Devastation. Fear. What now?

[Purpose]

I'm new to the forum and about 10 days into a positive IGg of 1.69 which I suppose is somewhat in the confirmatory test range.  

Problem is:  I'm symptomatic.  

Literally no idea who or when I picked this up.  I can think of 14 times I've had sex in the last 2+ years.  Not 14 partners, mind you.  14 times/encounters.  Condoms were used in almost every instance- though I've since learned that condoms aren't foolproof for this.

More than 3 years ago I started going to the urologist for pelvic pain- diagnosed then as chronic non bacterial prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome..  

Hence, why this is so frightening to me.  I've been "symptomatic" for YEARS.   Pain and Inflammation.   NEVER A SINGLE LESION OR SORE.   Years. 

Never had a known herpes test in my STI panels.  Gave blood and urine to the urologist numerous times over this period.  Never had a herpes test. 

Fast Forward:

The week before last I had a fling with a girl I met.  Alcohol was had and sexual intercourse occurred for approximately 30 seconds with her on top.  At this point, and perhaps fortunately, she said she just could not do this, we had no protection, even mentioning something like 80% of the population has herpes, etc, etc.  

We stopped immediately.   She seemed extremely worried about a morning after pill and an STD test from a mere 30 seconds.  Her nervousness made me incredibly nervous.  I had a visceral fear from her fear- almost like the cosmic tumblers were telling me something.

I took a STD test days later.  Positive for HSV-2.  Upon getting the results- GUESS WHAT-  immediate heat and inflammation in my groin/thighs.  My first "ah-ha moment".  It's an Outbreak.

1) Part of me is terrified I gave it to her in 30 seconds.  I've lost 10 pounds in the last 12 days.  

2) Part of me is terrified she had it and knew, and gave to me (though I don't know if I'd have a positive IGg after 4-5 days following the encounter).

3). Part of me is terrified I was misdiagnosed 3 years ago.  Had it the whole time. 

4) Part of me is terrified that a marriage and family may very well be over.  With all the choice women have on dating apps, why on earth would someone date me now?  

5). Part of me is ashamed.  I have friends from time to time trying to set me up with their single friends.  

6). I'm a working professional, 6 figure earner, masters degree.  I'm so ashamed (no disrespect to anyone else out there, I'm just grieving right now).

7). One thing I'm not sure many men/women ever fully recognize, hell I didn't recognize it fully until now...  Just how much men's live's are geared towards attracting women, impressing women, etc.  Literally the first few decades of a man's life are somewhat dedicated to self improvement for this pursuit..  But now what?  I've never made my whole life about the opposite sex, but thinking about future plans, houses, yards, picket fences always had someone in it...  This is a tough one.  

😎 I can't imagine admitting this ailment to anyone.  Hope this changes.  But for now, I'm very, very sad.  

Appreciate the vent, hope anyone who reads this is doing well!

[Journey]

I'm in the same boat as you. I just recently found out I had it because I had an outbreak a couple days ago. I've slepted with the same person for a year unprotected but I'm not the only one he slept with and I really feel thats how i got it. It sucks and I have all the same fears you do I feel like my life is changed forece3 in one day and I'm still trying to accept it. But there are alot more p that have this that dont even know they have it 

[Idunnooooo]

Hi there 👋🏽 

I was in a similar position when I found out two years ago that I have herpes. Going though this journey I found out that you would of had herpes without knowing this whole time and you would know if you had an outbreak which leads me to my next question, did you ever get bumps down there? It would hurt when you pee, they would ooze liquid or anything of that matter? 

Regardless just know you love life isn’t over. Someone will eventually come around wanna marry you & will want to have kids with you. That was my biggest fear as well and joining this group was an eye opener for me. It made me realize that no matter who you, what you do, how many degrees you have you can get herpes BUT just because you got herpes doesn’t mean your life is over. Read up on and educate yourself on it, the more you know the less scary it will be. I was depressed for months about it and lost over 30lbs, it’s not healthy. Please try to push through it because you are strong. You will survive this and be stronger than ever. The beginning is always the hardest but you have this group & it’ll get better. 

