Emotional

[Askingforgrace]

Hi guys, I just found out Tuesday of this week that I have genital herpes.  I am a divorced woman of five years and will soon be 52 years old.  I have had four sex partners in my life and apparently one of them was a very bad mistake.  My physical symptoms are much better now, which is good, but I woke up this morning in tears.   I feel like the part of my life where I will have a companion or spouse is over now.   I have two grown children, and two grand children and they have their lives.  I raised them to be very independent.  The problem now is I don’t feel like I’m worthy of being dated or pursued.  I really want love and companionship in my life.  I just feel like going forward I’ve been tainted.  I realize also that sex really is not the most important thing in life but it does bond a couple.  I just woke up feeling that no one will ever give me a chance if I tell too soon and if I wait I feel like that’s deceitful.  
Until now I’ve been mainly focused on the physical symptoms, which were horrible, and now I’m just left with the emotional devastation. Any insight on how to deal with this would be great.   I just needed to get this off my chest.  Thank you for reading. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello!!

I am sorry to hear that you've been suffering. You don't deserve that at all. 

Please know that there is hope. So many people see age as something bad, but in reality it is wisdom, maturity, and strength. You can 110% still find someone at age 52, even with HSV!!

You are not dirty, unworthy of love, or 'used'. You are pure, deserving and worthy of love and respect, and are not defined by what society sees as "wrong" with you. 

Stay strong! We are all here for you to help you through this journey. 

Sending Love and Light! 🌄❤️☀️🍀🌼🌈

[WellThisSucks]

I am in a very similar boat and have been feeling the same way. I am 53, was diagnosed 8 months ago (was 52 at the time).  I was dating someone who I had been friends with for 8 years.  We had only just started dating and things were going so amazingly well. I was falling hard for this guy and I know the feeling was mutual. At the time I thought I gave it to him because I was having such a bad outbreak and he had almost nothing. Also, we used condoms.  I got this orally. I have HSV1.  Anyway, now I understand that my outbreak was so bad because it was my first, not because I was the carrier. Honestly, that doesn’t even matter. What matters is that this thing ended up destroying our relationship. Even though we both tested positive for HSV1, he would never perform oral sex on me after that. I felt like a leper.  I told him that and eventually ended the relationship. He always blamed me and clearly couldn’t get past it and I couldn’t be with someone who made me feel that way. Especially someone who was also positive.

 I 100% know how you feel. It’s been 8 months and I still carry those feelings around. I’m not ready to date.  I need to move past these feelings of worthlessness first. It’s awful. But I’m trying to focus on myself.  I’m trying to sort through why I make such lousy decisions with men (I’ve been married twice so 2 for 2 here) and what it is I really want. Maybe that’s all you can do right now. I take really great care of myself.  I have a lot of years left. I’m not going to spend them alone if I don’t want to.  I just need to find the right person.
It WILL be OK. Not everyone is a douche.  That’s just something I believe. Today, anyway. But all we can do is take one day at a time. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi, @WellThisSucks! 

I hope your are well. 🌄

I am so sorry about the emotional pain you have experienced as a result of the HSV status. Although it stings and feels like rejection, it is a blessing in disguise. Herpes isnt a weapon, but actually a tool that we can use to check the true nature of those we are with romantically. 

Similarly to you, my herpes was a factor that ended my relationship. However, if I didn't get herpes, I honestly think I would be worse off. The person who gave me herpes was abusive. The straw that broke the camel's back was his cruel denial and shaming he threw at me when I had my first outbreak. It was in that moment I realized this person didn't unconditionally love me or accept me the ways I did him, and so I decided to end things. 

the guy you were dating didn't show respect or anything understanding, and those are elements that you deserve! ❤️

However, just because our brains recognize this, our hearts still feel the pain of an ended romance, and that is totally okay. It isn't your fault. You aren't bad or dirty or unlovable. You are a pure wonderful human being with so so much ahead of you.

My own mom has been divorced twice, and honestly I am so grateful for it, because these people weren't kind, and now she can spend time focusing on potential soul mates and friendships. Please know dating and love are possible at ANY AGE. ❤️

I am sending you blessings and happy energy! 🌄🌻💛🌼

-- Grace