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Happy I found this forum

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Rewind to last year, met a girl. Hit it off, started dating, had sex a couple weeks after we met. A week later she doesn't want to see me because of "a problem on her face." I said no problem, let's see. Well it was herpes, didn't know what kind at the time. She tells me that it was a partner from the week that we met. We both get tested it didn't show up. 


Eventually we get serious. After a few months we move across country and on the road is when I had my first outbreak. We stayed together for a while until she was unfaithful and we decided its best to end it. Neither of us was happy. 


Just got tested like normal after a relationship, just to be safe. 3 days later, doc calls me back in. I knew. Seeing it on paper really rocked me.


Re-reading this i realize I'm the only one to blame. I should have been more careful, less risky. I do feel like crap, all the way around. Feels like my life is over, even though I know its not that serious. Feel alone. I just had to get this off my chest. I want to blame everyone else but myself, but it doesn't change the diagnosis. 


If anyone can share, I need help. I normally don't ask for help, but right now I need it. 

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First off I can tell you you are definitely not to blame whatsoever, and neither is she really by the sounds of it, but you definitely are not. The notion of blame is quite unhelpful. The only situation where it might possibly be somewhat valid is the one in which someone knows and understands they are risking passing on a virus to someone and doesn't disclose it to their partner beforehand. Even in that clear situation it may be unhelpful to think in terms of blame.

It's great you found this board so quickly. As Sarah says it's super common, and just a reality of being sexually active. This diagnosis can, for some reason, make people feel super alone and cut off. It did for me. But understand you are not and there are tons of people (like me) who understand what you're feeling. If you can control it and understand how insignificant it is in your own head, then it will change very little. That is the real battle. 

As it turns out, other people by and large don't care massively when you tell them, it turns out. The dreaded conversation is often very easy and actually brings you closer to the person. But it may, depending on your habits, require some change of approach and communication finding partners, but that is all very manageable and can be a bit of a project of self improvement.

Good luck.

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