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Hi I am new to all this

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I recently got diagnosed and have a new boyfriend. I had an initial outbreak then have been on daily suppressive meds since Feb with no outbreaks. Suddenly I think I see a new sore!  I am beyond upset and depressed. I feel my boyfriend will be repulsed by me now. Anyone relate?

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Hey Jackie, I was also recently diagnosed.

i’ve been emotionally unstable for about a month 1/2. After doing some research I learned that sores will always come and go. You can’t focus on things that are out of your control. It’s up to you to decide whether or not to stress over it. Managing your stress is key to preventing your sores. As for your boyfriend, did he know before you guys got together that you had been diagnosed? If so you shouldn’t worry about how he feels because he signed up for it and will genuinely love you if he’s really for you regardless of your condition. If he doesn’t, than he’s simply not for you and you shouldn’t surround yourself with someone who isn’t sure if they want to be with you. 

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I get it, and I'm not trying to be abrasive.  But the idea that keeps popping up as I review comments is that when a person is unwilling to risk a life long STD for a relationship, then that relationship and people were never meant to be.  I wish I could get over that hump.  I have no doubt I was meant to be with a different person that was derailed by this disease.  A great person, loving person.  I don't blame her for turning away from our relationship and I certainly don't believe we weren't meant for each other.  This infection and stigma wreaks havoc on lives, typically on those lives of good people that are willing to face it and tell others about their infection.  Maybe my reality is off.  I would appreciate and be FOREVER thankful to anyone that could help me see and understand this other side that herpes does us a favor by allowing us to know those that "truly" love us, it just doesn't add up or match reality.

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@My_dog_is_hungry I'm not spreading negativity, definitely not trying to.  I'm looking for fellow people to talk to about this situation that we share in life.  I know many on here just come because of a recent diagnosis.  I've dealt with this for way over half my life.  I don't think I was even done with puberty when I had this life long disease change the direction and course of my life.  It is 100% not rainbows and butterflies.  I am not talking down to anyone, I am sharing my experience and story.  Unfortunately, my experience and story happens to be a sad one.  And ironically, many including me would say I'm a "successful" story with a wife and kids and good job, etc.  I don't know if this site has Direct Messaging, but you seem to care and are engaged.  I'd love to write you one on one.  I'd rather not disappear from these sites again and go back to pretending herpes has no influence on my current life or where I am.  But, if you think that's better than me sharing my history with this disease, I respect that and could just go away from here.  If nothing else, thank you for engaging me, not ignoring or dismissing.  You're a good person and definitely mean well.  I like to think the same applies to me.

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  • 4 months later...

@VA2121 There is no doubt that fear of getting herpes and unwillingness to risk that while building a relationship that may or may not work out does not make someone a bad person. It is important to have compassion for them too. But there are any number of additional “deal breakers” that a person may have in mind. It is unfortunate that we have a big additional one, but we do, and there are. I’m New to this but perhaps a “herpes opportunity” is to expand our compassion and joy and optimism and inner strength and love and be the kind of person that will attract a similar person. Perhaps through the process of acceptance and compassion and love we can be better than we previously imagined and thus find a partner better than we previously could have imagined. I can’t  read the future, but I see the process of trying as an opportunity. I hope that addresses your question. I think it is a very good and important question to ask and to answer  in the best way we can.

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