a part of my life that I keep secret from the majority of people in my life and to trust someone like that...it's tough! I started first by disclosing to my closest friends and then my mom...and the more I disclosed the easier it got. I actually realized that when it comes to my friends...we've been through so much together throughout the years that there was no way they would ever turn their back on me and when they reaffirmed that thought by accepting me it was a weight off.


Once I had my support system in place with my best pals by my side disclosing to people I wished to be intimate with became scary but manageable instead of terrifying and impossible. I was able to go on a date and then talk to my friends "oh my goodness this guy is so cute and nice and wants to hang out again" and then "okay...so...I think I really like this guy and I don't know what to do!!!!" And they sit there and do what we always do in girl time...talk it out! They tell me if they think it's a good idea to disclose or to wait or to plain walk away. Now what I do isn't for everyone but it's what I've found to work for me and I'm thankful to have my support system in place.

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