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Trying to keep my head up


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Hello. I believe I contracted hsv2 in January. A casual partner decided to take off his condom in the middle of sex which alarmed me and I insisted he put one on to finish. Approximately two days later I felt itchy and weird down below. I thought it was a yeast infection so I decided to treat myself with monistat. Unfortunately the burning I felt prompted me to look below with a mirror. A white spot on my labia scared me so bad I rushed to the er. While getting examined by a nurse she confirms that my cervix was inflamed and treated me for (trichomonas, gonnorhea or chlamydia) and sent me home.
 

When I confronted the guy I believe gave this to me he basically gaslighted me and blocked me. 

 

The white spot ulcerated from my scratching and my uncomfortable symptoms persisted up until April. My outside vulva was red and inflamed with another sore so I went to a health clinic only for them to confirm it was hsv2. I am so devastated. I have been on acyclovir for a month and while I haven’t had any ulcers, the outside of my vagina is still red and itchy. It’s so hard trying to adjust with my new reality with a reminder every single day I have this skin condition. When I think of how wonderful sex was for me I get so down on myself. I also hold a lot of resentment towards the opposite sex. I pray that this gets better. I have so much to look forwards to. I’m just filled with regret that this could happen to me. 

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I just feel so embarrassed and damaged. I’m single so I’m not really sure what this means for my future. I’ve been suffering from anxiety in January since my body has been through so many changes and now depression since the confirmed diagnosis. I’m only 28. I just feel down.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi!! 

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you are feeling some relief. 

I want to tell you that there is hope. I actually had a similar issues, as my herpes sores were inside my vaginal cavity and caused excessive burning and pain. 

I am sorry that the person did not respond well to the confrontation. However, remember that this is nothing against you necessarily. We cannot control how others react to us, but we CAN control our responses to the things life throws at us. Generalizations can cause us to loose hope. Not all men or women or any gender is bad, however resentment and anger are understandable emotions right now. 

I know you feel hopeless, but there is hope ❤️ you are still beautiful and worthy of love, and kind and considerate people will understand that HSV2 is a medical diagnosis; the social stigmas attached are just societally constructed and honestly do not really exist, if that makes sense. People created the stigmas, and therefore we have the power to dismantle them and build new experiences of understanding and myth-busting. The magic of sex can still be unlocked! Don't worry, the real issue is thinking that sex is ruined-- instead it almost makes us value sex more and really key in on how important and intimate it really is. Overcoming this herpes hurdle is like manifesting this ability to respect and love your body, mind, spirit, and soul despite the struggles. I know you can do it!! ❤️ Life isn't easy. Life isn't perfect. But, Life is good. 

I am sending you love and healing. You can do this! You are never alone. Keep the faith ❤️.

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