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Mayaa47

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Hi everyone, I’m new here. Been on here for the past couple of weeks just reading stories trying to learn and cope with my diagnosis. I am 18 only had a year and a half of a normal sex life before contracting this disease .. sigh. I had a committed boyfriend who I had lost my virginity too and when we had broken up and he started dating another girl I was very sad and was drinking and smoking a lot. One night I got really drunk and a guy who I had entertained before but never planned on sleeping with had called me and I was just already so drunk and being dumb told him to come over. We drank more and ended up having unprotected sex. We never talked about stds and didn’t even think about a condom in the moment. I remember he had accidentally slipped it in the other hole tmi lol i know, but I noticed that area was really sore and hurt the next morning. Thought nothing of it and the discomfort for the next week and it went away.  Fast forward 5 months later me and my ex had happen to come across each other at a murals party we started talking again like we always do. He is my first love and we always end up back to each other somehow. Basically we ended up seeing each other again slept with each other 3 different occasions unprotected. Things go south with us as they always do and we stop talking. About a week later I notice the discomfort in the anus region again look at my genitals in the mirror and notice some blisters. I was scared went to the doctor and they gave me a visual diagnosis saying it was herpes. I couldn’t believe it and got the blood test as well. My doctor called me back a. Few days later to tell me I had have-2. It’s been a few weeks now of just crying and feeling like my life is over. I’m too young for this. I finally decided and had the courage to tell my bestf of 8 years and she was very supportive, her mom cousin, a few friends have it etc. it makes me feel better but still makes me upset cause why me and why so early in life.. I still haven’t contacted my ex boyfriend and told him about my diagnosis I’m scared of his reaction and if he has it.. I’m always scared of the way he will perceive me when we first started to date I was this magnificent virgin.. and now I’m just infected. I know that he loves me and I do trust him to keep my secret but I’m just sad because I know he would never want me now and it kills me. Also the boy who I just know gave this to me contacted me a few days ago asking why I don’t talk to him anymore and such and I just went off saying he gave me a whole std this and that and he’s denying anything I didn’t even mention it was herpes but he still is trying to see me so I assume he didn’t know.. which I guess I can’t blame him I blame myself more I knew he was someone a little older (20) and I knew he slept around. I just wish I hadn’t got drunk that night or never answered his call but I can’t go back now.. the past scares me and so does the future.. idk what to do 

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1 minute ago, Mayaa47 said:

Hi everyone, I’m new here. Been on here for the past couple of weeks just reading stories trying to learn and cope with my diagnosis. I am 18 only had a year and a half of a normal sex life before contracting this disease .. sigh. I had a committed boyfriend who I had lost my virginity too and when we had broken up and he started dating another girl I was very sad and was drinking and smoking a lot. One night I got really drunk and a guy who I had entertained before but never planned on sleeping with had called me and I was just already so drunk and being dumb told him to come over. We drank more and ended up having unprotected sex. We never talked about stds and didn’t even think about a condom in the moment. I remember he had accidentally slipped it in the other hole tmi lol i know, but I noticed that area was really sore and hurt the next morning. Thought nothing of it and the discomfort for the next week and it went away.  Fast forward 5 months later me and my ex had happen to come across each other at a murals party we started talking again like we always do. He is my first love and we always end up back to each other somehow. Basically we ended up seeing each other again slept with each other 3 different occasions unprotected. Things go south with us as they always do and we stop talking. About a week later I notice the discomfort in the anus region again look at my genitals in the mirror and notice some blisters. I was scared went to the doctor and they gave me a visual diagnosis saying it was herpes. I couldn’t believe it and got the blood test as well. My doctor called me back a. Few days later to tell me I had have-2. It’s been a few weeks now of just crying and feeling like my life is over. I’m too young for this. I finally decided and had the courage to tell my bestf of 8 years and she was very supportive, her mom cousin, a few friends have it etc. it makes me feel better but still makes me upset cause why me and why so early in life.. I still haven’t contacted my ex boyfriend and told him about my diagnosis I’m scared of his reaction and if he has it.. I’m always scared of the way he will perceive me when we first started to date I was this magnificent virgin.. and now I’m just infected. I know that he loves me and I do trust him to keep my secret but I’m just sad because I know he would never want me now and it kills me. Also the boy who I just know gave this to me contacted me a few days ago asking why I don’t talk to him anymore and such and I just went off saying he gave me a whole std this and that and he’s denying anything I didn’t even mention it was herpes but he still is trying to see me so I assume he didn’t know.. which I guess I can’t blame him I blame myself more I knew he was someone a little older (20) and I knew he slept around. I just wish I hadn’t got drunk that night or never answered his call but I can’t go back now.. the past scares me and so does the future.. idk what to do 

