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Girlfriend dumped me because I have herpes.

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I was diagnosed with hsv2 around 3 years ago. At the time I was with my ex and she didn't know she has it. Still denied she had it after I started having symptoms. She never had symptoms she never went to get tested. I bared with her for 3 years and finally broke up. 

I was single for about a year and finally decided to start dating. unfortunately I'm the type that has symptoms and get them often. Lucky me.

So I met this lovely girl. We connected so well. She didn't want to have sex right away so it was easy to drag it along. 

We fell in love and talked everyday. I mean this girl was really in to me. Her eyes would glow every time.  

After 3 months things would get beyond kissing and she started wanting sex. 

About 4 month I decided to tell her and her reaction was heart breaking for me. It was like she broke into a million pieces. Her attitude completely change instantly. She hardly wanted to kiss me. She called me the next day crying balls telling me I'm special and how i deserve the best and all. She hung up and that was it. Finished not a text or anything. I was shocked by her reaction.

This experience has ruined me in many ways.  How many of these heartbreaks and aches I have to go through. 

At times i feel like it's a blessing because. I mean this thing is putting the vow "in sickness and in health" to the test.

Again the negative voice in my head tells me that I really have this condition and it's killing me inside and the symptoms are reminder every-time.  

Not sure if anyone has had the same experience as me, but I can use some advice.


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Hey lovelife2020,

The ex who gave me herpes also denied it and refused to get tested. I stayed with him for 10 months after I was diagnosed (even though I knew he was not right for me) because I thought I was ruined and no one would love me. Finally, I decided that being alone was better than being with him. I am proud of you for ending things with your ex. Something I look for in a partner (or actually, expect in a partner) is the ability to own up to - what ever it might be. Which is part of being a mature adult.

It took me a long time to accept myself. Lots of trial and error. Many rejections. Many understanding people too.

Another public figure for herpes (other than Adrial) is Ella Dawson. I recently came across her website again. She has a great TedX talk. I recommend it.

Something she talks about in one of her blogs, and something my therapist has helped me understand is:

'Know you deserve a "yes", and do not take a "no" personally.'

At the end of the day love, it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. 

Now, a big thing, is to never disclose until You Are Ready (and before sex, obvs.). But something that seems to help my heart a bit, is disclosing before the big feels show up. My rule of thumb is if I am going on a third date with the person, it is probably time to disclose. In case they aren't okay with it, we can both walk away and our hearts weren't too attached. 

Doesn't matter how much someone likes you, if they aren't open, aren't willing to learn, aren't comfortable with the idea of dating someone with herpes, or another transmittable infection, long term illness, etc etc., it won't matter how amazing you are... They can't accept it. And we don't hold that against them. Hell, before I was diagnosed, I don't know if I would have been able to keep dating someone who disclosed to me either. 

I used to think "they aren't worth it anyways", and in a way it's true, but I don't like how accusatory it is. We hope/expect not to be judged for this part of us, and we shouldn't judge others for having a boundary and sticking to it. 

A few pages on instagram that I follow that might help you are




You mentioned you get symptoms often. This may not be accessible to you, but if it is, you should talk to your doctor about suppressive therapy. 

I hope you can get something out of my response. Please know it gets better, and even if it isn't because of herpes, our hearts will get hurt. Don't let the pain of this one experience stop you from living an amazing, happy, and full of love life. 

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