It’s okay.

[greydaysandbrighternights]

So. I’ve had my struggles in the last 2 years or so. It really hasn’t been easy as many of you will already know. It’s been bloody hard at times and I hit my rock bottom for a good 18 months. 

I struggled with my diagnosis. I struggled to get my healthcare and mental struggle with it to be taken seriously by my GP etc. They still don’t understand the impact it’s had on my life. 

anyway, 2 years after diagnosis and a terrible depression, also vowing to stay single forever more ( I’m 43), I met a potential partner. Disclosure wasn’t an immediate issue as we were in lockdown due to Covid. We talked for months from a distance. All the while I had a distinct disappointment and disgust in myself for lying about my diagnosis. Albeit by omission. But eventually, the time came to face it. I travelled hundreds of miles feeling sick to my stomach at what could possibly unfold. I knew that at some point, I would have to be honest. It’s one of the most stressful things I’ve ever had to do and I felt completely vulnerable. And! I worried that the stress would bring on an a outbreak. 

I needn’t have worried. He disclosed his own oral hsv. And then went on to confess that he had unknowingly passed it on to an ex partner during oral sex. He was very remorseful and BRAVE. I seized the opportunity with both hands and disclosed. He was more concerned about my contracting his GHSV 1 than his contacting my GHSV 2. 
And so, as a result, my diagnosis has already lost a lot of its significance. And power over me. I’ll always be grateful to him for that. 

I will offer this as advice:

• If you can, and it’s right for you, please, please get on anti virals. I take acyclovir twice a day. For the first year and a half, without antivirals, I had an outbreak a month. It made me totally miserable and was a constant reminder. In the 5 months that I’ve been taking acyclovir, I’ve had not one outbreak. No prodromes. Nothing. They made me feel a little unwell for about 6 weeks admittedly, but this did pass and now I have no side effects at all. My body just needed time to adjust. I keep them in a vitamin bottle and nobody notices any different. Not even me any more. I forget I have the virus most days.  If you have many/ troublesome outbreaks, it really does make all the difference. And it gives me peace of mind that I’m doing all I can to protect my partner. There is always a possibility that you could transmit the virus but honestly, if you’re sensible and take the precautions, it’s a very small percentage. I will review the acyclovir in a year but stay on them indefinitely if needed. 
• secondly. I have been very fortunate with my partners reaction. I know that. It is our duty to disclose as decent, caring human beings and it’s so so scary. but it’s important to remember how very common this virus is. I know it’s little consolation, especially to those newly diagnosed but you can live with this in peace and acceptance, in time. Just give it time. You have the strength within you to move forward. I promise. Life does go on. 

To Adrial. Thank you. For your invaluable words of encouragement and your sympathy.  For giving me a safe haven on this site when I had nowhere else to turn, and for sharing your own experience and your willingness to help others and end the stigma. You’re wonderful and I appreciate you. 

[mr_hopp]

That's awesome, thank you for sharing your story and your heart.

In that moment when you saw that HSV isn't the one with the power here, it's automatically empowering to notice. Why? Because you can see so clearly that it's your own mindset, the perspective you choose to take that gives it all the power it *seems* to have. 

Enjoy your budding relationship! Sounds like a good one is blossoming here ... 🙂