Herpes whilst in a relationship!

[Sarah-29]

Hello, so here goes 

 

I started a new relationship about 10 months ,he’s amazing and we connect so well on a whole new level, he’s lovely as well & I’m fully trusting of him and he spends all his free time with me when he isn’t at work ( so I know he hasn’t cheated) Before him I was single for 2 years and when I say single I mean no sex nothing for 2+ years ! Which was purely down to focusing on university and going on dates with people who just never progressed to that level. 

 

Before that I had a 2 year relationship and have slept with a total of 6 people ( including the new partner). My partner has been single for 6 years but before me has slept with around 33 people ... so 5 month ago he complained of a blister on his penis and got it checked and swabbed and it came back as herpes... the issue is he thinks it must be me he’s got them from but is there any actual way of knowing ?  could it the person he slept with before me that actually gave it to him and he’s only just having his first outbreak ? He’s working nights now and has been run down with that so could the lower immune system cause his first outbreak to appear ? 

 

Because of Covid they aren’t letting people in the GUM clinic in the uk where I’m from now unless there’s something actually there to swab which I didn’t  have so was confused and It was playing on my mind 😅 then A few months ago I noticed a little sore down there , got it swabbed and it was herpes ... so now we both have it but I just don’t want the blame for something if there’s a chance it’s not even from me, don’t get me wrong he isn’t being horrible with it but it’s making me feel really down ...like a double whammy that I wasn’t expecting, first being blamed and then finding out I actually have it ☹️

 

Has anyone else been in a relationship and found out they have herpes or their partner does? Any advice will help 😊 I know this sounds really in trusting but is there a way I can contact the clinic and ask how long he’s known about it for ? Or don’t they release information like that ?

 

Thanks for reading ! 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

There is definitely a possibility he had it first. You can carry the disease for years without knowing you have it. It makes me mad that he's laying the blame at your feet. 

I broke up with my partner and dated someone else. 2 weeks after sleeping with my new partner I developed an outbreak. We broke up and I got back together with my ex. Even he, in his situation, is wise enough to realise that we can't fully know where it came from. 

And actually, does it matter. That's the thing, you've got it, he's got it. Laying blame achieves nothing, which is why myself and my now husband don't even talk about the source, or concern ourselves with it. 

[Sarah-29]

Thank you this made me feel so much better ! I totally agree, it shouldn’t be about who’s to blame, in my eyes we are on this journey together in the relationship and need to support each other not try and point the finger! Hopefully he realises this soon 😊 thanks again for the response !