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Just telling y’all my business

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So my relationship is going downhill. Recently I found out my boyfriend (the person who gave me HSV 2) was cheating on me. After talking to him he claims that he never slept with any of the girls (he’s just finding out he has HSV 2 too. He’s asymptotic, never even had a itch but me on the other hand, I outbreak every month during “my time of the month”). He claims that talking to me isn’t easy because it’s his fault why I’m goin through all of this. Talking to the other girls is some what a form of therapy for him because they don’t see him as a “monster” if you will. I tried to tell him about this group. I told him I talk to you all whenever this virus gets me down. He doesn’t want to hear it. He wants to feel as normal as possible. He doesn’t want to accept it (his exact words) and I tried to tell him that he has to, it’s apart of him. I just recently got tested again. No reason in particular just want to make sure in still clear from everything else but once I get my results I think I’m goin to leave. My biggest fear is having to disclose to someone and they reject me and then tell the world my secret. On social media I just recently watched one of my old classmates get exposed and although it wasn’t nice how it came out, I was happy that I’m not alone (misery loves company huh) lol. I’m not happy in my relationship and it’s not even because I don’t like the guy (before HSV we was perfect) but the lack of communication and the comfort he finds in others bothers me. Anytime I bring up HSV he immediately gets an attitude. I tried to explain to him that he is they only person I have that I can openly talk about this with. But I also should respect the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it at all. Even if I have other things to talk about the conversation goes no where. All he is good for is sex. I honestly was considering just keeping him around for that. I can’t give him what he already has (the bright side) but with him talking and flirting with other women I’m scared that one day he’s going to start dirty rolling and give me something else that I never asked for. It’s just best for me to walk away, I can honestly say I tried. I don’t want to get depressed again but I know this isn’t going to be easy for me. You know I have had HSV for 7 months now.. we probably broke up, at the least, 3 times since then. I keep fighting for us to stay together because I’m really scared of coming out and disclosing. But him, he never fought for me. He would let our relationship end no problem. Even more reason why I think he’s going to dirty roll with it. I wish things between us could go back to the way it was before HSV reared it’s ugly head. He had just made me a drawer at his home before this all started and I was buying things to leave at his house so when I spent the night, I wouldn’t  have to pack so much. I haven’t been inside his home since I have been diagnosed. I feel like if he accept it and become comfortable with it then we can move better. But he honestly doesn’t want to. I don’t know what I am goin to do. If I wasn’t for HSV I would have been left him but if it wasn’t for HSV we wouldn’t be this distant either. I’ll figure it out, I’m almost SURE I’m goin to leave him (maybe give that horse 1 last ride) lol and that’s it. I’m tired of trying with him. I just wish we could have worked it out

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Hey there.  I'm so sorry you're going through this but you deserve better, in fact you'd be better off alone then be with someone who's cheating on you and finding comfort in other women.  That's just not cool and HSV or not, no one deserves that.  It's been 5 months of this for me and I just got back into the dating world and am seeing a really great guy but the thought of having to disclose this makes me sick but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone either so that's the risk we now have to take.  I'm ready to take the risk of disclosing and rejection vs a lifetime on loneliness.  You have to find a way to accept the new you and realize that you're more than this and you're worth more than some guy who treats you like second best.   Don't hinge your happiness on him because he now has this too.  You are worth more!

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I’m really sorry you’re in this situation, and I truly hope you will find a way to get yourself out of it before your lives become any more entangled than they already are. It sounds like you two live separately, and I’m assuming share no children, so now’s the time to make a clean break. Don’t continue to sleep with him. 

I also have a feeling that you are a victim of “trickle truth” where you’re only getting small amounts of information regarding his indiscretions. You don’t deserve to be betrayed because someone “wants to feel normal”, never mind the fact that he is knowingly leading these women on with (apparently) no intention of following through. 

Also, shame and guilt are very powerful emotions, ones that overtake a person’s ability to be empathetic to the one they betrayed. I am living this life right now, and I understand how isolating and difficult it is. 

No one can see into the future, but I am absolutely positive that you can find happiness within yourself and then one day find someone to share that happiness with. Please cut your losses and walk away. You’ll thank yourself one day. 

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9 minutes ago, Whyymeee said:

Thank you both @NJRunnerMom and @~Minerva~ .. I know what your saying is right, I’m really just staying with him out of fear. I got to do what’s best for me and unfortunately I got to take my baggage with me... thank you both for your real words of advice 😘

Try not to look at it as baggage, it's just a small part of your life that if taking the proper steps can be very manageable and safe for you and a partner.  Will you get rejected because of this, possibly, but unless you really put yourself out there, you'll never know.  You need to do what's best for you.  Don't settle, that never leads to anything good anyway, you're just prolonging the inevitable.  Cut ties, do some soul searching and try to work on accepting yourself and then when you're ready, head back into the dating world.  Is it scary...yes, but is it worth it...that only you can answer.  ((HUGS))

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