[Justyoureverydayguy]

On 9/28/2020 at 11:38 AM, Purpose said:

I'm new to the forum and about 10 days into a positive IGg of 1.69 which I suppose is somewhat in the confirmatory test range.  

Problem is:  I'm symptomatic.  

Literally no idea who or when I picked this up.  I can think of 14 times I've had sex in the last 2+ years.  Not 14 partners, mind you.  14 times/encounters.  Condoms were used in almost every instance- though I've since learned that condoms aren't foolproof for this.

More than 3 years ago I started going to the urologist for pelvic pain- diagnosed then as chronic non bacterial prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome..  

Hence, why this is so frightening to me.  I've been "symptomatic" for YEARS.   Pain and Inflammation.   NEVER A SINGLE LESION OR SORE.   Years. 

Never had a known herpes test in my STI panels.  Gave blood and urine to the urologist numerous times over this period.  Never had a herpes test. 

Fast Forward:

The week before last I had a fling with a girl I met.  Alcohol was had and sexual intercourse occurred for approximately 30 seconds with her on top.  At this point, and perhaps fortunately, she said she just could not do this, we had no protection, even mentioning something like 80% of the population has herpes, etc, etc.  

We stopped immediately.   She seemed extremely worried about a morning after pill and an STD test from a mere 30 seconds.  Her nervousness made me incredibly nervous.  I had a visceral fear from her fear- almost like the cosmic tumblers were telling me something.

I took a STD test days later.  Positive for HSV-2.  Upon getting the results- GUESS WHAT-  immediate heat and inflammation in my groin/thighs.  My first "ah-ha moment".  It's an Outbreak.

1) Part of me is terrified I gave it to her in 30 seconds.  I've lost 10 pounds in the last 12 days.  

2) Part of me is terrified she had it and knew, and gave to me (though I don't know if I'd have a positive IGg after 4-5 days following the encounter).

3). Part of me is terrified I was misdiagnosed 3 years ago.  Had it the whole time. 

4) Part of me is terrified that a marriage and family may very well be over.  With all the choice women have on dating apps, why on earth would someone date me now?  

5). Part of me is ashamed.  I have friends from time to time trying to set me up with their single friends.  

6). I'm a working professional, 6 figure earner, masters degree.  I'm so ashamed (no disrespect to anyone else out there, I'm just grieving right now).

7). One thing I'm not sure many men/women ever fully recognize, hell I didn't recognize it fully until now...  Just how much men's live's are geared towards attracting women, impressing women, etc.  Literally the first few decades of a man's life are somewhat dedicated to self improvement for this pursuit..  But now what?  I've never made my whole life about the opposite sex, but thinking about future plans, houses, yards, picket fences always had someone in it...  This is a tough one.  

😎 I can't imagine admitting this ailment to anyone.  Hope this changes.  But for now, I'm very, very sad.  

Appreciate the vent, hope anyone who reads this is doing well!

Let me know if you ever want to chat. I can tell you about my experiences... keep hitting on the ladies! Let your friends set you up but make sure it's only going to go somewhere when you tell them about your diagnosis.

Re: the girl you hooked up with, seems pretty specific for her to call out and prett6 specific for her to know the stats. I'd ask her if she's ever been tested or point blank if she has Herpes.

You don't need to tell her about your diagnosis first but you should tell her after you've attempted to confirm if it's something you got from her...

In the end it doesnt matter. We're all here on this site because we are positive.

Just hold out for a research breakthrough on treatments and cures my friend!

[Purpose]

On 10/1/2020 at 6:27 PM, Journey said:

I'm in the same boat as you. I just recently found out I had it because I had an outbreak a couple days ago. I've slepted with the same person for a year unprotected but I'm not the only one he slept with and I really feel thats how i got it. It sucks and I have all the same fears you do I feel like my life is changed forece3 in one day and I'm still trying to accept it. But there are alot more p that have this that dont even know they have it 

Thanks for the message.  Sorry you're in this boat with us all!   A part of me is in denial and keeps hoping that somehow the test was wrong and I'm having some weird form of empathy pains, but deep down I already know...    Life altering.  Are you still with him?

[Purpose]

On 10/2/2020 at 2:13 PM, Justyoureverydayguy said:

Let me know if you ever want to chat. I can tell you about my experiences... keep hitting on the ladies! Let your friends set you up but make sure it's only going to go somewhere when you tell them about your diagnosis.

Re: the girl you hooked up with, seems pretty specific for her to call out and prett6 specific for her to know the stats. I'd ask her if she's ever been tested or point blank if she has Herpes.

You don't need to tell her about your diagnosis first but you should tell her after you've attempted to confirm if it's something you got from her...

In the end it doesnt matter. We're all here on this site because we are positive.

Just hold out for a research breakthrough on treatments and cures my friend!

I'm still very afraid for my friends to know!  They have young kids and I would hate for them to avoid me coming around because of the stigma that I might transmit by touching a toy or fork or something...    

Yes, to your point.  The girl's behavior and distinct specifics do make me wonder.  The only reason I took a test was because of her reaction.   Something about her made me so nervous.  I wasn't even symptomatic at the time!  Nothing.   

I'm not sure if my blood work would turn up positive within 5-6 days or not.  The lower IGg does make it seem more plausible.   But I might just be reaching for some level of causation or understanding.  I suppose I could have had this 10 years ago and never knew.  

Unfortunately you are 100% right.  What's done is done.  

[Purpose]

On 10/2/2020 at 1:12 AM, Idunnooooo said:

Hi there 👋🏽 

I was in a similar position when I found out two years ago that I have herpes. Going though this journey I found out that you would of had herpes without knowing this whole time and you would know if you had an outbreak which leads me to my next question, did you ever get bumps down there? It would hurt when you pee, they would ooze liquid or anything of that matter? 

Regardless just know you love life isn’t over. Someone will eventually come around wanna marry you & will want to have kids with you. That was my biggest fear as well and joining this group was an eye opener for me. It made me realize that no matter who you, what you do, how many degrees you have you can get herpes BUT just because you got herpes doesn’t mean your life is over. Read up on and educate yourself on it, the more you know the less scary it will be. I was depressed for months about it and lost over 30lbs, it’s not healthy. Please try to push through it because you are strong. You will survive this and be stronger than ever. The beginning is always the hardest but you have this group & it’ll get better. 

Never had any bumps, rashes, lesions, etc.  It has hurt at the tip of my penis but that is a known symptom from prostatitis (and I have had my prostate checked a few times with confirmed clinical diagnosis of irregularities).  So, was the burning always from prostatitis?  Was it always from herpes?  Both? Who knows?  And I've had pelvic heat/inflammation for a long, long time.  

You're definitely right.  I guess anyone can get this.  I've read the some have gotten it after their first time or two having sex.   Jokingly, if I had known this was in the cards for me I would have at least tried to be more of a playboy earlier in life!  That's totally in jest- but you get the idea!   I've always been pretty average with dating & women.  Kinda makes it worse when I go over the stats in my head.  

[~Minerva~]

I just wanted to say that your worth as a person, as a future husband/partner, as a future father is not wrapped up in what viruses live inside of you, how educated you are, or how much money you make. Your worth as those things comes from the person you are, one that is obviously caring and compassionate, hence your weight loss and fear of unknowingly passing this along to someone else. The right woman will be the right woman regardless of your HSV diagnosis.

Wishing you the best!

[Idunnooooo]

It could be, you know everyone’s body reacts to it differently. 

 

LOL same, if I knew I was gonna get herpes after the second person I had sex with I would of dabbled in things more. Anyway I hope you’re feeling better. Sending lots of love and positivity your way. Remember don’t let it get to you so much, your mind makes it worse than it really is.