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Disclosed herpes diagnosis to my boyfriend

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I found out I have herpes about a week ago, have been dealing with my first OB & coming to terms with my diagnosis. I've always been tested, had protected sex & havent had any intimate relationship in over a year (my last test showed I was clean). I am sure I recieved herpes from unprotected sex with my current boyfriend. When I talked to my boyfriend on ths phone today about testing positive & getting prescribed aclyclovir he was in complete denial he gave ne herpes. He just kept saying he was clean, he doesnt know how I wouldve gotten herpes, etc. Needless to say it started an argunment and I am beyond hurt how someone who says they love me wont take responsibility. I dont know what to think or say, I am beyond heartbroken and feel so disgusting...

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Hi aiko,


I'm sorry you feel heartbroken and disgusting. Know that you are NOT disgusting. You only feel that way because you believe you are. I'm here to tell you you don't have to believe this about yourself. You don't deserve to treat yourself that way — no name-calling allowed! :)


Here's an article on the power of the words you use:



And about your boyfriend, denial can be remedied in an easy way. If he gets a blood test like the IgG or the Western Blot, then he can tell if he has herpes antibodies. And if you just had your first outbreak and he already has antibodies built up, then that probably means he's had herpes longer than you. If he's staunchly opposed to getting a blood test, then that's fishy to me. Here's info on that:


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Aiko, same thing happened to me. He refused, refused and refused to get tested and show me results. I go excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't go to the Dr's. Said he was clean anyways and it must of been someone else? I don't think so, like you I was always careful but who knows...it was very frustrating to say the least and to me seemed extremely fishy. I ended up cutting communication with him and dealt with what had happened. I hope your guy comes around for you, especially if he loves you. Maybe give him some time to process what's going on. But in the mean time, like Adrial said you are NOT disgusting!! Head up! :)

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Hmmm partners and their denial. The man that gave me the H gift took random doses of Valtrex but claimed that he did not have HSV 2. I decided to prove him wrong by dating him for 8 months and using my lady region as a petri dish. Problem solved. I believe he was indeed lying. I guess he was just really scared. I have a whole new respect for people who are in the know about their HSV 2 and choose to disclose that information. It takes a lot of courage to do so. I also have an understanding for people who are so fearful they live in denial or they just don't say anything. Everyone is doing the best they can. Including us. Keep your beautiful head up, hopefully he will come around. He is searching for the courage while fighting through the fear.

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FWNW, I get that you might feel like all men are like that based on your experience, but be careful with blanket statements like that ... Not only for the sake of all us guys who treat women with respect and heart, ;) but also for yourself — if you continue to say those kinds of things, you may just start believing them as Truth. And then that's all you see. And I don't want you to live in a world where all men damage. I want you to live in a world where you can fin someone to hold your heart.


Do you see how making that statement makes that more true than it actually deserves to be?

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Same thing happened to me. The man who gave me H claims he never had any synthoms and that he does not have it. I told him to get tested but he didnt. I also feel bad because it seems like I did something wrong or I am the guilty one. Felt left behind in the moment I needed support the most. I totally understand what you are saying. Had my days feeling dirty and worthless but now I'm making efforts to feel better.

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