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Finding out


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I remember when I first found out I had herpes. I had a bad fever that went on for 2 days I was dizzy and overall tired. After the 2 days the fever and dizziness went away but my labia was swollen and I had a sore on one side. It would burn sooo bad when I peed and I didn’t know what was going on. I went to a clinic and was told I had kidney failure and herpes. I knew for a fact I didn’t have kidney failure which played a role in why I didn’t take the doctor serious when she told me I had herpes. She took a urine sample and tested it and she told me she didn’t find any infections... But then she looked at me. And as shocked, scared and as lonely as I felt. I managed to still figure out a way to convince myself it was not true. I was really stuck in denial. (Also because she said I had kidney failure, I just didn’t really take her serious, but she looked at the sore, and she’s a doctor so apart of me DID take her word for it.) She prescribed some medication for me which I picked up and never used because I didn’t wanna believe it. And the sore was still there so I went to the hospital they took a urine sample and found that I had a yeast infection. (So looking back I feel like somehow because the virus was new inside my body it ended up giving me an infection, I’m no medical expert but that’s what I figure because) They gave me antibiotics and the sore was gone my labia went back to normal and everything was just fine. That was in the ending of 2019.  2020 starts and I didn’t have a single outbreak until around October. It wasn’t too bad but I honestly thought nothing of it, I got tested for everything in November 2020 besides hsv But even thinking nothing of it, what the doctor told me always stuck with me. I had another outbreak in December 2020

Then I realized I may really have herpes. I just had an outbreak around March 1st 2021 and I’m pretty sure of myself now. The way things fell into place forced me to accept it. I have a love and hate relationship with it. It opened my eyes to a lot, I’m more mature, and it was definitely a wake up call to be more protective of myself, and put myself first. 
 

I also just wanna throw in I do have tingling in my whole left leg when I’m about to get an outbreak and it’s not too bad, just annoying, I get migraines/headaches sometimes. 
And my lymph nodes swell from time to time which is why I initially got tested in November as I mentioned. But everything came back negative so then after the fact I just assumed herpes caused my lymph nodes to swell but I wanted to do research and it landed me here.

 

I’ve it accepted it for what it is, I’m not ashamed or still in denial. But I haven’t accepted being who I am WITH herpes. I will admit it’s hard to bring up in a discussion, not that I’m embarrassed of it but just because I’m not sure how people will react, or who they’ll tell. 

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No I never asked for a test she looked at it and told me that that’s what it was. I never looked at the sore from denial and shame. But after I had more breakouts I started looking at them and they’re definitely herpes sores. I haven’t gotten tested for it yet. I don’t really see the point though I hear a lot of people say they come back negative most of the time because of how the infection can hide. 

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