How to manage sex when one partner is positive and the other isn't

[SeanJohn]

Hi and thank you for reading. I was diagnosed with HSV-1 & 2 in August so I am still getting used to it. I have fears about it like you may have had. Fears of how to move forward with life but most importantly is transmitting it to my new girlfriend.
We haven't had any sexual relations beyond kissing due to this; not for lack of desire.
We have talked about it extensively, done our internet research, video appointments twice with an infectious disease doctor. I am on daily suppressiver therapy but have not had an outbreak past my initial one. What we are looking for is people or couples who have been in long-term relationships and whether they transmitted it to their partners or not during their relationship. Were there acts you wouldn't do? Did you have ground rules and follow them like no sex without a condom, etc?
We are hoping to find some clarity and hoping to pay it forward some day. Thank you in advance.

[~Minerva~]

I am +, my husband is -  

I was infected last year while separated from him. We got back together shortly after. I am on daily Valcyclovir 500mg, have not had an outbreak since my initial one, and have not passed the virus to him (to our knowledge). He has told me he’s in this for the long run, and if he gets it, he gets it; though I think there is slightly more risk of a male transmitting it to a female. 

To answer your question- our sex life is the same as it was pre. If I was ever to have an active outbreak, we would abstain.

Did you ask either of the doctors what the approximate risk of transmission is while on daily suppression plus condoms? From what I’ve read, it’s quite low, but I’m no expert. 

[SeanJohn]

Thank you for the reply!
We have discussed with several doctors. We understand there is not a chance of zero transmission but hoping with suppressive therapy, condoms and monitoring we can reduce the risk to as low as possible. 
Mind if I ask why he hasn’t been tested? I’m just thinking for monitoring purposes, that is something we have discussed. Are there certain things you two won’t do? 

[~Minerva~]

3 hours ago, SeanJohn said:

Thank you for the reply!
We have discussed with several doctors. We understand there is not a chance of zero transmission but hoping with suppressive therapy, condoms and monitoring we can reduce the risk to as low as possible. 
Mind if I ask why he hasn’t been tested? I’m just thinking for monitoring purposes, that is something we have discussed. Are there certain things you two won’t do? 

You’re welcome!

As for testing, he hasn’t had any symptoms, blood tests are notoriously unreliable, and he doesn’t care one way or another if he were to contract it, so there just hasn’t been any need or desire to get tested. 
 

Oh, and as I mentioned above, sex-wise everything is the same as it was pre HSV-2.

[mr_hopp]

Welcome @SeanJohn — I'm positive for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, I've been with my wife for 7 years now and we have a baby boy who just turned 4 (my how time flies). I take daily suppressive therapy but we decided together to stop using condoms years ago (hence that sweet baby boy I mentioned earlier). 😉

That brings her risk down to 5% per year. And she hasn't gotten herpes yet. 🤞 Life does certainly go on and it's up to each person and each couple to determine their risk tolerance together. It's certainly a risk/reward scenario to balance, and for each person it's different. 

Speaking of, have you downloaded the handouts that come with the disclosure e-book? Those break down all the numbers in an easy-to-understand way: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook