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Successful disclosure, but was then ghosted

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Hi to all,

I’ve had HSV2 since Feb 2020. 

I’m a single 44 yr old mom. Although I felt crushed when I initially found out I had contacted this virus, I have been pretty optimistic that things will turn out for me. I was rejected by one guy in the summer, even though he knew my status. He would’ve been ok with oral herpes but not genital herpes. Ouch. But I refused to let this get to me. So a few weeks ago I finally found someone who I thought had real long-term potential. Disclosed to him on our second date as things were getting a little more intimate. He reacted really positively, said he appreciated my honesty and didn’t view this as a dealbreaker. On our third date a couple of weeks after, we were having such a good time that we ended up sleeping together (with a condom and I’m also taking daily antivirals). Then, he told me that it hit him, during sex, that he could catch it and he didn’t know if he was comfortable with this (he doesn’t think he has herpes but was planning on getting tested). In the following days, I noticed a slight distance and change in his text messages. Five days ago, he wrote me a ‘normal’ message about his day, I replied and since then, nothing. He ghosted me. 
It’s hard to take because he said he valued honesty and that he had a lot of respect for me, especially because I disclosed to him my status. I’m sure he needed time to process this, but he could’ve said so instead of ghosting me. That’s the most hurtful part.

Does this happen a lot?? I’m curious to hear other people’s stories... 









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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi All, I'm in a similar situation.

I've been positive since 2016.  I thought I'd never date again and this led to profound sadness.  I did date again, and disclosed when things were getting intimate.  He didn't seem to care but there were other issues so I ended up letting him go.

Two years later I took a chance and went out with a guy and we hit it off spectacularly!  We were so similar you'd think we were raised together, and we had the best fun.  After two or three weeks of dating we both wanted to be exclusive.  No sex yet, I did disclose.  He asked me if I was only contagious when I had outbreaks and I told him the truth -- there's a small chance of transmitting even with no symptoms.  I said I'd give him time to think and whatever he decided was okay.  We continued dating and making out and had GREAT fun together.  I don't think I ever dated someone I was so compatible with!  But I noticed small changes over the next weeks, he seemed to be pulling away one day but so warm and loving the next.  I asked him what his thoughts were about my status and he said he was still thinking.

The following day I went on a long hike and gave it some thought.  I came to the sad realization that he was uncomfortable taking our relationship to the next level (sexual intimacy). After the hike I stopped by his house and he was sooo happy to see me, a pleasant surprise!  But I wanted to have a sober talk and so we did.  I told him I felt his ambiguity about my situation and...it felt bad.  It was hard on me knowing I'm constantly being measured and evaluated as to whether I'm worth taking the risk of him getting infected. And at some point in the future when we'd inevitably get into a disagreement as people do, he may even wonder why he "settled" for a H+ woman. He held me so tight.  He kissed me.  then he held me tight again.  Asked if I wanted a little dinner.  Fixed my watch that broke right then and there.  Gave me vegies from his garden, etc.  But I left, and as I was leaving he kissed me again and said, "talk tomorrow?"  I agreed.

I haven't heard from him sense.  It's been 11 days.

Friends, I have never met a man who I felt more comfortable, more compatible with and I believe he felt the same. But I must face the truth, we are not compatible, because he did not want to get H from me.

Mixed feelings: Sadness in that a true friend that I cared for and who cared for me rejected me because of H.  Relief that it's over because ultimately I know that his fear of getting herpes would haunt our relationship forever, and I wouldn't be happy. Hopeless because now I feel no worthy man will want me. (This guy was high-quality and has so many options.  He's already back on the dating site that we met on)

I'm 57.  Look much younger.  I have a great social life, no debt or addictions, and zero problem attracting men. How many times will I put myself through this again, going out with someone, getting my hopes up just to be rejected again. It hurts so much.

Thank you for reading.

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