Please help; How do we go on?

[Blueeyedgirl02]

My identical twin sister was just diagnosed with HSV-2 yesterday. My mom, myself and her especially are heartbroken as we are just about to move to Boston to start college. A time that was exciting, meant for exploration and dating and study is now terrifying to my sister who feels like there’s no point in going on anymore. I am especially sad as I’m her other half- watching her and knowing I can’t ever fully understand what she’s going through for the first time in my entire life is terrifying. She’s only 18- and caught it from her first ever long time boyfriend who has HSV-1. She’s sad and keeps saying it’ll effect her entire life, I know she’s right but I’m unsure of what to say to make her feel better. 
 

Even my mother was unaware that HSV-1 could transfer to HSV-2 and now for doing nothing but sexually interacting with her long time boyfriend she must live with this for life. I wish more people had known, I know we both were surpaies with the lack of info out there. People don’t talk about this.  As a young woman she’s understandably feeling stuck, like her romantic life is over and has decided that she can’t ever tell anyone besides my mom and me. She says “no one ever told us about this, if only I had known.” We are all very close and I will continue rooming with her in college- I just want to know how I can make this easier for her in ANY WAY. Right now she’s finishing out her first outbreak and I believe is on the prescription that starts with V. She’s having trouble finding accurate info on which pain meds work best (and now to balance that out with potentially becoming immune). what we can and can’t share (as sisters for clothes, showering in same shower etc) is also confusing. With little resources to find online besides clinical explanations and treatments, I’ve had a hard time trying to find resources to prepare her for the social and mental ordeal that I’m sure will come with this.  I’m terrified that at an already impressionable age she’ll become depressed or suicidal. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated! She needs to know life (romantic, sexual) and general can go on and be beautiful for her! There’s a lot of misinformation Out there that is scaring her. 
 

thank you.  

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello!

First, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. you are very very kind to join this forum to support her.

This is very hard as a young person, and I understand how she is feeling. I got herpes at age 19, and I was very scared. Now I am 22 and am proud to be me!! The same is possible for her ❤️ Please let her know that you can still prosper and live a beautiful life with HSV!!! 

I wanted to ask this, you said HSV1 turning into HSV2... Did you mean getting HSV1 on your lower parts? 

She should know that she is NOT dirty, ugly, unlovable, untouchable, or unworthy of love. She is clean, beautiful, and deserving of love and respect. Herpes is a virus. It is so stigmatized, and yes, there is SO MUCH misinformation out there. Please advise her not to Google questions or anything, and instead read materials by organizations like the CDC, WHO, and Planned Parenthood-- Reliable research matters because facts are powerful and help put our minds at ease!!! I am going to reply with some article links for your sister that have helped me and others greatly. ❤️

Herpes is not a sin, an embarrassment, or a shame. It is just part of being human. If anything, it makes you realize how special your body is, and how we can learn to unconditionally love ourselves regardless of HSV.

Also, herpes is sort of a "people sorter", meaning that those who still love you and want to be with you regardless of the HSV are true true blessings. Those who judge are simply not the right people for us. And HSV honestly helps us see who people really are on the inside. 

Please tell your sister she can direct message me if she needs someone to vent to. She is not alone!! We all are here for her!!

Sending Blessings and Light!! 🌼🌄🍀🌈❤️

 

[Blueeyedgirl02]

2 hours ago, Flowerteacher55 said:

Hello!

First, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. you are very very kind to join this forum to support her.

This is very hard as a young person, and I understand how she is feeling. I got herpes at age 19, and I was very scared. Now I am 22 and am proud to be me!! The same is possible for her ❤️ Please let her know that you can still prosper and live a beautiful life with HSV!!! 

I wanted to ask this, you said HSV1 turning into HSV2... Did you mean getting HSV1 on your lower parts? 

