I am so lost

[Sobroken108]

I don’t even really know what to say right now. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year. 
 

when I was a kid I kinda remember getting a few cold sores and being given echinacea and some cream but I haven’t had anything until this year.

the cold sores started up but I figured because of job stress and life stress it’s why they were back after so long. 
 

i am realizing that I don’t think I’ve ever asked a gyno to do a herpes test and I’ve learned now that many don’t when you get an Std check up.

I had a breakout on my labia a couple weeks ago. Got the sores swabbed and tested and they just told me I have HSV 2. I am so confused and lost. 
 

i believe my current man gave it to me. I haven’t told him yet. He is married and my boss. It’s a crazy situation. He’s going to accuse me of cheating on him which I never have. 
 

I have a young daughter and I don’t want to feel like my life is over. 
 

I need someone to talk to. I’m scared and hurt and sad.

ive been sexually assaulted before and abused and I just can’t believe this happened with someone I trust so much. 
 

I don’t think he’s ever known and if it wasn’t him then how did this happen to me? 
 

sorry this is so jumbled. I’m a mess.

[NJRunnerMom]

Hi There, I'm sorry you feel this way, we've all been there, trust me it gets better but it will take some time to accept your new diagnosis.  Did you get a blood test too?  The blood test will let you know if you have antibodies built up already which would mean you had the virus prior to this.  Your life isn't over, it's just a little different, that's all.  You're in a tender situation with your boyfriend, who's also married if I'm reading that right?    

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi!!

I am so sorry about your pain and suffering. You don't deserve this at all. Please know your life is not over. You are still worthy of love and you are pure. 

As a child, did you have herpes sores on your mouth or genitals? Oral herpes is common, many children can get it from their own parents if their parents give them a kiss. However, genital herpes is not. This can indicate a major sign of abuse.

If your partner gave it to you, I'm sorry they didn't tell you they had it  however, he also may not know he had it, as people can be asymptomatic (especially more common in males). Being honest about it with him may be so difficult, but it can help you get closure and inform him (and then he can inform his wife, if they are still intimate) about his condition. 

Now, the fact that he's your boss can lead to various unwanted consequences, including work issues. However, if he started treating you badly or assigning more work to you after our tell him, this would actually fall under workplace harassment. If it gets to that level (which I hope it won't) go to human resources. Stick up for yourself, you deserve it!! 

In terms of your life, it is not over. You are still you. ❤️ You are a pure blessing. I know that sexual assault can make us feel dirty, unwanted, unworthy of peace and love. But you are pure, clean, wholesome, and so worthy of quality love and attention. I don't know what the situation is with your boss, but please know you deserve someone to give their whole heart to you, and your daughter, too. When you think about yourself, think about what you would want for your daughter. Talk to yourself and treat yourself with kindness, and do not accept anything less than that from anyone, too.

We are all here for you!!

Feel free to direct message me if you need some additional support. 

Sending Light and Prayers!! 🌼🦋☀️🍀🌄

[Sobroken108]

No I did not get the blood test also. I didn’t know that I could do that to see if I had antibodies before this. Will that help now if I am a couple weeks out from my sores clearing up?

and yes he is also married. It started out as a FWB thing and we fell in love. He’s in the middle of the divorce and he was always wild. 
 

Depression has been hard since I had my daughter and I just wasn’t as cautious with him and assumed he would be more aware of his health because of his lifestyle.

assuming makes an ass out of everyone though.

[Flowerteacher55]

Oh also!! Yes, get a blood test, as @NJRunnerMom suggested. 

Also, this could be from the sexual assault instances, and this could be a non-primary outbreak (usually less severe than the classic first primary outbreak involving many painful sores). Did you have just one or two sores or a small cluster, or many, and did you experience any tingling or prodrome symptoms before this outbreak? 

Sorry for the lengthy replies!! 

Sending blessings your way 🍀☀️🦋

[Flowerteacher55]

Aw I'm sorry.

Yes, a blood test will show HSV 1 and 2 even when sores aren't present. 

Hey, if you guys are in love, than that love will hold you together. Honesty is so important. ❤️

I would discuss it with him, and also remember you can go on suppressive medicine if needed. However, that probably isn't necessarily needed because he may have it too. He should get a blood test. In a non accusatory way, sit down and talk about it. Ask him to answer honestly if he's ever had sores; maybe he has and even thought they were ingrown hairs or something else. It will be okay. Open communication is key. If you feel worried, call a clinic or Planned Parenthood and speak to a nurse if it makes you feel better. They are awesome, I've called PP before and they rock ❤️. 

☀️☀️ You can do this!!! ☀️☀️

[Sarah317]

My man is married too. He gave it to me. He works away from home and rarely goes back because they don’t love each other anymore. But, in the end, he’s not mine no matter what he says. 
 

it sucks. It just does. But you will get better. I think you and I should find ourselves if we are settling for married men. 
 

As far as the Herpes is concerned, you will get over the shock. Take good care of yourself. Eat well, move, and try to find peace (meditation or something like it). 
 

hang in there ♥️

[Sobroken108]

This is my first OB. Now that I think about the whole thing clear I had the sharp pain monday night and by Tuesday morning had a small cluster of for it five small blisters, about a 1cm spot on my labia. I went to the doctor Wednesday by 11 and was put on valasomething, my memory for something’s is terrible, and gave me mucipron to put on the sores three times a day and swabbed them. They were fully healed by Monday the next week. I was very tired the whole time. 
 

I can’t tell you the last time I had a cold sore as a kid. I know though I started having them again it seems when him and I got together. And there was an occurrence in the beginning that I’m looking back at that could have been an OB for him with non typical lesions. My brain is spinning, I keep thinking I feel something down there but my imagination is strong and I’m upset. 
 

im in therapy for a lot and have been sober just over 8 months. This is a hard thing to face right now and my I’m trying not to stress to much because I know that triggers it and I can’t change it now, just move forward but I’m so scared. I keep thinking I might be getting a tingle today but I’ve also been freaking out alot today and it seems to come and go and I’ve been sitting tensely and clenching strange muscles. I could be imagining it. Should I take some more of my Valastuff for a couple days. I completed a 10 day cycle and they gave me more while waiting on the test so I have some. The doctor also sucked and I need to find a new gyno now that I am comfortable with. Thanks for listening. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi!

Yes, this is a really stressful time. It is totally expected for your brain to be overwhelmed, especially while you have sobriety to balance, Congratulations on being 8 month sober!! 🌼 You should be so proud of yourself. 

The medicine you were prescribed was most likely Valaciclovir, which is an antiviral medication used to treat herpes. It is so important to have a good doctor and ONGYN that you can trust and feel unjudged with. Asking friends and relatives who they recommend can be really helpful, too. 

Stay strong. You can do this! We are here for you. Remember the three C's: You didn't CAUSE this, you can't CONTROL it, and your can't CURE it. But what you can control is your actions, your attitude, and those you choose to allow into your life. You deserve good things!!! Don't sell yourself short. 

Sending prayers your way!! 🌄