Recently diagnosed for HSV2, need advice regarding possibly infected partner who cant be tested.

[Mgxoxo]

Hello all, 🙂newly diagnosed and may have also unknowingly infected my current partner.

background:
the first time i had a herpes culture screening was in may of 2018 and test was negative. Since then I have had routine STI/HIV screenings( 1-2 times a year) as well as other vaginal exams. During these exams (routine or due to possible herpes/other vaginal or sti health symptoms) I was informed what was present was genital warts (have been diagnosed with this previously before) or had no other glaring signs of herpes infection so I was never tested for herpes again. Since my initial herpes screening, i had unprotected sex with 2 partners, One of whom is my current partner who has never had or reported any symptoms.  Neither partner has been tested.                           

2 weeks ago i experienced what I know now was an outbreak.  the sore was swabbed for testing, I was prescribed acyclovir for treatment, and informed I would be contacted if results were positive. I Received results shortly after and tested positive for hsv2.

I informed my current partner of the diagnosis and fortunately he has been great and supportive.  i also informed my previous partner of my diagnosis and advised them to get tested.

I have many doubts and insecurities of how this will now affect my relationship moving forward. Because  he has never reported or shown any symptoms I can’t help but be concerned about me having possibly infected him or Infecting him in the future and possibly never knowing should he never show any obvious symptoms. yes, its possible he infected me unknowingly same way i may have possibly infected him, but the only one who knows they have it is me. I have come to terms that if he was the carrier I am accepting of it and it will not affect my relationship with him. while he has been incredibly supportive and open to us discussing our options to move forward and work on this together, (including him getting full sti/hiv screening and us using protection/ adjustments to our sex life) he cannot be tested for herpes only if he has active sores. i think its important for us to both know if we have it or not. with this insecurity there will always be doubt and concern of me possibly infecting him and us having unprotected sex now being a huge risk of infection. i understand the importance of practicing safe sex always, but with a monogamous partner i trust, i choose not to always be protected.

has anyone been able to get a blood test for being exposed to the virus but not having actual sores? what was your experience? I’ve read many reports and posts on here of the blood tests being unreliable so it’s really no help or relief in site 😞 How have your partners/ you handled moving forward and the changes in your relationship after knowing you’re positive AFTER already being sexually active.

thank you for your time 🙂

[My thoughts]

Yes. He can do it, and it is not a obligation to have sores to get tested.

He can say:

1. I know that it is a recommendation not to test, but I do want to know it. I am informed that if I want it, I can request it. 

2. My partner has it, and I'd like to know my status so we can take decissions about our sex life.

3. If it is sooo odifficult to get a test. Just pay for it on QuestDiagnostic or another lab for it. I think it's like $120. No need to go with a doctor. 

What I said (haha):

"I read about the recommendation, but I am not American! I want to know! I have to tell my future partners"

[Mgxoxo]

Hello thank you so much ! I appreciate your reply and assistance with this. It has been very frustrating that immediately the response received to test for hsv is a firm “if there’s no symptoms we cannot test for herpes”. Truly disappointing and mind boggling as it seems to be a better way to prevent transmission  But what do I know ? I’m not the expert here.
 

i have researched my local quest diagnostics and my partner will make his appointment as you suggested. they even have a tests for hsv. And it’s under $50 at my local clinic. Thank you so much I felt like this was going to be a long term worry of mine and is a huge relief. I feel more confident in moving forward.

 

 

[Whyymeee]

Hello I’m in the same boat as you like we literally have the same story lol. But if it makes you feel any better me and my partner is getting through it. We already been having unprotected sex before HSV showed its ugly head so I’m waiting for him to get tested. I developed insecurities and became depressed. We almost let HSV win, we was letting it get to us bad, but communication is key. If he has it or not, if y’all had love for each other before HSV try not to loose that. And allow you partner to love you. I started pushing mines away because I didn’t want to burden him, but if he’s choosing to stay given that he knows the risks, then let that man love you and you continue on loving him

[Mgxoxo]

10 hours ago, Whyymeee said:

Hello I’m in the same boat as you like we literally have the same story lol. But if it makes you feel any better me and my partner is getting through it. We already been having unprotected sex before HSV showed its ugly head so I’m waiting for him to get tested. I developed insecurities and became depressed. We almost let HSV win, we was letting it get to us bad, but communication is key. If he has it or not, if y’all had love for each other before HSV try not to loose that. And allow you partner to love you. I started pushing mines away because I didn’t want to burden him, but if he’s choosing to stay given that he knows the risks, then let that man love you and you continue on loving him

Thank you so much ! I am happy to hear you and your loved one we are able to work it will out and have support. Also a complete relief that I am not alone and so many people have likely gone through the same thing! 
your experience makes me happy and bring me hope! Is your partner getting a blood test or a swab test? 

to add to your suggestion of letting my partner love me, I am definitely pushing him away even unknowingly. I feel defeated and don’t even want to discuss this with him anymore bc I feel it’s all too much for him even though he has said otherwise! im Seeing how this is not helping us. I am  going for my follow up visit to discuss treatment and ask questions on the 23rd and he has full panel the same day. Idk if we’re able to see the doctor together so we can both ask questions and I know he will likely be told if he has no symptoms they can’t test for herpes but atleast we can start from there. 

In addition, i know now (thanks to this forum!) where to request a blood test if they will tell him they dont advise a blood test or that they don’t offer it. I’ve heard this before and thus while I’m in this boat now. Undiagnosed for possible years. Anyhow I digress...

I appreciate your reply and looking forward to hear an update with more happy outcomes 🙂 Best of luck to you and your partners journey!