She should know that she is NOT dirty, ugly, unlovable, untouchable, or unworthy of love. She is clean, beautiful, and deserving of love and respect. Herpes is a virus. It is so stigmatized, and yes, there is SO MUCH misinformation out there. Please advise her not to Google questions or anything, and instead read materials by organizations like the CDC, WHO, and Planned Parenthood-- Reliable research matters because facts are powerful and help put our minds at ease!!! I am going to reply with some article links for your sister that have helped me and others greatly. ❤️

Herpes is not a sin, an embarrassment, or a shame. It is just part of being human. If anything, it makes you realize how special your body is, and how we can learn to unconditionally love ourselves regardless of HSV.

Also, herpes is sort of a "people sorter", meaning that those who still love you and want to be with you regardless of the HSV are true true blessings. Those who judge are simply not the right people for us. And HSV honestly helps us see who people really are on the inside. 

Please tell your sister she can direct message me if she needs someone to vent to. She is not alone!! We all are here for her!!

Sending Blessings and Light!! 🌼🌄🍀🌈❤️

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I think it’d be great if she decides she’s ready to talk with someone to have her direct message you, unfortunately I’m not sure she’s quite ready to talk about it yet- but when she’s ready it’s so nice to know it’s there. To clarify I meant that she apparently got it through her boyfriend (who has cold sores occasionally which I think is HSV-1) when he performed oral on her is my understanding of how it transpired. Both of us were unaware that that coupe happen, including my middle aged mother so I hope in the future people talk about it more! Previously we had thought its only transmitted through the actual act of sex with a genital carrier. I hope that maybe sharing this with her can give her hope that there’s still an amazing life ahead of her! 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi again!!

Aw yes of course!! Everyone heals at their own pace. Acceptance and kindness is so important. Just being there for her and reminding her she is still wonderful and a great, capable person is helpful. 

Yes, I have the same thing, genital HSV-1, also called GHSV-1. The confusing thing is that people often call any herpes on the private area HSV-2 or genital herpes, however having HSV-1 on the genitals is not the same as HSV-2. The good news about having HSV-1 in the genital region is that the likelihood of passing it to a partner is very low. The rate of reoccurring outbreaks is also much lower as well. 

Your sister may start to worry she could pass it to her family members through clothing, laundry, sharing bathrooms, etc, but these are not ways herpes is spread. Herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact. Rest assured, all is well.  ❤️

Yes, herpes is something that many are unaware of, and honestly sex education in so many schools is lacking, and doesn't prepare young people as well as it should. If we don't even understand our own bodies, how can we be expected to succeed emotionally, academically, and in life overall?! Also, STIs are stigmatized, and that is just not okay.  STIs are common and a part of being human, and you will find that in college people are more open and the student health services at your campus will be very open to providing support if your sister needs it. 

My own mom didn't understand herpes either. When I eventually told her she was like, "YOU NEED TO COVER YOUR TOOTHBRUSH SO YOU DON'T GET YOUR BROTHER SICK!" I laughed because HSV-1 on private parts can't spread from a toothbrush 😂. But again, stereotypes and stigmas about contagiousness often cloud people's brains! We can help change this, by sharing one fact of truth at a time. Education is liberating and powerful!! 

I am praying for your sister! 🌄

Blessings!

[Southpaw]

I'm so sorry to hear this.  Let me say, I was diagnosed 5 yrs. ago, and only told 2 people.  I will never tell my family because I don't think they need to know, and I don't trust my ignorant, jackass of a moron brother-in-law (yeah, not my favorite) or sister-in-law to keep my confidence.

I, too, was in the dark as a young woman about HSV.  I never heard of it.  I don't know how old I was when I contracted it because I was diagnosed in my 50's with it and hadn't been active for a while; so it lay dormant for years.  It wasn't until I knew I had it that I began to educate myself. 

And yes, it makes my angry that no one talks about it.  THAT is why there's a stigma attached to it.  If no one is talking about it, it must be bad, right?  I see commercials for HIV drugs all the time...there's no stigma anymore and hasn't been for a while.....where are the HSV commercials? We need so much more education because HSV continues to spread.  Protection today is so important...for everyone...whether they realize it or not.  We simply don't know who has what and who doesn't.  80% of people with HSV do NOT know they have it!

Sending prayers out to your sister. I wish her the very best as she moves forward. ✌️❤️🌼☀️