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Contamination OCD and herpes


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So long story short, I have health anxiety, and now pandemic induced contamination OCD.  So I worry about passing illness to other people, as well as getting sick myself. 
 

I am on day 6 of an outbreak of something right now. Not sure what, but it’s definitely viral. I’ve had something similar one time before, 13 years ago. And this is the first time it’s come back since then.  It’s next to my vagina, kind of on the very lower part of my butt cheek. When I went to the doctor originally, she said that it was “something viral” and didn’t want to swab it because it would be painful. So she gave an rx for acyclovir, and that was it. All these years I’ve been wondering if I have herpes, and have never been brave enough to find out. But I always hoped that it was just shingles. 
So when this one popped up on Monday, I decided to have the blood test done, and I’m waiting for the results. 
I didn’t want to go have it swabbed because I’m trying to avoid the doctor’s office if I can.

Anyway, so back to my concerns. I am SO worried about contaminating my toddler! I have it covered with tegaderm (clear, breathable dressing) and I’m changing it everyday, and as it gets liquid under it. What if liquid escapes, gets on my clothing, and then gets on him? What if I spread it to my legs or something while I’m showering? I’m wearing gloves every time I go potty, disinfecting everything in the bathroom, even though he doesn’t go in that one, because I’m scared something will get on me the next time I go in there, that potentially get passed to him. 
 

I’m exhausted, I’m mentally drained. I’m depressed. I’m living in absolute fear of the thought of passing it to my child. And I am OVER THIS. 
 

Are my fears relevant? Am I doing all of this for nothing? 
Thanks for reading, and thanks for hopefully not judging me and my concerns/steps that I’m taking to keep my baby safe. 

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Hi!!!!

I am so sorry for your stress. 

I actually joined this site because I also have horrible contamination OCD and various other OCD types. 

I understand how you feel. It is so scary and horrible; the guilt is unbearable, especially when using shared objects, the bathroom, and laundry. 

Let me tell you the facts. Remember, OCD lies to us. It fixates on things, and makes us feel the need to release the anxiety and obsessive thoughts by doing a compulsion (excessive cleaning, being one, or fear of touching objects, etc). 

OCD says you are going to infect others by touching an object with your hands: FALSE

TRUTH: you cannot spread herpes through simple touch of objects. Herpes is spread through sexual contact. When you go to the bathroom or touch a sore, use soap and water and wash your hands thoroughly (not excessively!). YOU ARE SAFE. OTHERS ARE SAFE. 

OCD says you will infect other parts of your body through simple touching: FALSE

TRUTH: you have already built up antibodies, so getting your herpes elsewhere on the body is EXTREMELY UNLIKELY, and even more unlikely if ou just wash your hands after touching a sore during your outbreak or when you are experiencing prodrome syndrome (viral shedding).

I actually just talked to my therapist yesterday about this, and she said I don't need to be afraid of the toilet, or even getting pee on the toilet seat. Here is a helpful fact sheet from the CDC:  www.cdc.gov › std › Genital-...PDF
Genital Herpes – CDC Fact Sheet.

Please know you are safe. Your partner is safe. Your child is safe. 

Remember, OCD is a liar. Fear is a liar. You are strong and beautiful, and you can overcome this. Trust me, I used to use my feet to lift up the toilet seat and was afraid to let me clothes touch anything, etc. You will get better!! Work through it ❤️ we are here for you!!!

Please direct message me If you need any advice or support. I'm here for you!!

Sending Love and Light ❤️🍀🌄🌼☀️!!!

 

 

 

 

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Hi again!! 

I also wanted to say...

I am sorry the doctor 13 years ago didn't test it, and just prescribed you antiviral medication. That is just NOT OK! hopefully when you get the results back from blood work or the swab your mind can relax ❤️.

Also, since you are unsure of what the lesion is, here is a quick way to try to ID it while you await the blood results:

INGROWN HAIR: dark line (the hair) may be present in the middle. It may be shiny and have a head on it. May be quite large, and usually not in a cluster, but one by itself. May be painful to touch. 

HERPES SORE: typically red, and has a dimple in the center. The sore may be itchy and or painful, and will go through stages, including oozing, crusting over, the scan falling off, and new skin growth (new skin Is usually lighter than the rest of the skin around it). These sores can occur in clusters when presenting in the lower groin section. 

I hope this helps!!! I'm praying for you ❤️.

Blessings 🌼🌄🍀☀️❤️

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Thank you so much for understanding. I am really struggling over here. I’m also still breastfeeding, so I’m trying to make sure that nothing gets passed to my breasts, etc. that could harm my baby.
It’s just so much to worry about. 😔
 

I really appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement. I’ll keep reading what you said, until it really sinks in and I start believing it. 
❤️😅

And I REALLY appreciate the prayers, more than anything! 🙏🏻❤️
 

I agree with what your said about the Dr. visit 13 years ago. Totally not okay. I was young, naive and scared. I know better now...which is a major component of why I try to avoid going to see doctors. 🙃 I live a pretty holistic lifestyle, so I’m treating it with natural supplements. 