Oops typo I have hsv-2*

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Hi maya. Firstly. In fairness, he may not have known he had HSV.  But now he’s been made aware, he should really get tested. You can read almost anywhere that It can be symptomless. More so in men. Not always. But it’s more likely to show less severe symptoms or be thought of as something else in men. Secondly, you are carrying a simple virus, like millions of us around the world. You’re not alone. There are many of us. It can be a struggle when you first find out but you can and you will move forward. it just takes a bit of time. It’s a virus that will stay with you forever , and that’s hard to deal with at first but it is manageable and treatable and it really isn’t life threatening. Herpes exists in over 80 percent of the population in some form. some orally, some genitally. Some both. 
taking anti virals is always an option if your outbreaks are many or troublesome. They work. You just need to seek healthcare. And always being honest with your partner as you have done,  is the right thing to do but you can and will still lead a normal and happy life. Only you’ll now live it with people who accept you for all that you are. Because in the end, you’re still you. Beautiful, unique and human. With a virus that many of us share. 

 

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I got this when I was 16 from the first girl I ever kissed.  I thought she was a virgin too.  I had no idea.  Anyways, this virus has taken the love of my life away from me when I was 20.  My girlfriend for two years that I truly loved.  I didn't "know" for certain I had it, I stayed with the girl that gave it to me all through high school.  So when I moved on to college I had blocked it from my mind.  I didn't have any outbreaks, so I went into school thinking I was normal.  Well, the second girl I ever kissed that I dated in college got a cold sore on her mouth, and she had given me oral.  She was a nursing student and we got tested and I had it.  Anyways, she left school, I dropped out for a while too, I really thought about suicide.  But decided to live life instead.  Not sure if it was the right decision.  I settled to have a family and "normal" life and do have beautiful kids and a great job.  But there's no love with my wife, probably never was.  We met online at a H dating site and moved forward.  Life will never be the same for you and we both missed out on a large part of life because of this virus at such a young age.  Good luck, I recommend pouring yourself into school, work, other areas of your life to make yourself better.  

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1 hour ago, My_dog_is_hungry said:
5 hours ago, VA2121 said:

I got this when I was 16 from the first girl I ever kissed.  I thought she was a virgin too.  I had no idea.  Anyways, this virus has taken the love of my life away from me when I was 20.  My girlfriend for two years that I truly loved.  I didn't "know" for certain I had it, I stayed with the girl that gave it to me all through high school.  So when I moved on to college I had blocked it from my mind.  I didn't have any outbreaks, so I went into school thinking I was normal.  Well, the second girl I ever kissed that I dated in college got a cold sore on her mouth, and she had given me oral.  She was a nursing student and we got tested and I had it.  Anyways, she left school, I dropped out for a while too, I really thought about suicide.  But decided to live life instead.  Not sure if it was the right decision.  I settled to have a family and "normal" life and do have beautiful kids and a great job.  But there's no love with my wife, probably never was.  We met online at a H dating site and moved forward.  Life will never be the same for you and we both missed out on a large part of life because of this virus at such a young age.  Good luck, I recommend pouring yourself into school, work, other areas of your life to make yourself better.  

This is exactly what my worst fear is.. 😭 it makes me sad because I feel I will settle as well I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on w life knowing I have to let him go and search for someone who will accept me. I’ve always had many guys try to talk to me and I wouldn’t talk to any of them cause I felt I could go better and made me feel so confident, but now it just makes me feel like if only you knew.. and I’ll never find anyone now and I feel I can no longer have any expectations I just have to now hope I’m accepted..

 

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5 hours ago, Mayaa47 said:

Thank you, I appreciate it I’m just scared of being this age knowing how he will react already. 

I don't personally subscribe to the "meant to be" thing. You're right, he's young, he may not get it. This relationship might not work out and that will be awful. It may have failed without this thing and then you might have nothing to blame. Life is hard, here's an extra hard bit for you. I can tell you that this is a blip unless you fixate on it. If you want to chat, I'm here for you, or I can suggest some good motivational Instagram pages to follow. Don't let the negativity poison your mind-and I'm a pessimist 😂 You have not changed. You are important. You are special. You are worthy. Xx

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