 

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And I also want to add, that when this popped up on Monday, I about had a mental breakdown. 😭 I’ve been working very hard on myself, my OCD, anxiety, and spirituality lately. I feel like this is such a setback for me. I feel like it’s the worst thing possible to happen as far as my treatment for OCD goes. Because I’m having to do all of these rituals. It took me about an hour to just change my tegaderm and take a quick shower last night.💔

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m trying to stay positive. I’ve been praying a ton, trying to focus on how beautiful my baby is, how blessed I am to have a husband that loves me, supports me, and doesn’t judge me. But I’m a stay at home mom, so being alone right now just isn’t helping my mental state! 🤦🏼‍♀️ 
 

Thank you for reading about my pity party. 

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Hi!!

First, you do NOT need call this a pity party! This a space for you to vent without judgment. You are allowed to have bad days. You are allowed to struggle! Even moms struggle! You aren't weak. You are strong! 👍

It is totally okay. Honestly I had a nervous break down a few weeks ago because the OCD just got too much. I started going to therapy and it really helps. The human brain is literally so complex, but the awesome thing is, we can REWIRE our brains! It takes hard work, but it gets easier. Setbacks are so not fun, but you can persevere!! 🌄🌻

According to my amazing therapist, OCD is apparently produced by anxiety... like the anxiety needs to find a way to express itself so OCD is formed. So, sometimes even reassuring yourself that there is no reason to be anxious can help (literally easier said than done, lol). Practicing tapping has helped me SO much, too! Tapping is a holisitc meditation that is AMAZING! Brad Yates has an amazing tapping video about OCD, and it really makes you cry, it's so spot-on. Here is the link! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7npFKSvUJRg

I also am very into holistic medicine, and something that helped me was natural lysine cream which I got at some health store. It really takes away any burning or itching! 

Ugh, being alone with OCD is literally the worst. Honestly podcasts really can help, even having music on helps us stay focused and happy. 🎵

You can do this!! Stay strong!! ♥️😇

Blessings!!

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I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with OCD too. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It is not enjoyable whatsoever. I’ve had a few breakdowns over my OCD the last year, too. 2020 was not nice to me, and so far not this year either. 

It makes a lot of sense that OCD is produced by anxiety. That’s exactly how mine came to be. 
I did talk therapy for a while, but felt I wasn’t getting anything out of it. So I called someone that specializes in ERP, and plan on starting treatment with her soon. In the meantime, she gave me some tools to work on by myself. I’m reading lots of books, listening to OCD podcasts, listening to music. I’m doing a workbook on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy now, to prepare myself for starting the ERP. 
Im wanting so badly to retrain my brain into a new way of thinking. I’m working on accepting the anxiousness, and riding it out. I was doing so well with it before this week.

But honestly, because of what happened 13 years ago, and the fact that this has always been in my brain as a possibility, having herpes has become almost a phobia. I’ve dreaded this, and now it’s happened and I have freaked myself out about it so bad. 💔

Talk about some irony with me with possible HSV and doing exposure response therapy...this is it! 
 

I have recently seen a few things about tapping, and it looked very interesting! I’ll definitely watch that video and look more into it. 
 

Thanks for the recommendation of the lysine cream, I’ll keep it in mind. Funny thing is...and very thankfully....I haven’t had very much pain or itching from the site. I’m thinking that since I’m keeping it covered with the dressing, it is cutting down on pain from clothing, etc. I’ve been applying colloidal silver to it topically, and I’ve been taking a ton of lysine pills, vitamin c, zinc, and fire cider, drinking hydrogen water. Eating very consciously. 
I was eating a lot of garlic cloves and taking elderberry syrup the first few days, but I then saw that those things contain a lot of arginine. So I cut that out. 
Do you have any recommendations for low arginine foods that you enjoy? 

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Hi!!

Oh my gosh, that's literally the Universe talking to you! That is the ultimate exposure therapy!!

I am so happy to hear that you aren't experiencing any intense itching or pain! Yes, diet can really impact outbreaks. 

In terms of low-arginine foods, I honestly have never considered it!!! I've been vegan for 11 years and perhaps that is helping me to not have outbreaks? I've only had two outbreaks since my original outbreak in 2019, and they were minor. I actually did not have access to the acyclovir during one of them so I just waited it out, lol! 

If anything, I eat A LOT of dark chocolate 🍫  (literally, a bag of chocolate chips lasts me a week!), which is high in arginine, but I guess it isn't causing me too many issues which is amazing. If I had to give up my chocolate I would be a sad human :classic_sad:!!!

I hope you are doing better!!

Sending Love & Light! 🌄💛

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Oh wow, well that’s great news. I love dark chocolate too! 
 

Like I said before, this is only the 2nd time this has happened in 13 years. I don’t know what brought it on, but I’m going to try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 
 

Remember how I said I was waiting on blood test results? Well....I used “let’s get checked” and I knew that my package made it back to where it was supposed to, but it was still saying “expected in lab” online. So I called, and apparently they put the wrong return shipping envolope in my box. My sample went to NY, and it was supposed to go to California. Therefore, it is not able to be used!!! 😔😳Just my luck. 
I’m going to do the swab test now, and I’m just hoping that it hasn’t been too many days to detect it. 

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Yes 13 years is so long!! Honestly stress can cause outbreaks-- the stress of the pandemic could have triggered it.

What the actual heck. That's so absurd 😂😑 I'm sorry for the lack of logistical competence of the test people 😂.

Good luck with the swab!!! You can do this ❤️❤️❤️

Blessings!!!

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